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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would you do? Attempt 2 with all names removed!!

67 replies

Emmacarrie86 · 29/03/2023 00:12

I don’t know what I actually want to get out of this…probably just to vent and ask for advice!!

My 15 year old son has been getting bullied lately and it has become quite serious (like police level serious). Last week a bunch of boys all took it in turns to pee on a ball of toilet roll until it was saturated and then threw it at my son and he was drenched in their urine. He obviously walked out of school after that to come home for a Shower then went off to his afternoon college class. He told his guidance teacher the next day what had happened and he said he would deal with it etc.

Yesterday I had a phone call from my son during class time asking if he could come home as something else a bit more serious had happened. Apparently he went into the exact same school toilets as the last week and was in a stall having a pee when he noticed a hand holding a mobile phone appear under the stall wall and he could see that it was recording. He was standing up with his pants down at his feet taking a pee and his face and willy were both obviously noticeable because of the angle of the video. My son then tried moving away and the boys hand holding the phone followed him around the stall. He then told the boy to stop it and go away which point he did.

The first thing I advised him to do was go straight to the office to report the incident to the campus policeman as it was a tad more serious than the previous weeks problem then if the school were ok he could come home afterwards. So he went off and told the campus policeman and then came home.

later that day the school called me to let me know they were taking my DS complaint seriously and looking into it. They had found a suspect and we’re gonna talk to him and his parents and decide what to do next.

Today we sent DS into school but told him we were at the other end of the phone if needed and he m he’d to last half the day then came home this afternoon after finding out from his friend that at least 3 people maybe more in his class had seen the video and they were all making dick jokes using DS’s name. I think reading that got too much for him as he called me up begging me to let him come home.

My mum is raging and ready to storm down to the actual police station right now but we decided to give the school one more day and see what they come up with. We won’t let them brush it under the carpet like they will probably try though. If they try that we will go to the police ourselves. I spent most of yesterday in tears 😭 why are some children so horrible ? My DS is very meek and quiet and peaceful. More of a geek than anything. The only thing that gets him fired up is his Xbox games. He wouldn’t harm a fly.

How would you all feel and why would be your actions if this happened to your children?

What would you do? Attempt 2 with all names removed!!
What would you do? Attempt 2 with all names removed!!
OP posts:
Snorlaxing · 29/03/2023 00:13

I'd be raging and go to the police.
Possession of an indecent video of a minor is against the law and the people who filmed and shared the video need punishing.

kensington09 · 29/03/2023 00:15

Definitely go to the police. Your poor son should not need to put up with this

Whataretheodds · 29/03/2023 00:17

Yep, go to the police. It's not for the school to decide not to report it. Others will know better than me the procedure that the school should have followed but it's remarkable that they've not updated you.

TomeTome · 29/03/2023 00:19

Tell him to stamp on any hands that ever come under the cubicle walls.

Original poster
Emmacarrie86 · 29/03/2023 00:22

My DS actually said that after he left the toilet he thought to himself he should have stomped down hard on the hand and the phone but was too busy freaking out and trying to get away from the camera at the time. The boy holding the phone actually followed him around the cubicle while he tried to escape. It’s shocking.

OP posts:
Lampshadeandchristmasbaubles · 29/03/2023 00:29

https://www.mind.org.uk/for-young-people/

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/03/2023 00:37

This is a police matter. School should have advised you to contact them already. School also needs to take action - this is sexual harassment and is covered in the Keeping Children Safe In Education document that all schools must abide by. Request an urgent meeting with the school's Designated Safeguarding Lead to discuss how they plan to keep your child safe, and insist that his absence is authorised until that is in place. You could consider asking for the children to be kept completely apart for the duration of the police investigation, and ask how the school would propose to do this.
If you are concerned that images or video have been shared online, the NSPCC has the Report Remove tool that can be used to locate and remove them.
HTH x

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/03/2023 00:44

To be clear,it's the filming and sharing of a child's genitals that is sexual harassment. The rest is plain bullying but should also be dealt with by the school's DSL.

hungryhipo · 29/03/2023 00:47

You need to go to the police yourself. Disgraceful the school haven't informed them already tbh.

Such an awful thing to happen to your son, I hope it's resolved properly.

Anotheranonymousname · 29/03/2023 01:20

Please do contact the Police about this and contact the safeguarding lead at the school in writing (email) to inform them too. Make sure both the Police and the school know the names of the students who have been circulating the images/videos too as this will make it easier for them to investigate.

If he hasn't already, get your son to write down what happened, who said what etc. so when it comes to making a statement to the Police, his words are his own and are as he remembers it.

I'm so sorry your DS is being bullied in this way. One of my DCs was assaulted at school recently and others in the class stood by, filming it instead of seeking help from an adult. The attack itself (which was unprovoked and my DC didn't fight back) was devastating for my DC but almost worse was the realisation that there was no-one in their class who was willing to get help for them. That's been really hard to overcome and was exacerbated by a class group chat with lots of the onlookers sayings my DC should be moved out of the class as everyone prefers the bully, they're the main person in the class etc. etc. The only way my DC has been able to move on from this is to take some control back by agreeing to make a formal statement to the Police. The school and Police have worked together, looked at the content of the group chat and eventually located the original video and people who filmed it. The Police confirmed the footage showed the assault exactly as my DC had described it and there have been consequences for the bully. Those involved with the videoing have also been dealt with although without the same level of official Police involvement.

It's not easy being the teenager who is brave enough to report a peer to the Police but for my DC at least, it's given them a bit of control over the narrative and taken the wind out of the bully's sails.

HalfMast · 29/03/2023 01:29

Go to the police. This is not a passive situation that you wait for the school to deal with. It’s as criminal act with long term consequences.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 29/03/2023 01:34

I'm actually quite shocked you didn't go to the police immediately, I see where he gets the meekness from. You need to find your inner rage and fight for him!

Original poster
Emmacarrie86 · 29/03/2023 02:15

The reason why I haven’t been to the police yet is that until today my DS didn’t have any idea who it was that threw the pee ball or recorded the video of him (he had suspicions but didn’t know for sure) but first thing he did yesterday was go to the campus police, who looked at the schools CCTV outside the bathroom door to see who went in and left around the time it happened.

Today the school called with a probable suspect, however the children who have seen the video etc are denying everything and we are struggling to get evidence. I am hoping that the WhatsApp convo posted n here will help and some children will do the right thing for my DS’s sake!

I am a rather meek and shy person and paid the price from primary 1 until I left school in 4th year as I was bullied from day 1 of school. I do however think we will be going to the police tomorrow to formally report it once the school have called back with what went on at the meeting between the school, the boy and his parents.

A final note is that my partner, my younger son aged 7 and my daughter aged 4 months have all been floored with a chest, throat & ear infection for the last 10 days and haven’t left the house since last Monday. Until today I didn’t really have the energy to exist let alone leave the house but from now will not let it get in the way of standing up for my child’s rights and safety. I’m hoping I haven’t let him down too much leaving it this long. Thanks for your message!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emmacarrie86 · 29/03/2023 02:20

My youngest DD has actually been suffering with bronchiolitis so has been the most ill of us all and has had breathing troubles etc over the last week. It’s not been a good week for us at all really. She the very reason I am still awake at 220am :) got to love the baby stage ehh…

OP posts:
StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 29/03/2023 02:28

The reason why I haven’t been to the police yet is that until today my DS didn’t have any idea who it was that threw the pee ball or recorded the video of him (he had suspicions but didn’t know for sure) but first thing he did yesterday was go to the campus police, who looked at the schools CCTV outside the bathroom door to see who went in and left around the time it happened.

Today the school called with a probable suspect, however the children who have seen the video etc are denying everything and we are struggling to get evidence. I am hoping that the WhatsApp convo posted n here will help and some children will do the right thing for my DS’s sake!

That's why you go to the police though. THEY investigate and gather evidence. Your DS shouldn't have to do it himself!

I hope your DD is better soon.

Autienotnautie · 29/03/2023 02:38

Go to police today this needs properly investigating. And if they find the culprit school should expel them for that. Have you considered moving schools, your son is very brave to continue going.

WandaWonder · 29/03/2023 02:40

I don't have time to read all the posts, but what does your son want?

Does he want to change schools?

irreverent · 29/03/2023 02:47

Emmacarrie86 · 29/03/2023 00:12

I don’t know what I actually want to get out of this…probably just to vent and ask for advice!!

My 15 year old son has been getting bullied lately and it has become quite serious (like police level serious). Last week a bunch of boys all took it in turns to pee on a ball of toilet roll until it was saturated and then threw it at my son and he was drenched in their urine. He obviously walked out of school after that to come home for a Shower then went off to his afternoon college class. He told his guidance teacher the next day what had happened and he said he would deal with it etc.

Yesterday I had a phone call from my son during class time asking if he could come home as something else a bit more serious had happened. Apparently he went into the exact same school toilets as the last week and was in a stall having a pee when he noticed a hand holding a mobile phone appear under the stall wall and he could see that it was recording. He was standing up with his pants down at his feet taking a pee and his face and willy were both obviously noticeable because of the angle of the video. My son then tried moving away and the boys hand holding the phone followed him around the stall. He then told the boy to stop it and go away which point he did.

The first thing I advised him to do was go straight to the office to report the incident to the campus policeman as it was a tad more serious than the previous weeks problem then if the school were ok he could come home afterwards. So he went off and told the campus policeman and then came home.

later that day the school called me to let me know they were taking my DS complaint seriously and looking into it. They had found a suspect and we’re gonna talk to him and his parents and decide what to do next.

Today we sent DS into school but told him we were at the other end of the phone if needed and he m he’d to last half the day then came home this afternoon after finding out from his friend that at least 3 people maybe more in his class had seen the video and they were all making dick jokes using DS’s name. I think reading that got too much for him as he called me up begging me to let him come home.

My mum is raging and ready to storm down to the actual police station right now but we decided to give the school one more day and see what they come up with. We won’t let them brush it under the carpet like they will probably try though. If they try that we will go to the police ourselves. I spent most of yesterday in tears 😭 why are some children so horrible ? My DS is very meek and quiet and peaceful. More of a geek than anything. The only thing that gets him fired up is his Xbox games. He wouldn’t harm a fly.

How would you all feel and why would be your actions if this happened to your children?

Anyone who has shared that video are technically guilty of sharing and possessing child pornography. The one who recorded it is guilty of producing child pornography. They can all still be charged with those offences even if they themselves are underaged. I would try to press charges, but obviously that may increase the bullying in the meantime for your son. It's terrible that's a consideration. The threat of criminal charges may be enough though, because anyone found to have been in possession of the recording could in theory be put on the sex offenders registry, and it would massively affect their future job prospects for a good 5 to 10 years.

PippaF2 · 29/03/2023 04:12

Definitely call the police.

This is an insane amount of bullying. People gathering together to pee on toilet paper to throw at him. He came home and had a shower and then went back? What?! Then filming him taking a piss?

Come on OP. That's next level shit. Kids can be cruel but 15yrs old doing this - that's not normal.

If this was my child I would be pulling them out of school. He's going to wind up getting hurt OP. You tell that school that your son is not being subjected to this type of barbaric behaviour. I'd be raging at everyone.

It's end of March now - is he in year 10 or year 11? If he's in year 10 - pull him out, find somewhere else for him to do his year 11. If he's year 11 - then you're 2-3 months off exam time - ask the teachers to provide him work/revision to do at home.

And you have these little shits charged. I'm with your Mum on this. I'm raging on your lads behalf.

Imagine....just imagine someone at work got a group of people got together to pee on toilet roll and throw it at you? Imagine a co-worker filmed you on the toilet and you were like 'let's see what HR says...' No, no you wouldn't - you'd be calling the police immediately!! There's no life lesson in this. This type of shit doesn't happen in the real world without it being a criminal offence. Why isn't your son entitled to the same level of protection the rest of us would receive if this happened to us?

Appreciate you've had a difficult week but your son is a person and this is too much for anyone. It's psychologically damaging.

You need to find your backbone luv. He's 15yrs old he's dependent on his family acting to protect him. You ain't helping spending all day crying- least of all your son, you're just giving him extra stress to deal with.

In the morning

  • call school - my child isn't coming in, he's not safe. We're calling the police. You have his teacher call me to discuss his work
  • next phone call police

You don't stop until those kids are charged and expelled.

Beaniesmumsie · 29/03/2023 04:22

Call the police, make sure these bullies face consequences for their actions, they deserve whatever is coming to them. I can’t believe the school hasn’t reported it to the police themselves. Your poor son, I would have a look at moving schools as his school seems useless at keeping him safe.

Anotheranonymousname · 29/03/2023 07:35

If leaving the house is hard because of unwell babies etc., you may well be able to submit a report online. Include the names of any definite suspects and the name of the school, the Police will then deal with it.

BigGreen · 29/03/2023 07:52

I think @PippaF2 has it right. The behaviour is so totally unacceptable - it's properly traumatising for your kid.

I would be going into school myself with a list of all recent bullying. Letting them know there's no way my kid will return until there is concrete action to ensure his safety. I'd be letting all the governors of the school know, or if it's an academy escalating it all the way up whatever executive structure there is.

Then I'd be calling the police to report child on child sexual abuse. I'd be insisting that charges are pressed on the assailant. And that the other kids phones are searched and that they are prosecuted for sharing indecent material.

Then I would be calling the local authority to see what the options are of moving school because frankly I wouldn't want my kid anywhere near such vile kids.

Lampshadeandchristmasbaubles · 29/03/2023 07:53

Don’t ask him to practice writing a report at home. Court may suggest you have influenced it . It’s a police matter let them deal with it. Some children may feel angry at the suggestion they have been assaulted or are a victim , so again seek police support before this is stated.

ReadtheReviews · 29/03/2023 09:10

Attending school is not more important than protecting his mental and physical health. The bullies havent 'won' in that case, he just never has to deal with them again. If they are still a problem in the local area I would seriously move asap. Same advice as you'd give someone with an abusive partner/partner's family. Dont go through any more of it.

DarkChocHolic · 29/03/2023 09:15

Breaks my heart to read this.
So sorry for your son OP.
Please wage the biggest fight you can on his behalf