Day 1 of holiday with teens arrghh

[CharliesChocolateSurprise]

One my own (going through a divorce) with two teens, 19 and 15. On a Greek Island for 10 nights.
Day 1 and youngest has just got up (09:45) which is fine as I had to get them up yesterday at 03:30 for the flight. Eldest got up moaning about his bed at 09:00. I made his breakfast and his has moaned constantly. He has left his cup of tea and breakfast and gone back to bed. I’m sat here waiting to go out for the day. I told him to go to bed early and get up early as some days he is in bed until 1pm!! I can’t live like that, being an early bird, and it’d wasting my holiday time and money. I’m in a stressful job at home with no help with the younger child (her dad doesn’t have her more than 2-3 hours a week nor pays any child support).

I am already wanting to go home! I hate being with teenagers now. 9 nights to go!!!!

There dad hasn’t taken them anywhere and the youngest just let slip that he’s has gone to Italy with friends while we are away!!!!

I can't imagine any teens that age wanting to be up and out by 9 on holiday. Neither would I! The 19 year old is more than capable of fending for himself so just leave him and catch up at lunch time. In a very nice way, you can't just book a holiday with children this age and impose your idea of what a day looks like onto them. You need to discuss what everyone's expectations are and maybe formulate a plan. Did you discuss the water park? That could be a compromise day for getting up early.
It feels like there is more going on here than holiday routine. I know it's hard, but you need to detach from what your ex is doing. I get it, I've been there feeling frustrated when my ex could just swan off living his best life whilst I was working hard to look after my young children. At least you have some opportunity for some freedom, peace and quiet. I would love all my children to be sleeping in this morning so I could have some alone time!
It's very hard making the changes when teens become older and don't just automatically follow our lead. I'm still trying to figure some of this out with my older child....the holidays have felt hard. Compromise seems to be key. Look for the new lovely moments you can have by yourself as well as the things you can do together like lovely evening meals. Good luck and enjoy your holiday.

I agree that feeling unable to leave a 19 year old man in an apartment with his 15 year old sister is concerning.

Did you envisage the three of you spending all day, every day together? Unlikely with teens and even more unlikely if your ds is unkind to his sister

Not sure why you expect to socialise with teens on holiday. That would have been a hard no from me.

Just go off and do your own thing, let them do what they like, and request another key for the front door.

Can’t you ask for another key? Then just go and leave them to it. They’re old enough for that. Go to the pool, or have a walk round town and find a cafe, then go back later when they’re up and ready.

I didn’t plan on a holiday unable to go and do anything as the eldest is in bed - still is.

I haven’t RTFT but you have my sympathies! I did this last year when they were 19 and 15. Divorced a few years now but OMG it was hard work.

We need a special group for this kind of holiday making,

• Def get 2nd key if possible.
• Involve them in decisions re. trips. My DD enjoyed organising us to a (v small) art exhibition and DS liked looking us up trains using Trainline app.
• DD tried to “shock” me by smoking. I found shrugging & not reacting helpful
• Dont feel guilty about leaving them alone a bit & taking yourself off. I gave mine my card to ho & have dinner together one night & I just video called my friend & worked a bit
• Definitely compromise!

It helped me to think of it like taking 2 toddlers away by myself. Hot, stressful, sticky, expensive.

They went away with their dad & cousins this year & have done loads of trips away with friends so I’m not doing a holiday. I felt guilty but they have much preferred getting up at midday, going out for relaxed meals even 1:1, and having me around for taxi service.

Hope you can enjoy your stay. Sending solidarity!

P.S. I would have loved a thread like this last year! On day 1 when my DD was stropping over no food in cafe (we arrived at weird time) I texted my friend who sent me a poem from The Prophet. Fat lot of use that was 🤣 He has an easygoing 12 year old so not really useful to me.

Hang on in there, usually gets better by Day 4!

how much input did they have into where and what you would be doing?

Frankly teenagers can be a massive PITA and you have to make your arrangements accordinly. (did they go away with their dad?)

You'll have to grin and bear it, I'm afraid. In your shoes I'd say "tomorrow I'm doing X and leaving at Y time if you want to come" and then let them choose. Unfortunately DD then has to decide if going with you or staying with her brother is the lesser of 2 evils.

sorry just realised you mentioned Dad's arrangements in the OP.

If you can't get a 2nd key? DS is going to have to arrange what he wants to do around you, isn't he?

My ds is 17 and was fantastic on holiday recently. We went to US and he was up with us every day by 9. He's always been like that when we go away. This from a boy who can stay in bed until 1.30pm at home but that's when he has no plans. On holiday, he wouldn't have wanted to miss anything by sleeping half the day away.

Agree with the other posters. It's what we do with our DS. Leave him in bed and get on with what we want to do. If he joins us later great, if not fine. My DS is as miserable as sin if we get him up early so I'd rather leave him in bed and then have a pleasant person later in the day and at dinner 😀

Have you got phone data?
Message them to say you've gone out and they can message you to find out where if want to meet up.
They'll get FOMO and be there in a shot

Tell your 19 year old to get a grip and stop fighting with his sister but I wouldn't be working my day around him. Leave him and if he wants to go out when he wakes up then he can wait outside for you to come back if there's only one key or he can come meet you. But I wouldn't be waiting around for him. Tell 15 year old to come with you or deal with her brother.
I'd be inclined to leave them to it and tell the older one he's not coming next year

I think you need to recalibrate your expectations around get-up times to an extent. We've just been away with 16 & 20 yos and if they were coming with us, mostly didn't manage to leave before 11am. We just did our own thing in the mornings and I really enjoyed just sitting outside reading, little walks, getting breakfast etc. We also did some days where the kids just had a lounge-around pool day and we went out without them.

Well you should have done tbh. Contact the agent and get another key. Go and do your own thing. You must have been on holiday with teens before given their ages.

Just back from 10 days in France with DD who is 19.
I'm a morning person and she is a night owl. I would get up and wander for breakfast, a coffee, read, people watch or swim while she slept on the mornings. Totally loved it.
She would just text me when she got up and come find me and we'd decide on the rest of the day together.
You're just wasting your holiday doing what you're doing right now

19 and 15? Tell them the plans for each day and go on your own if they aren’t up. Perhaps focus on waking the 15 year old, and explain that if she is left behind you can’t take responsibility if her brother isn’t nice to her. Agree with the others re: if the 19 year old is awful to his sister that’s a really big issue and you need to have stern words about him being an adult and he is responsible for his actions.

We're going on holiday later this week. Eldest DS is staying at home but the younger DS is coming with us as we're going to a country he's never visited before. He's 22 & I'm pretty sure he'll be up, dressed & out exploring before me each day 😂.

12 year old DD will need an alarm in her ear to wake up before lunchtime however.

I'd be perfectly happy to take myself down to the pool with a book & meet up with them later. In fact, when my sons were teens we stayed somewhere with a pool view apartment & they used to wave at me & DD from the balcony when they were up & ready to do something 😊.

As others have said, holidays are for enjoying. It doesn't really bother me that much if that means lie ins (within reason).

This is what I was going to say.

what does he want to do? Can you leave him to sleep and do himself a lazy breakfast and go out with youngest then come back to the apartment after lunch?

And this is helpful because?

Just been away with my teens on my own. I got up had breakfast read and had a swim. They were mainly up by about 11 and would come out with me but my 17 year old slept until lunch time a couple of times and didn’t join us. I just left them a message and enjoyed my time alone. The holiday was a pleasure

Isn’t there a pool you can go and lie round for the morning? They what I did went my teen used to sleep til midday. I was up at 8 breakfast then round the pool headphones in enjoying a few hours chilling in the sun until he dragged himself out of bed.

I’ve just got back from a holiday with a 17 and 15 year old. I’m a single parent too. They made breakfast one day out of 10!! My eldest slept till at least midday every day. I got up, had breakfast, sat out by the pool, read my book, enjoyed the peace for a few hours. They messaged me wheh they were up and came to find me if they wanted lunch then we spent some time together in the afternoon.
It was really lovely actually as I got to relax every morning and read and soak up the sun and swim then had a blast with them in the evenings playing games and pool and having a couple of drinks etc as they were wide awake then.
If they want to go to the water park they’ll be up for that, don’t worry!!
Relax and enjoy 😊

As a parent to young kids, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just enjoy the time on your own. I’d bite someone’s arm off to be able to go out on my own and not have to woken up at 7am everyday, brush their teeth, chase them around the restaurant as they won’t sit still and want to crawl under people’s table or shout random things, change nappies all day, not be able to eat in a restaurant because my youngest won’t behave himself so we end up having to inhale our food or just order room service daily.
I’d pay someone to look after my kids on holiday so I could get even just 1-2 hours on my own!
If they want to sleep then surely that’s your opportunity to do what you want. It sounds like you just want them to do everything that you want them to do but even when you holiday with other adults that’s not possible as everyone wants to do different things like when I went on a girls holiday and my friend wanted to lie in daily and I was an early riser. I just did my own thing and when she woke up I did some activities with her. I didn’t try and force her to wake up earlier or she would of told me to bugger off 😅