17yr old doesn't want to come on holiday

[Rolo1324]

Hi, my son has just announced he doesn't want to come on holiday with us this July because he'll be bored! I did check with him when I booked that he wanted to come. I'm not able to cancel his flight and look like we'll lose £700. I'm not sure how to manage this if terms of him understanding the cost implications.

But if he was going he wouldn't be expected to pay.... Him paying his share was never on the cards. So your example is not like for like. So the options are come with us against your will and get a free holiday or else stay at home and give us 700. It's punishment. Is the 700 just the cost of his flight?

Yes, it is a punishment, that's not a dirty word. He has behaved childishly and selfishly.

This would wind me up too. One of mine didn't want to come at 15, thought she was missing out on some party, but did come at the last minute.

As to whether you'd leave him alone at 17 .... totally depends on the teen. Would have left one of mine without any hesitation .... would prob come back to a cleaner house. Didn't leave the other until she was nearly 19 ..... our house would have been party central and prob trashed.

Great, throw even more money at him! 🙄

And this is where our thinking departs.

You think punishment works and that it is the best way of dealing with his selfish behaviour.

I think there are other ways of dealing with selfish behaviour that will be more effective in the longer term.

He's taking the piss. I would be seriously annoyed with him. Making him take responsibility is not punishing him.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves Yes, you've said that. You haven't really said what these magical ways are, though.

This. He isn't entitled to driving lessons and monetary top ups at 17, you can say no and it isn't a punishment.

Absolutely agree. He needs to learn that adult life costs money!

The point is to make him realise there are consequences due to his choices.

No wonder there are so many annoying as fuck flaky adults in the world who think they can let friends down over concert tickets/holidays/ etc if they've never learnt that agreeing to something then backing out has repercussions.

If he had said no in the first place op wouldn’t have spent the £700 in the first place

Exactly. That poster saying it's "profiting" is wrong. She wouldn't have spent that money on his place/flight. So she's not making any extra money out of this.

Yeah because forcing him to go on a holiday he doesn’t want or pay for it as an afterthought because shock horror the teenager bailed is definitely going to make that point.

Yeah because forcing him to go on a holiday he doesn’t want or pay for it as an afterthought because shock horror the teenager bailed is definitely going to make that point.

I mean you're clearly saying that sarcastically, but yes, it seems patently obvious that it would make that point.

@Gamechanger82 I was more commenting on the part of that comment about getting him to pay for it.

I wouldn't make him go, I'd make him pay for it.

But if he did decide to go instead of paying for it, I would not tolerate him making it miserable for everybody else.

@Gamechanger82 Well, he'd be in trouble. Allowance revoked, no driving lessons, etc etc. He might do it anyway but I wouldn't just tolerate it.

I despair about how some people's teens behave on holiday on MN, I would never have dreamt of being that ungrateful.

I'd let him stew in his misery. He wanted to go .