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Teenagers

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Original poster

Son wants girlfriend to sleep over - I haven’t met her yet. AIBU?

72 replies

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 20/05/2023 16:57

Hello,

My 19 year old son (and eldest child) announced to me that he’d been seeing a girl a couple of weeks ago. They both have part time jobs at the same place. He is going to university in September (but will be able to come home at weekends) and she is 17 and in her first year at college doing A-levels. He’s already had a lecture about being careful! I don’t want either of them to end up off their current career track etc. and I certainly don’t want to be a grandmother yet.

I am going through a divorce with his dad and my son stays with his father mostly but had asked for his girlfriend to come round tomorrow to meet me. I cleaned the house from top to bottom! He has now announced she is staying over so I said I wasn’t comfortable with that as I haven’t actually met her yet.

I don’t want to be a prude but AIBU?

OP posts:
mintbiscuit · 20/05/2023 18:15

Exact same thing happened to me. DS19 seeing a girl. I met her once very briefly then he announced she was staying over. Sorry but unless I know someone reasonably well they ain’t sleeping in my house. That goes for ANYONE. If it was a longer term girlfriend who I knew I would have been fine.

YANBU

BirbFriend · 20/05/2023 18:18

I just used to sneak boyfriends in and out as a teen in the 90s 😂

Paperlate · 20/05/2023 18:27

Tots678 · 20/05/2023 18:09

Perhaps say you’d like to meet her DPs.
As you are oking a sex life with your son.

Adult children will have a sex life whether you ok it or not.

WateryDoom · 20/05/2023 18:49

I think it's entirely up to you. I wouldn't feel comfortable with this (and have a DS roughly the same age). We've had various bf/gf staying here with his older siblings - but all of them were once they were in adult committed relationships.

Xrays · 20/05/2023 19:00

We never let dd have people over (she is bisexual). It’s our house and I don’t want to be waking up with other people here. It’s never come between us, we’re very close, text all the time on and off, she tells me everything but at 20 now I’m convinced it was one of the merits of her popping off to university! 😁 My mum was the opposite with me and always let me bring whoever I wanted back and to be honest I think it caused me to get into some very wrong relationships and sexual experiences too early and too deep.

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 19:08

Gawd, I really can't see what the problem is with letting her stay over?

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 19:09

2bazookas · 20/05/2023 18:03

Just tell him no. A stranger you have never met can't stay over at your house. Suggest they fuck at her parents instead.

Offer to explain your decision to her mother.

How horrible

discan · 20/05/2023 19:12

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 19:08

Gawd, I really can't see what the problem is with letting her stay over?

You don't mind strangers staying in your house?

Paperlate · 20/05/2023 19:56

She's not a stranger to the DS though. And it is his home too.

discan · 20/05/2023 19:59

Paperlate · 20/05/2023 19:56

She's not a stranger to the DS though. And it is his home too.

I don't think it matters. She is a stranger to some.

BrokenWing · 20/05/2023 20:06

There isn't a right or wrong answer, if you feel uncomfortable with it so early in their relationship there is nothing wrong with that, if you feel comfortable that is also ok, but either way it is your home and your decision.

Ds's gf started staying over around 3-4 months into their relationship, ds never even asked before then which to me was a sign of showing consideration and respect for both us and her.

She regularly visited, sometimes chatted, sometimes they cooked in kitchen and then stayed late in his room, but we didnt have the awkwardness of facing her over our cornflakes.

wildfirewonder · 20/05/2023 20:09

I think it is fine to say you would like to meet her once before she stays over. It is your home and your position is in the normal range.

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 20:11

discan · 20/05/2023 19:12

You don't mind strangers staying in your house?

Show quote history

She's not a stranger, she's his girlfriend!

discan · 20/05/2023 20:12

She's not a stranger, she's his girlfriend!

She is a stranger to anyone else who lives in the house.

Zuyi · 20/05/2023 20:15

Yes! I had boyfriends try to do this and it was SUPER awkward with their mothers. No sneaking around. Meet them first. Everything in the right order.

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 20:17

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/05/2023 17:50

You didn’t enable voting, but you are not being unreasonable ( she could be a very undesirable character, roaming around your house in the middle of the night.)

An 'undesirable character'?! Grin

I mean you'd hope to trust your kids enough to not bring 'undesirable characters' home.

Don't people talk to their DC? Sheesh!

GoodVibesHere · 20/05/2023 20:18

discan · 20/05/2023 20:12

She's not a stranger, she's his girlfriend!

She is a stranger to anyone else who lives in the house.

But as soon as they meet her, voila, she's no longer a stranger.

AllGussiedUp · 20/05/2023 20:19

I think it’s fair to say you want to meet her first on a different day to she sleeps over. Your daughter needs to feel comfortable with who is in her home. Once everyone knows her a little, then she can stay over.

discan · 20/05/2023 20:23

But as soon as they meet her, voila, she's no longer a stranger.

I think this is deliberate being obtuse.

Inkypot · 20/05/2023 20:33

You're not being unreasonable, I think you're fair in saying you and your daughter do not know her well enough (indeed at all) for this.
Moreover what girl at 17 is confident enough to turn up and stay over at new boyfriend's mum's house 😳 Bit brazen tbh.

Hairday · 20/05/2023 20:37

Inkypot · 20/05/2023 20:33

You're not being unreasonable, I think you're fair in saying you and your daughter do not know her well enough (indeed at all) for this.
Moreover what girl at 17 is confident enough to turn up and stay over at new boyfriend's mum's house 😳 Bit brazen tbh.

It's not "brazen" to go somewhere you're invited!

TomatoSandwiches · 20/05/2023 20:55

Hairday · 20/05/2023 20:37

It's not "brazen" to go somewhere you're invited!

Show quote history

He isn't living in a house share, this is his parents house, the family home.
It is rude to invite someone without clearing it first and also quite unpolite to not insist as his GF that he introduces her to mum and or dad.

Hairday · 20/05/2023 20:57

That's really on him, though. It's not for her to dictate how he behaves to his family

TomatoSandwiches · 20/05/2023 21:08

Hairday · 20/05/2023 20:57

That's really on him, though. It's not for her to dictate how he behaves to his family

It is a boundary she can make, I certainly did when I was dating, if a boyfriend didn't want to introduce me I would insist or stop going out with them.

Inkypot · 20/05/2023 21:15

@TomatoSandwiches exactly, thank you 😊

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