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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Please cheer me up with teen holiday disasters

62 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 10:30

Please tell me it’s not just us.

On holiday in Italy with Dh and 3 dds aged 22, 20 and 16. First holiday as a five for a while. Youngest is autistic and that combined with being a hormonal teenage girl is not easy at moment.

Whilst we’ve had some pleasant times, there has also been arguments and rudeness/unreasonable demands from dd3.

I am under the illusion that other families don’t have this but I’m probably wrong.

Should add that older two dds definitely wanted to come and enjoy being with us but they’re finding their younger sister difficult to be around.

OP posts:
aramox1 · 16/08/2023 12:56

Ds at 16 spent most of holiday in his room. Apparently best holiday ever. This year we had arguments almost every day. Is she getting enough time to herself? Sympathies- it feels like holidays shouldn't be hard work but they really can be

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 15:32

Thank you @aramox1 she has her own room (dds 1 and 2 are sharing). First few days were actually very nice. Today dd3 is still upset about an argument last night and is refusing to come
out her room. She says we don’t want her around and that something always goes wrong so she’s not going to bother trying ☹️

OP posts:
yumscrummy · 16/08/2023 16:11

Yep 14 year old is being a pain just really petulant and makes snotty comments about everything. She always looks like she's scowling at everyone particularly me.

DarkChocHolic · 16/08/2023 16:48

@bbendmeoverbackwards
Solidarity!
Hormonal, anxious for gcsr results Dd here on holiday and it is not fun.
Rain here most days and the fact that she isn't abroad like her friends makes it so much more harder..
DH and she can set each other off within seconds...this morning I just wanted to go home...
Surprisingly we had a decent afternoon and back to the cottage..
2 more days....I have been advocating we leave a day early:-(

Mushroo · 16/08/2023 16:56

I don’t have teens but I remember going to Wales when I was 14/15.

I did NOT want to be there, most of my friends had gone to glamorous places abroad.

I refused to leave the cottage most days, complained it was too bright, and spent most of my time playing solitaire, or listening to My Chemical Romance on a Walkman.

I became normal I promise!

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 17:21

Thank you all. I had a chat with my wonderful friend today who knows a lot about autism. She pointed out to me that dd is probably exhausted from too much people time and she needs some time alone as she indeed does at home. And because she’s a bit behind emotionally, she can’t express it or articulate it. Makes a lot of sense. Plus the stress of GCSE results as @DarkChocHolic says.

OP posts:
Whatsthepoint1234 · 16/08/2023 17:32

We went back to my home country to see my family this year and stayed in a eurocamp with my sisters family. Ds2 was cycling around the campsite with his cousins and going inbetween me and his uncles caravan. Ds1 spent the entire time sat in his boxers in the caravan eating his own round of cheese and watching tiktok. The one time we managed to drag him out of the caravan to go to his grandmothers he spent the entire time watching ww2 videos on YouTube (my mother is from a Jewish family and my home country was occupied by the Nazis). I was so embarrassed we left early.

Whatsthepoint1234 · 16/08/2023 17:33

I forgot to add ds1 is also autistic and ww2 is one of his special interests much to my entire family’s and my discomfort.

Whatsthepoint1234 · 16/08/2023 17:34

YouTube is also banned in our household…

derekthe1adyhamster · 16/08/2023 17:51

We had a big extended family holiday abroad in a lovely villa. 14 year old niece barely left her room at all. I think we had 3 or 4 meals with her 🤣
She's very sociable now ❤️

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 18:00

@derekthe1adyhamster what did she do for food?

OP posts:
derekthe1adyhamster · 16/08/2023 18:11

She came and took a plate to her room 😁

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 16/08/2023 18:11

Also in Italy with a 13 and neatly 16 year old. Both neuro typical. The 13 year old has been mainly delightful, bit tetchy a couple of times as it us very hot, but interested, enjoying himself, very nice to be around. The nearly 16 year old (who said that he wanted to come) is a bit of a nightmare. Winding his brother up, refusing to come on outings, just staying in the apartment, on his phone. We have just left him to it mainly. Probably the last family holiday to be honest. We went round the Collisieum and he spent all his time on his phone!!!! He's not too bad but he just doesn't want to be here.

SummerSazz · 16/08/2023 18:21

I took my teenage dd's on a cruise and let them get on with it - help themselves to food and drink #notmyproblem 😁

One (16) spent a lot of time in the ilounge apparently doing schoolwork 🤨 and at the outdoor cinema. The other one 🤷‍♀️

They did come ashore and (mainly) enjoyed things and DD2 (15) did play cards with me in the evening

coxesorangepippin · 16/08/2023 18:34

I infamously remember being 14, on a tour of Italy and pouting at the coleseum, saying it was just a crap old building😶

Sewaccidentprone · 16/08/2023 18:37

Ds2 aged 15 in Madeira. Sat on a lounger on the beach. In jeans, trainers and top watching a film with headphones. Most days we just left him in the apartment (with key and some money) to do his own stuff. He usually walked to the bakery (I used to word walked loosely, it was actually under the apartment block).

And why did we have to go for 2 weeks, it was ages……

Aged 19, agreed to go with us to UK seaside Mon-Fri. On Weds he announced he wanted to go home. Of course he could, but he’d have to do bus, train, train and bus. He opted to stay a whole 2 days more. Think he had 2 meals with us the whole week. Don’t know why he said he wanted to come with us. He’d been away at Uni, he had to come ‘home’ as his rental contract had finished and I thought it would be ‘nice’ to spend some time with him.

I was wrong.

teenagers….what can you do

Octopus45 · 16/08/2023 19:02

We've just got back from an AI 7 day holiday in Turkey with our 16 and 13 year old boys. We made the mistake of all sharing a room which caused tension, younger one wouldn't go to sleep till 2am and stayed in bed till lunchtime. Know this is normal, my DH got more annoyed with it than me. Older one was a bit bored. Whilst it wasn't a disaster as such. we do need to plan a different sort of holiday for last year. I've always hated the idea of SC or having a villa cause I dont want to do any domestic stuff on holiday, but we do need to plan an alternative.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 17/08/2023 14:08

Thank you, these are all comforting but I’m sorry others are also suffering with their teens.

Dd is still in her room, I’ve been loving and patient with her in spite of her bossing me around and being demanding. Brought her food. Asked her to come to the pool. What else can I do? 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
timberho · 17/08/2023 14:22

Focus on your own holiday and your own enjoyment. Not only will you be happier I think there's a powerful lesson to be had that one person does not get to dictate the whole mood. It's fine to be grumpy or a bit unsettled but you can't bring everyone down.
Also sometimes they get in these strops and they don't know how to climb down from them - reduce the pressure and she might just start acting a bit more normally.

timberho · 17/08/2023 14:23

And sympathy 💐- it's a slog and you can't help but think why aren't they more grateful given the money that's been spent?!

Fififizz · 17/08/2023 16:05

We did a 3 night break as have had enough of the stress of regular holidays. DS 13 emerged from hotel for food (grudgingly) one trip to the shops (expensive) and to see a concert that was for him and the reason for our trip anyway. It didn’t feel
like making happy memories together and I was relieved once we were home!

junebirthdaygirl · 17/08/2023 16:55

Remember years ago taking my three teens to ltaly alone as dh was working. Youngest two were fully engaged but 16 year old sat in the apartment and watched the only English speaking program on TV. ( it was the days before iphones) . The program was about plane crashes which meant by going home he had developed fear of flying!!! We took a fabulous trip by boat to Venice with a day sightseeing and he refused to come. I really struggled. We spent a day in a water park and he loved that.
Years later he now has a slight fear of flying ...we have a fantastic photo displayed with 3 teens flying down a water slide full of glee and now and then he says l can't believe l have never been in Venice!
These times will pass.

lastminutewednesday · 17/08/2023 17:10

We went to Greece last year with Dd1 then 16, Dd2 15, DS1 11 and DS2 8. There was not one point in the holiday where there wasn't anyone moaning. The only time all four kids were happy was when they went on a ringo pulled by a speedboat. And then DH started moaning because of the cost of it.
Never ever again!!

Kilopascal · 17/08/2023 17:13

I'm sorry, but 'sat in his boxers in the caravan eating his own round of cheese' really made me snort.

Would he like to be friends with my ds?

Wavingnotdrown1ng · 17/08/2023 17:15

bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 17:21

Thank you all. I had a chat with my wonderful friend today who knows a lot about autism. She pointed out to me that dd is probably exhausted from too much people time and she needs some time alone as she indeed does at home. And because she’s a bit behind emotionally, she can’t express it or articulate it. Makes a lot of sense. Plus the stress of GCSE results as @DarkChocHolic says.

Absolutely agree with this, as the mother of a 16 yr old with ASD. For each day that we are out doing things, there tends to be a day when she keeps to her room, emerging only for good and the toilet. When we are at home, we’d never try to have two busy weekend days because the anxiety/meltdown/ shutdown repercussions are huge.