What would be a fair punishment.

[ThePM]

I only have daughters, so perhaps would look for a more severe punishment than parents of sons.

What punishment should be put in place for the boys who push in the toilet doors at school to film the girls. Or who make videos of themselves being lascivious about classmates (e.g. pretending to masturbate whilst saying her name) and the like. All the videos have been distributed to friends and/or classmates. I just see them getting away with it.

I don’t believe for one second that this is boys immaturity and having a laugh, I think it’s pure domination and predation, and should be treated accordingly. Do parents of sons ever point out “your friend sounds like a sexual predator”

I would like that -this was always a criminal matter; that there was a legal ban on the perpetrators having access to smartphones; a ban on using the internet other than under the supervision of a parent/teacher.

Well, what is being done? Have the boys been reported to school for harassment? Depending on the exact nature of the videos, reporting to the police might also be appropriate.

I would expect exclusion, he's a sex pest at the end of the day - mum of teen daughters who recently had to explain whether a prank on a school trip really involved semen.

Have you spoken to the safeguarding lead at school ?

Do parents of sons ever point out “your friend sounds like a sexual predator”

Why are parents of sons pointing out some other teenage boy’s behaviour? They probably know nothing about it.

I would report to the police - it is a criminal matter

I would also expect him to be expelled from school

Definitely report it to the police and the school.

Two slightly different points.

People are saying “He” as if this is a one off- this happens in every mixed sex school, in every year.

The police checked a couple of phones, but didn’t pursue it criminally. Exclusion- didn’t happen.

So when your kids friends behave inappropriately you feel a parent shouldn't point it out?
Of course parents may know about behaviour if they see it or its talked about.
What a weird post.

It should be dealt with extremely seriously by school and potentially police.

I don't really understand how you think they could be banned from owning a smartphone though - they aren't something you need a licence to get.

Or only using the internet under supervision? What? How on earth would that be enforceable?

That’s a rather bold statement. How do you know it happens in every year of every mixed sex school ?

Do parents not start the conversation?
e.g. “Are there boys who look to film girls in the toilets?” Or “Have you been sent videos of boys being gross about classmates”?

That thread the other day about the poster's 16yo DD who had written swearwords all over her exam paper is an interesting contrast - that was seen as extremely serious with her potentially being withdrawn from multiple exams and having to resit the year.

I'd argue that swearing in a humourous way as she had intended, while inappropriate, was nowhere near as harmful as sexually predatory behaviour.

I think our priorities are quite skewed if we are treating the former more seriousl than the latter.

Why would anyone randomly ask about boys filming girls in the toilets.

Of course it should be treated extremely seriously by school, police and parents. And it’s terrible if it isn’t

the OP makes this sound like a parents of girls vs parents of boys thing though - why? Is this something you are coming up against OP?

(no idea where this leaves those of us with boys and girls)

Can I just say- you really sound like you are minimizing it. When parents say “boys do stupid shit” and you specifically ask if that includes this sort of stupid shit the answer is yes.

When I read the “school refusers” thread there are many examples of girls refusing to go to school because of this. That is, girls sacrificing their education because of boys’ stupid shit/sexual predation.
It sounds like you think there is less onus on the boys to just not do that than there is on the girls to accept it as normal?

… because someone started a thread on Mumsnet and you wanted to ask it it happens at his school?

… because it was in the news?

… because you want to set the standard of behaviour?

I've never specifically asked my ds about teens behaviour.

But we did have a chat about social media (he's not on it other than joining insta at 18)

We chatted about how it remains forever. How sharing explicit photos under 18 was illegal.
About what can constitute abuse and harassment.

I do know that there were some events during his time in secondary school because he told me pupils had been punished and they'd had phse lessons on use of phones etc.

They weren't specifically told it was related to pupils who has been excluded (fixed term) but he knew because let's face it - teens talk.

However it was an equal number of both sexes doing it so I never specifically talked about it being males. I talked about the law and emotions and harassment in general terms.

The only experience he had was a girl offering to send him a top less picture (he was horrified 😂) and I told him to respond informing her that was against the law for distributing child porn and if she sent it he'd report to the police.

He was bullied pretty horrifically for being a prude and threatening police but school came down on the perpetrators really harshly which I was grateful for.

It all blew over in about 2 weeks as they learned collectively this shit wasn't being out up with.

I’m not minimising it, I’m calling you out on your statement. I work in schools , I really don’t think it happens in every year of every school.
And you’ve not answered my question of whether you’ve spoken to the safeguarding lead.

No parent I know would ask their son if boys are inappropriately filming girls, why the hell would we. Its a minority of dickheads who clearly need taking to task, possibly by the police.

it most definitely does not happen at every mixed school, and would certainly lead to an exclusion in my school if it did

Honestly, I think this comes from a fundamental change in how parents treat their kids. Male teens are the end product of toddler and primary school boys who were never shouted at, shamed, smacked. Little princes who could do no wrong and learned to have no respect for their mothers. Men have really powerful urges that can make them frightening if they've never learned to mitigate their instinct to individualism.

It is a real shame. We are all less safe because of it. But every parent of a small child should have a think about what they're sowing when they expect the world to make way for their little darlings.

there has not been any change, we were sexually harassed at school 40 years ago, and so were out parents

Huh, OK. I think it’s weird to assume that other parents know everything about what’s going on with their teenagers classmates. Certainly I get told if there’s something outrageous and my kid is not involved, but I think the scenario the OP is explaining a teen is unlikely to show their parents their mate’s dodgy pretend-wank videos. Because they (should) know full well they’ll get short shrift about how awful it is. And if the parents don’t know, they can’t tell their own sons that their mate is a sexual predator.

Yeah I was sexually harassed by teen boys who were shouted at, shamed and smacked as children. That’s an absolutely bollocks theory

I wasn't. Some schools were bad (I imagine private schools in particular) but boys were shamed for inappropriate displays of sexuality in my experience.