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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Please cheer me up with teen holiday disasters

62 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 16/08/2023 10:30

Please tell me it’s not just us.

On holiday in Italy with Dh and 3 dds aged 22, 20 and 16. First holiday as a five for a while. Youngest is autistic and that combined with being a hormonal teenage girl is not easy at moment.

Whilst we’ve had some pleasant times, there has also been arguments and rudeness/unreasonable demands from dd3.

I am under the illusion that other families don’t have this but I’m probably wrong.

Should add that older two dds definitely wanted to come and enjoy being with us but they’re finding their younger sister difficult to be around.

OP posts:

Shangrilalala · 17/08/2023 17:20

As a teen we went as a family to Hawaii. My father said we should all go to Pearl Harbour while we were there. I tantrumed, point blank refused to join them and spent the day in the hotel room watching the Golden Girls and eating McDonald’s.

I think about it now and am bemused at my behaviour; I cringe and so regret it.

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 17/08/2023 17:39

Thank you @Wavingnotdrown1ng I’m absolutely fine with her being in her room if that’s what she needs but the problem is that it’s just exacerbating her thoughts that she’s left out, we don’t want her etc. And now she feels that the holiday is ruined and that she has expectations of enjoying herself which aren’t realised. She just seems so unhappy and my heart aches for her.

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resipsa · 17/08/2023 17:45

We have just returned from Scotland. Cut short the holiday by 2 days as it was so bloody awful. 12 year old refused to come out with us on 2 of 5 days and refused an evening meal twice. The one day she was pleasant, her sister had a public tantrum over ice cream. Younger one also broke the bed. Total waste of time and money. Onwards 😄.

Kilopascal · 17/08/2023 17:51

And now she feels that the holiday is ruined and that she has expectations of enjoying herself which aren’t realised.

That's possibly because it's her first time there.

We did 'repeat' holidays for years. DS needed the familiarity, and the knowledge that if this year wasn't great, next time might be better.

DiscoBeat · 17/08/2023 17:52

Not just you! We had a great day at Universal Studios last week and everyone was tired after 12 hours of walking around. We managed to successfully drive back in one piece despite the crazy drivers and decided to walk out to an Asian restaurant to eat. DS13 asked for Subway instead so we said we'd walk along and get one for him then go. He thought he knew where it was but it wasn't so we walked a few blocks back, arguing that he should just try the Asian food. Then both he and DS15 said why don't they just get a McDs. We walked a fair way back again and found it was Drive thru only. So DS15 decided to walk through the Drive thru. DH went with him to make sure he was ok but when they got there they refused to serve them without a car. So DH went back to the car, took them to the Drive thru which took forever because the guy at the hatch couldn't understand them. Finally got it, took the car back, walked back to the restaurant and it was closed! All the while everyone was bickering. We had a lovely South Indian meal instead and the boys had dessert so it all worked out in the end and we were able to laugh about it but anyone seeing us would think we were a chronically dysfunctional family!

SandcastleQueen · 17/08/2023 18:09

Ahhhh, memories. Wales '99, in which my dear Dad had a stand up row with my teen sister because his Victorian values wouldn't let him allow her to pop out and visit her boyfriend whose family were camping in the next town. THIS IS A FAMILY HOLIDAY. Ironic, because his own new girlfriend plus her extended family were holidaying with us.

He then sent his GF to do his dirty work and coax us teens home from a pub where we were deep in conversation with two very attractive locals...fuming.

In hindsight, he was probably doing his best to prevent his kids from getting drunk and pregnant while trying to get us to bond with his GF😂shit holiday though.

If it helps, I had some amazing holidays with both my dad and my mum once past 18!

tarheelbaby · 17/08/2023 18:10

I hear you.
We spent 3 weeks in the US visiting family and friends. It was sometimes hellish, especially at my dad's. He seems ok but is actually not very mobile. He wanted to spend time with DDs (13 & 16) but they lurked in their rooms, answered all questions with shrugs or monosyllables, scowled lots. I told them off several times and finally confiscated their phones. Things improved slightly but it was still v. disappointing.
At other places with other relatives/friends, they were better but could still be sullen and surly. Mainly they wanted to go to a pool, any pool, or the beach.
Last year we were in Italy for 2 weeks and it was mostly fine: DDs were certainly reasonable, even cheerful.

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 17/08/2023 18:13

@DiscoBeat that made me laugh! Your ds pitching up at the drive thru with no car 😂

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SmirnoffIceIsNice · 17/08/2023 18:17

Went on holiday a few years back and gave daughters (17 & 19) responsibility for choosing their own holiday outfits and packing. They both had tons of clothes to choose from.

Got to apartment and asked them to unpack. Eldest DD - who had left it to the last minute to pack - had for some reason only packed a couple of tops and hardly any bottom items. Didn't help that she was a tiny size 4 and her younger sister was a 10, so she couldn't even borrow much. It was a difficult week and she had a strop on for most of it as she had nothing to wear

grass321 · 17/08/2023 18:21

My teenager had arranged our day in Dubrovnik when we were on a cruise last summer. He'd been making full use of the free drinks on board the night before.

He'd organised a lovely private boat tour for us and then spent the entire trip being copiously sick over the side. Including the area in which his younger brother was snorkelling. (He blamed it on the snorkel, hmmm I think not).

Owjrbvr · 17/08/2023 19:57

This brings back memories of a trip to France when I was a teen and I’m fairly sure that me and my sister only left the house wr were renting to go out for dinner twice. My parents just went out anyway and probably loved it!
Currently away with my teen on a trip planned around an event she wanted to go to and she is not talking to us; it’s as if we’ve forced her to come and I’ve got no idea why. I’m practicing letting it pass me by which is what my parents perfected I think.
I also agree with the earlier comment about them working themselves up into a strop that they don’t know how to back out of if challenged

Rainbowstone · 17/08/2023 20:05

Am with you, just got back from Greece with our 4 kids and at all times at least one or more were in a mood/arguing/vile. My eldest is ND and he was either excited or bad tempered, the two eldest refused to come on some day trips with us, and one day all 4 of them stayed in the apartment on screens so we went to the pool by ourselves and had a lovely day reading and sunbathing (they came down when they wanted food). DD(13) at one point called me a bitch and DS (15) told DH to F off. It took us all year to save for this holiday. To be fair we also had some lovely times and on balance it was worth it. DH said never again…

TheOriginalMrsMoss · 17/08/2023 20:34

I could probably write a book on this. 4 sons and always at least 2 or 3 teens in recent years. Need I say more.

Highlights include the holiday of a lifetime US holiday where DS2 point blank refused to do anything at all apart from visit NASA ... for a rocket launch that was cancelled due to bad weather. We drove back in a minor hurricane in fear of our lives. Happy days.

Last year we booked an expensive holiday as we'd not had a proper holiday for 3 years. DS4 slept all day in his pants, ate not one morsel of the delicious food included in the holiday but forced himself to come along to the expensive meals out. Also sat fully clothed on a sun lounger at the beach scowling and sloped around like Shaggy off Scooby Doo. We spent ££££ for him to stay in bed and ask for food - could've stayed at home for that!

Never again. I really mean it. DS4 is now 16 and none of them are invited ever again.

CharlotteBog · 17/08/2023 22:33

I am away with my 24 and 14 yo sons.
I have spent 3 years of holiday budget on accommodation so that we all have our own rooms.

We spend the days together and can then go to our own space.

We would have fallen out many times otherwise.

VanillaImpulse · 17/08/2023 22:52

Reading this makes me feel a lot better about the current holiday I am on with dd14! Constant moaning and a face like thunder. So hard to not let it get to me and bring everyone else down.

BlowDryRat · 17/08/2023 23:27

Last year we spent an absolute fortune on a two-week tour of Costa Rica, finishing up at an AI on the beach. Somewhere around day 6, DD was sobbing that there was "too much nature and she wanted it all to go away". At the AI, DS discovered room service and quite happily spent an entire day in bed, in his pants, playing on his Switch while being waited on by the hotel staff. I had to stay at the hotel to supervise this "activity" while DH took DD to a sloth sanctuary with a beautiful waterfall I'd really wanted to see. It was a brilliant trip but it's made me rethink how we do our next holidays. Plenty of down time in between activities.

We go on holiday next week and no one wants to do anything, including DH. DS wants to go to a "really nice beach", so that's something. I'm fully intending on leaving them to laze around the pool while I go and do/see things. They're welcome to come if they want!

Itslookinggood · 18/08/2023 07:26

omg BlowDryRat are you me 😂'DD was sobbing that there was "too much nature and she wanted it all to go away". At the AI, DS discovered room service and quite happily spent an entire day in bed, in his pants, playing on his Switch while being waited on by the hotel staff.'

This is currently me. Spent a fortune on holiday of a lifetime in Thailand (last family one before DD (17) heads off on inter-railing, uni etc). Currently in fabulous eco-resort on beach. Cries of 'too much nature' and maximum use of room service (DS (15) in joggers and a hoodie despite 30 degree heat).

Very thankful for the separate rooms decision, that has been the saving grace 😅

grass321 · 18/08/2023 07:47

And the alcohol consumption. Arrived, went straight to lunch and my 19 year old ordered a double gin and tonic while my 16 year old had a cocktail then a beer. It was 2 o clock and we'd been there all of 15 minutes.

AI is great but it doesn't mean let's drink our way through the bar menu at every given opportunity. Words were had.

They were also happy to do anything but only until midday when the Ashes started. At that point the Sky Sports phone app was the constant companion (with head phones) and all socialising ceased for the remainder of the day.

CrapBucket · 18/08/2023 07:54

This year my teens have been away with their friends. And I went away with my friend. We all got the holiday we preferred! We also had one night away as a family which is the perfect length of time I think…

Smoky1107 · 18/08/2023 07:58

Larry family holiday was a cottage, we fell out with the horrible 15 year old. That was four years ago. We are braving another one next week but in a villa and with guaranteed sunshine. Plus she's nearly 20 and is mostly delightful

Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 18/08/2023 10:59

CrapBucket · 18/08/2023 07:54

How can they afford it @CrapBucket ? Everyone says teens prefer to holiday with their friends but who funds it?

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Original poster

bendmeoverbackwards · 18/08/2023 11:03

@Smoky1107 that gives me hope! The change in emotional maturity between 16 and 20 is huge.

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CointreauVersial · 18/08/2023 11:13

Too many to mention!

We went to California when the DDs were 15 and 13, and drove up to Yosemite for a couple of days.

DD1 threw a strop, saying I'd lied about there being buses to take you around everywhere. Errr...yes, there are buses, but they don't take you UP THE MOUNTAINS, just between the different areas of the park. You do have to walk a little. It's not a bloody safari park.

DD2 said why would she even GO to Yosemite, when she could see it all on Google Earth? Honestly, not sure why we bothered.

The rest of the trip was dominated by bloody Pokemon Go, which was all the rage in 2016. They (and their brother) spent the whole time looking at their phones. "Can we go to X....because someone has seen a Charmander there?".

MaybeBabyTwo · 18/08/2023 11:19

I haven't got a teenager yet but this reminded of our last family holiday, trip to Greece, brother refused to take off his long sleeves for two days until he did and then revealed a load of self harm they didn't know about (all fine now), and I had a boyfriend back home and no concept of overseas calling rates at the time, so we came home from an awful week to a £500+ phone bill..... we are all close again now!!!

TokyoSushi · 18/08/2023 11:24

I can feel this coming already with DS 13 next week in Eurocamp. He's very independent/self sufficient and it's an enormous one with loads to do so I'm going to take pp's advice and just enjoy my own holiday and leave him to it!

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