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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Missed out of yearbook

77 replies

pinkpip100 · 26/05/2023 17:56

So this post could well be very outing, but I really needed to get it off my chest and I feel like if I talk to anyone about it I will start crying, which is totally ridiculous and something I really don't want to do.

DC18 had a year 13 leaver's assembly today and at the end collected their yearbook - brought it home and realised that they have actually not been included in it (every single other year 13 student has an entry, but their's has been missed out). It seems to be human error, school are very apologetic (I've spoken to head of 6th form). DC is saying they're not too bothered, but has a tendency to bottle things up and very rarely express any emotions. DC is neurodiverse and has had a really crappy time at 6th form, has ended their 2 years there with literally not a single friend and, although they do have a ticket for the prom, is unlikely to talk to anyone there and definitely won't be invited to any after parties. The whole thing makes me so sad anyway, and the yearbook disaster just feels like a complete kick in the teeth for them.
Not sure what the point of my post is, I suppose just to see if anyone else has a very lonely teen and feels really sad about it....

OP posts:
BonjourCrisette · 26/05/2023 18:03

This is terrible. I'm so sorry.

Lulu1919 · 26/05/2023 18:05

That's rubbish ..but truly this time next year it will be 'what year book '

Grimbelina · 26/05/2023 18:07

That is truly terrible. I don't think an apology from the school would cut it. They need to issue a new yearbook (even if just for him). Poor thing.

I hope he might feel more positive wherever he does next though, as so many ND people only make friends after school, through interests, at university etc. This was certainly true for me.

TheVeryThing · 26/05/2023 18:09

I'm so sorry, they really should make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen. I hope your ds has friends outside school and that he will find his niche in whatever he does next.
I have a neurodivergent preteen who is struggling at the moment. Sending solidarity.

Original poster
pinkpip100 · 26/05/2023 18:25

Thanks so much - sadly no friends outside of school either, luckily they have 3 siblings so at least there's always company at home!
Off to Uni in September, I am just praying that they can find a 'bigger pool' and make some friends there.

OP posts:
Grimbelina · 26/05/2023 18:37

That's great that he is going to University, much higher chance of finding his 'people' there. I would be really cross about the book.

XelaM · 26/05/2023 19:13

That's horrible! Who was responsible for the year book? Hey need to get another copy printed

musixa · 26/05/2023 19:19

Really rubbish, sorry this has happened to you, OP. Is there a digital or PDF version of the yearbook to which your DC could be added as a 'better than nothing' option?

Original poster
pinkpip100 · 27/05/2023 11:15

They have said they can get one copy printed with dc included - dc not sure they want that as a) "I'll still be missing from everyone else's so what's the point" and b) "it will mess up the alphabetisation"!

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 27/05/2023 11:25

Your poor boy.. that is awful.

notquitesoyoung · 27/05/2023 11:26

DS's school had to reprint and redistribute the year book a few years ago when there was an issue - think there was a name and blank page for someone but don't remember exactly. Don't let the issue be minimised, one copy including DS is a crap solution. At the end of the day if they had no value they wouldn't bother doing them, turn the reasons why they do them in the first place into the reason why a full reprint is necessary to include ALL students.

CannotThinkOfABloodyName · 27/05/2023 11:50

No I'd be fuming. The school need to redo them with him included and send them out to every child who left stating there was an error in the first one. How bloody awful.

Ps hope he finds his tribe at uni, I'm sure he will.

MsSquiz · 27/05/2023 11:58

That's awful! A similar thing happened to me. My school had a speech day & prize giving ceremony every year. In year 13, they would have all students named in a list on the back, along with what they were going on to study and at which university. My name was missed off. Made all the more obvious as I was last alphabetically! This was because head of sixth form and I did not get on and I refused to complete a ucas application as I wasn't going to university. She gave that as the reason, but another student was going on to work for a bank and that was listed!

It still annoys me and it was 20 years ago

continentallentil · 27/05/2023 12:01

Ahh that is awful.

It may well annoy them in 20 years if yearbooks come up in conv. But it’s not like anyone keeps them really.

Let them feel upset, but after that point out it’s not ultimately an important thing and to move on.

continentallentil · 27/05/2023 12:05

CannotThinkOfABloodyName · 27/05/2023 11:50

No I'd be fuming. The school need to redo them with him included and send them out to every child who left stating there was an error in the first one. How bloody awful.

Ps hope he finds his tribe at uni, I'm sure he will.

It is awful, but mistakes happen.

The school can’t be expected to pay for a full reprint given how tight school budgets are, although OP you could pay for it, and just have the school reissue it without commenting that you paid.

malarkyintheparky · 27/05/2023 12:11

CannotThinkOfABloodyName · 27/05/2023 11:50

No I'd be fuming. The school need to redo them with him included and send them out to every child who left stating there was an error in the first one. How bloody awful.

Ps hope he finds his tribe at uni, I'm sure he will.

This.

This is the kind of thing that can stay with someone for the rest of their lives. Don't further involve your DC in discussions and just deal directly with the school. They need to make this right.

If reissuing all of the books isn't possible they need to get one done for your DC. Get them to send it with a letter (which looks like it is being sent to everyone) after term ends (so no drama about it) saying there was an error and here is the corrected version, sorry.

cansu · 27/05/2023 12:14

School have offered to print one for the student. No of course they can't reprint all of them.

Birdfeather · 27/05/2023 12:33

cansu · 27/05/2023 12:14

School have offered to print one for the student. No of course they can't reprint all of them.

But why couldn’t they?

Yes a real headache, yes an extra cost in an already hugely squeezed environment. But if they commit to these things they can’t do it in a half arsed way. They obviously thought it was important enough to do - so rectify it properly.

These thing stick in the mind. The OP seems to think their child is putting on a brave face. If that’s the case, and let’s face it, the OP knows them best, this could really stay with them. It could make them believe they are worthless or play on those thoughts in the future.

Yes mistakes happen (although I have to say it god knows how given they’d be working from a register and surely you’d have someone to check it) but some mistakes shouldn’t be resolved with an apology or rectification that doesn’t go far enough.

cansu · 27/05/2023 12:52

Because schools cannot afford it. They have to consider what else they need to pay for. They made a mistake and a reasonable offer to reprint one year group. They could of course decide that doing stuff like year books which take up staff and admin time are too expensive.

timetochangethename · 27/05/2023 12:55

I wouldn't let this go. I'd go straight to board of governors and say the school have to rectify this. They need to reprint with him in the correct place even if it means re alphabetising the whole thing.

Their mistake, they have to fix it. Your poor do.

Iwasafool · 27/05/2023 13:00

continentallentil · 27/05/2023 12:05

It is awful, but mistakes happen.

The school can’t be expected to pay for a full reprint given how tight school budgets are, although OP you could pay for it, and just have the school reissue it without commenting that you paid.

Show quote history

Why should the OP pay for their mistake? If you decide to do something like this you need to do it properly.

Iwasafool · 27/05/2023 13:01

cansu · 27/05/2023 12:52

Because schools cannot afford it. They have to consider what else they need to pay for. They made a mistake and a reasonable offer to reprint one year group. They could of course decide that doing stuff like year books which take up staff and admin time are too expensive.

Well that's tough, they didn't have to do it, they chose to do it so they should have done it properly. If they decide to stop doing it in future years then everyone is equal which is as it should be.

user1477391263 · 27/05/2023 13:05

It is shit but schools have no money right now.

ididntknowthat11 · 27/05/2023 13:05

Your poor child Sad

Well the school need to, at the very least, investigate who is at fault.

If it's the printers, they are obliged to do a full reprint.

If it was the schools error, not as simple as they would presumably have to pay to reprint.

Whether I would pursue this though, I don't know, as it's not going to change the fact that your poor kid has had a pretty shit time at 6th form. Maybe just best to draw a line under it and move on.

Printing one copy for them achieves nothing.

Onwards and upwards, all the best for uni xxxx

Original poster
pinkpip100 · 27/05/2023 13:11

Thanks for the support. I don't think they'd reprint even if I asked them to, the cost would just be too high (we paid £15 per student for the yearbooks, which I'm guessing would just be to cover their costs). I do feel that the offer to just reprint dc's copy, with his entry shoved in wherever they can fit it, isn't enough, but I'm not sure there is anything else (realistic) that I can ask for. It's just a shit situation really.

OP posts: