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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Day 1 of holiday with teens arrghh

101 replies

CharliesChocolateSurprise · 22/08/2023 07:50

One my own (going through a divorce) with two teens, 19 and 15. On a Greek Island for 10 nights.
Day 1 and youngest has just got up (09:45) which is fine as I had to get them up yesterday at 03:30 for the flight. Eldest got up moaning about his bed at 09:00. I made his breakfast and his has moaned constantly. He has left his cup of tea and breakfast and gone back to bed. I’m sat here waiting to go out for the day. I told him to go to bed early and get up early as some days he is in bed until 1pm!! I can’t live like that, being an early bird, and it’d wasting my holiday time and money. I’m in a stressful job at home with no help with the younger child (her dad doesn’t have her more than 2-3 hours a week nor pays any child support).

I am already wanting to go home! I hate being with teenagers now. 9 nights to go!!!!

There dad hasn’t taken them anywhere and the youngest just let slip that he’s has gone to Italy with friends while we are away!!!!

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 22/08/2023 20:08

Namddf · 22/08/2023 19:45

And this is helpful because?

Show quote history

It isn't supposed to be helpful just saying not all teens want to waste a holiday lying in bed for half the day. People with teens like Op's who want to sleep the holiday away should talk about expectations as a faw prior to going away. That's helpful.

SunsizOut · 22/08/2023 20:13

You go out every day, every other day you pop back at lunchtime to see if they want to do anything, if they don’t leave them to it. I used to mainly only see my teens at dinner times on holidays when they were that age and we’d have a nice evening together.

juicelooseabootthishoose · 22/08/2023 20:19

Why are you making a 19 year olds breakfast? It's your hollday too.

To have a nice time you dont all have to be together all of the time or do the same thing. Accept expectations are different.

Last one out leaves the key at reception it they leave the complex.

Im not sure why you are waiting for anyone-get on with your holiday relax and make yourself happy!

scoobysnaxx · 22/08/2023 20:42

Honestly get out and enjoy yourself.

Wasting time and hours every morning waiting for them to get up and make them breakfast at their ages is crazy.

You can't expect teenagers to want to do the same things as you all the time or be up and out by 9/10am everyday on holiday.

At 19 he can do what he wants and get his own breakfast.

If you can't leave him alone with his 15 year old sister at his big age then that's a huge problem.

You enjoy your mornings. Take a walk, read by the pool, have a nice breakfast etc or go out and browse the local shops. Come back at lunchtime and plan something together? Happy medium for all no?

scoobysnaxx · 22/08/2023 20:42

And ask for another key..

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/08/2023 20:46

Get up and go out with the 15yo.Take the key. 19yo can either be locked in and sleep/sit on balcony or go ask reception for a second key.

Miragelifeguard · 22/08/2023 20:49

Can you leave the key at reception if there isn’t a spare?

TheaBrandt · 22/08/2023 20:50

Yab totally unreasonable. Get up early do your own thing. Meet them for lunch. We have done this every day of our holiday. Then everyone is happy. We have exercised / looked round ruins etc they have slobbed around. Then we get back as they are surfacing we all have an early lunch and hang out together there on.

Tabitha2721 · 22/08/2023 21:54

I mean, at 19 I had a house, full time job, at uni and had my nephew most weekends 🤷‍♀️ force them out - but of tough love is needed

Anderson2018 · 22/08/2023 22:10

Why don’t you get any free time though? You have teenagers that could have been left at home. It’s developmentally normal for teenagers to be tired as they have a lot of hormones going on. It’s a choice your making to be annoyed by this, you could chose to enjoy yourself instead of pondering after them. Resenting their dad isn’t helping either, you have to accept it is what it is and get on with it.

TheaBrandt · 22/08/2023 22:13

I know a lot of teens and none of them are up at 9am on family holidays eager to go sightseeing with their parents. Not one.

Lower your expectations. Ours stay in the flat lying in - good argument for self catering. Dh and I jogged to nearby village for coffee. Got back as they were getting uo
all to beach together Teens snorkelled alot then all out together late afternoon/evening. Then everyone’s happy

cosmos4 · 22/08/2023 22:44

I've just come back from a holiday with teens and also sucked up my ex not taking them away this summer and instead pleasing himself going away with mates. I think if you can change your mindset to think this is one of the last holidays you may have with them due to their age and that you will try to accept them having the holiday they want to carve out for themselves, as well as having been gifted some time to please yourself without actually going on holiday on your own, then maybe you can hold on to being able to enjoy some relaxation time and also their company when they arise! As others have said I would try to enjoy mornings of time for you and also ask each of them to choose an evening meal somewhere of their preference that you can all enjoy. I found food worked wonders to keep mine happy and feel they were having a lovely holiday... and a couple of hours with books and a drink in hand worked for me. I hope things improve OP.

roundtable · 22/08/2023 22:51

Get another key. We had our keys this year through our wristbands so our dc couldn't let themselves back in. They happily gave us another 2 key cards when we asked. Then do your own thing until they are up. Enforced fun time is no fun. They'll be ready for it later.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

sgtmajormum · 22/08/2023 23:34

Totally get you. Mine are 15 & 13 and for the last 2 years holidays have been dire.
They don't get up til at least 11am so I've started booking accommodation that's more central so I can pop out in the morning.
We then do something in the afternoon together.
I've lowered my expectations significantly but agree it is frustrating

HappyCamperTent · 22/08/2023 23:46

Sounds like you’re just making excuses to moan

TheaBrandt · 23/08/2023 02:55

But why sit there fuming that they are not getting up sightseeing like a 40 year old? Don’t you remember those long lie ins you had as a teen/young adult? I know I do. It’s to do with brain development. It’s like getting cross that your toddler is an early waker. Just go with it and enjoy that time for yourself.

Pinkmagic1 · 23/08/2023 07:16

You have to change your expectations. If you fight it, it will be a miserable holiday for everyone. I have been alone twice with my older teens, who wouldn't surface until at least 11am. In the mornings I would have a wander into town and the beach, or read a book around the pool. Once they surfaced, we would often have the afternoon out somewhere. Worked perfectly and everyone was happy.

Bumply · 23/08/2023 07:50

Ds1 hated holidays and didn't come with me from 15 onwards (stayed with his dad)

Ds2 liked holidays, but also liked his gaming and contact with his friends back home, so we agreed he would tourist on alternate days and I'd leave him to his own devices (figuratively and literally and Wi-Fi access was a must on any holiday booking) and do my own thing when he wasn't joining me.

Annoyed the hell out of me when I was solo visiting things I knew he'd love, but the compromise kept us both sane overall.

gogomoto · 23/08/2023 07:54

The elder is an adult, you can't make him get up, leave them and go exploring on your own.

I must admit I really don't get people dragging reluctant adult children (18+) on holiday. I certainly didn't go with my parents and my children haven't come with me since the summer post a levels out of choice (though for dd2 that was the covid times)

gogomoto · 23/08/2023 07:58

You also mentioned his dad having loads of free time - you were under no obligation tk take your 19 year old and at those ages even at home you don't need a sitter. Use the holiday to do some planning to start doing things enjoy. I divorced when mine were 18&20, it's a bit of a shock to the system but move on and start enjoying life! You deserve it

Abbimae · 23/08/2023 08:05

Just leave them and go out. Spoiled entitled kids.

FrenchandSaunders · 23/08/2023 09:34

Mine are better now in their early 20s (still come with us occasionally!), but we used to just get up and do our own thing at that age and they'd message us later to see where we were. They never had breakfast with us. They do look back now and think they wasted some holidays but it is what it is at that age!

Lalalalala555 · 23/08/2023 11:36

Sounds like a lot of issues.
I think the route that you can start with is being assertive and setting boundaries.
Read about what boundaries are and how to be assertive.
Stop trying to please other people at the expense of your own sanity and peace. It sounds like you're trying to keep people happy, but failing to look after yourself. Taking care of yourself is important, especially when it sounds like no one else does. Usually respecting yourself starts from yourself, then other people see you respect yourself and start to treat you better too.
Being nice and obliging does not equal a happier life. You will end up giving more than you can at the expense of stress, unhappiness and resentment.

You need to assert your boundaries with your kids and with your ex partner.

  • child support and a legal claim sounds vital so you can have help with costs and care division
  • you need to set boundaries with you teenage kids. Not threats, but boundaries. Be assertive with them.
Give them responsibilities and problems, rather than you am mending your life for them.

Instead of waiting around, tell them that you will be leaving at 10am or something. And follow through if you are planning to do that. Maybe you can ask for a second key.

I think it is better to have assertive conversations than harbour resentment silently.

Your kids may not realise how much their behaviour is upsetting you.
They likely also do not have reference of the responsibilities of adult life.

Set some boundaries. Also ask them what they want from the holiday. And how would they feel about paying for a holiday together next year.
If its not a free trip, they may be more proactive with their time.

rookiemere · 23/08/2023 11:55

Hope today is better OP.

Couple of thoughts- can you get another key for the apartment, or is it possible to go down to the pool and leave it unlocked?

It sounds like you are self catering, so why do the DCs need to be up so early- other than water park day.

Surely if big bro is being mean to teen DD she has the choice of getting up and going out with you at whatever time that is - still unsure why there is a 9am deadline for a sun holiday- or stays in with her DB.

madnessitellyou · 23/08/2023 12:58

We've just been on holiday with two teenagers. They are both early risers (dd1 in particular) and we did do a few days out (that they were involved in picking. In fact one of our favourite was on the back of dd's research!). But beyond that, if they wanted to slob around then fine.

Get another key and away you go.

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