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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son wants girlfriend to sleep over - I haven’t met her yet. AIBU?

72 replies

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 20/05/2023 16:57

Hello,

My 19 year old son (and eldest child) announced to me that he’d been seeing a girl a couple of weeks ago. They both have part time jobs at the same place. He is going to university in September (but will be able to come home at weekends) and she is 17 and in her first year at college doing A-levels. He’s already had a lecture about being careful! I don’t want either of them to end up off their current career track etc. and I certainly don’t want to be a grandmother yet.

I am going through a divorce with his dad and my son stays with his father mostly but had asked for his girlfriend to come round tomorrow to meet me. I cleaned the house from top to bottom! He has now announced she is staying over so I said I wasn’t comfortable with that as I haven’t actually met her yet.

I don’t want to be a prude but AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaandLemonDrizzle · 20/05/2023 17:01

Forgot to mention that I also have a 14 year old daughter at home who has never met this girl either. I think she will find it really uncomfortable.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 20/05/2023 17:03

Can they stay at his dads instead? Or can your daughter? I don’t think it’s a huge deal to be honest, theyl likely spend most of the time in his room anyway.

aSofaNearYou · 20/05/2023 17:05

Doesn't sound like a big deal tbh, he's at a normal age to have a girlfriend stay over. I'd be more concerned about the 14 year old if it was a man.

ButtOutBobsMum · 20/05/2023 17:10

YANBU

Haywirecity · 20/05/2023 17:11

YANBU.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 20/05/2023 17:15

He's an adult and it's his home. YABU.

Sarah2891 · 20/05/2023 17:17

YANBU. It's your house, if you aren't comfortable with it that's ok to say no.

Original poster
TeaandLemonDrizzle · 20/05/2023 17:21

I don’t have an issue with her staying over but my issue is I have never met her. I wasn’t expecting her staying over on day 1 making both myself and my shy daughter feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Inca22 · 20/05/2023 17:29

Surely you'd have met her by the time she sleeps? He's 19 - I'd let him but I know my husband wouldn't. Sorry that's not helpful !

Lamelie · 20/05/2023 17:33

Spare room? I’ve got spare rooms only now the DCs have left home but I’d always boxed and coxed so the guest at least started off alone. I then firmly shut my door.
Would you want your 17 yo dd sent off to bed with her boyfriend?

LakeTiticaca · 20/05/2023 17:36

Your house, your rules. If you are not happy with this, she doesn't stay over, end of

TomatoSandwiches · 20/05/2023 17:39

YANBU she can come for dinner but no need for her to stay over unless you are happy, if he doesn't like it he can go to his father's.

Paperlate · 20/05/2023 17:41

I think YABU. I'd let her stay over. It's not that big a deal at their age is it?

gamerchick · 20/05/2023 17:42

Nope because before you know it you're passing her on the landing every morning. Not a chance when there's young teens in the house

Soonenough · 20/05/2023 17:43

I think you are right. You and your daughter have never met her before this. A simple Not this time should be enough. See if they go the distance first. I always said that my DCs could only have serious relationship partner stay over. They have only been together a few weeks . I was really unhappy about the idea of casual dates on my house. Go home .!

Paperlate · 20/05/2023 17:47

I think you will find you will see less of him if his dad lets his GF stay over. Your choice thorough.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/05/2023 17:50

You didn’t enable voting, but you are not being unreasonable ( she could be a very undesirable character, roaming around your house in the middle of the night.)

2bazookas · 20/05/2023 18:03

Just tell him no. A stranger you have never met can't stay over at your house. Suggest they fuck at her parents instead.

Offer to explain your decision to her mother.

Dreamlight · 20/05/2023 18:03

When my son and his girlfriend then 17 &18 started dating he asked if she could stay over. We agreed, but she got his bed and he slept in the living room (no spare room). This continued for the next 8 months and then they went on holiday together. After that we allowed them to stay together in his room. We'd known her long enough, they had obviously slept together on holiday and so it didn't make sense to keep them apart after that.

Tots678 · 20/05/2023 18:09

Perhaps say you’d like to meet her DPs.
As you are oking a sex life with your son.

DustyLee123 · 20/05/2023 18:10

I didn’t let mine stay over until I’d met her once, and they’d been going out a while. They can do what they want at Uni, but this is your house.

gogohmm · 20/05/2023 18:11

He's an adult, yabu. I let mine have their boyfriends to stay

AssertiveGertrude · 20/05/2023 18:12

He could sleep on the sofa or spare room (at least you could tell your daughter that)

Ragwort · 20/05/2023 18:12

Your house your rules and if you are not comfortable with the arrangement then just say 'no'. My DS is 22 and has never asked to bring a GF home. A relative of mine wanted to be cool and allowed her DD to bring home a BF for a sleepover and then it became a stream of different men & she felt it was too late to say 'no'. I don't get the argument that if you refuse then you may fall out with your teen DC ... tough, if the relationship only works because you are facilitating their love sex life then it's not much of a relationship.
I am incredibly close to my DPs but managed to have a healthy sex life without bringing BFs home for the night.

discan · 20/05/2023 18:13

Nope. We don't have strangers in my house. I have no objection to a long term relationship and staying over but I would expect to know the person well enough by then.

I can't work out if he told you a couple of weeks ago or if he started seeing her a couple of weeks ago? Either way there is no way she would be staying at my house yet.

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