What would you do? Attempt 2 with all names removed!!

[Emmacarrie86]

I don’t know what I actually want to get out of this…probably just to vent and ask for advice!!

My 15 year old son has been getting bullied lately and it has become quite serious (like police level serious). Last week a bunch of boys all took it in turns to pee on a ball of toilet roll until it was saturated and then threw it at my son and he was drenched in their urine. He obviously walked out of school after that to come home for a Shower then went off to his afternoon college class. He told his guidance teacher the next day what had happened and he said he would deal with it etc.

Yesterday I had a phone call from my son during class time asking if he could come home as something else a bit more serious had happened. Apparently he went into the exact same school toilets as the last week and was in a stall having a pee when he noticed a hand holding a mobile phone appear under the stall wall and he could see that it was recording. He was standing up with his pants down at his feet taking a pee and his face and willy were both obviously noticeable because of the angle of the video. My son then tried moving away and the boys hand holding the phone followed him around the stall. He then told the boy to stop it and go away which point he did.

The first thing I advised him to do was go straight to the office to report the incident to the campus policeman as it was a tad more serious than the previous weeks problem then if the school were ok he could come home afterwards. So he went off and told the campus policeman and then came home.

later that day the school called me to let me know they were taking my DS complaint seriously and looking into it. They had found a suspect and we’re gonna talk to him and his parents and decide what to do next.

Today we sent DS into school but told him we were at the other end of the phone if needed and he m he’d to last half the day then came home this afternoon after finding out from his friend that at least 3 people maybe more in his class had seen the video and they were all making dick jokes using DS’s name. I think reading that got too much for him as he called me up begging me to let him come home.

My mum is raging and ready to storm down to the actual police station right now but we decided to give the school one more day and see what they come up with. We won’t let them brush it under the carpet like they will probably try though. If they try that we will go to the police ourselves. I spent most of yesterday in tears 😭 why are some children so horrible ? My DS is very meek and quiet and peaceful. More of a geek than anything. The only thing that gets him fired up is his Xbox games. He wouldn’t harm a fly.

How would you all feel and why would be your actions if this happened to your children?

agree with all those above. I’m so sorry this is happening to him. And for you too. Lots of love to you xxx

I'm a teacher and am shocked.

Go to the police and kick up the most almighty fuss. This is illegal and the boy should be excluded as should anyone who shared the video.

Thank you @bemorelemmy there have been a few unhelpful comments but way more helpful comments luckily. I’m just ignoring the unhelpful ones as I am doing the best I can. I have 3 children’s welfares to take into consideration and am doing best by all 3 children.

we had a call back from school who confirmed the name of boy, that he also admitted to it and it had been sent to 4-5 different children’s phones at least. Maybe more. The other children involved deleted the evidence and denied to the deputy any involvement. We were also told the video was very descriptive, you could see a lot including who it was.

My son has been pulled out of school for now and the police were contacted this afternoon. The police officer agrees we totally did the right thing and it needed to be done. He says a criminal case will be launched against the boy but it’s like
y to lead to much due being quite young. However it still needs done!!

thanks for your message xox

How utterly appalling for your poor DS. Thankfully, it sounds like something is finally being done about it.

These bullies are about to land in very hot water.

Thankfully, the stereotypes about bullies being stupid and cowards are often completely true. The child who did this probably thinks he's been so clever, but growing up with a digital/online world as the norm means that this CAN all be proved.

I wonder if he would have admitted it without being informed of this - that however many lies he might tell and however many images or messages he may try to delete, they will all be fully traceable back to him and he cannot escape criminal charges.

I'd feel sorry for a teen who rashly got into a fight or did something else stupid without thinking; but what kind of an adult is he destined to become if he's already planning and doing things like this at 15? He has some extremely unpleasant and long-lasting realities coming his way - but no more than he deserves. The others who received it and didn't instantly report it aren't much better either, especially if they forwarded it on. Imagine being the headteacher of a school with all of those sex offenders on the register.

I am so sorry your son is going through this. I would be devastated, and furious. I would go to the police station myself and not give the school any more chances. They should have came down hard on the bullies after the toilet paper incident, that in itself was a serious assault.

I fully agree with PP about juxtaposing school bullying - and indeed sexual assault - with how you, as an adult, would respond if a colleague displayed the same behaviour towards you. If you would not tolerate it for a moment, why ever should a child - with much less of a voice than you - be forced to do so?

Horrendous what happened and agree that is SA. A slight air of caution to bare in mind that the children who took the footage are completely in the wrong… but children… hopefully a balance can be struck that they get a through police response and also no longer lasting conviction that is taken in to adult hood. So sorry this happened . It is heartbreaking

I don't see that you can just brush them off as 'just children' at the age of 15. That's just one year before they can legally start having sex, so they really should be in a position now where they can understand and respect consent across the spectrum and how not to sexually assault and abuse people. We aren't talking about small kids who help themselves to sweets from the shelf in the shop, because they don't really understand yet that mummy or daddy have to pay for them first. Even for his age, this is already several levels above 'standard' bullying.

The victim is also only 15, but their actions have already had a huge negative impact on his life and emotions - and who knows how long that will last?

This definitely needs a thorough police investigation - into the child who did this, his upbringing, home life, internet access and use and where he might have got ideas to do such deeply concerning things from. I think he needs a massive shock right now to halt him in his tracks and to prevent him from ending up in prison by the time he's 20.

Unless he can be properly educated in how we behave in society, I seriously fear for any partners he may go on to have. If, at his age, he is already willing to pursue and harass a clearly unwilling party in a private toilet cubicle, imagine how much pressure and coercion he could feel that he has every right to subject a girlfriend to in the next few years.

Also baring in mind that children that take part in these acts may have been highly desensitised and a victim themselves previously. I’m not disputing the seriousness of OP situation, not minimising the need for police involvement. I’m just commenting that safeguarding often takes into account the perpetrator and victim. So not to stigmatise one action /‘allow that to map out the whole future of an individual.

Police and safeguarding and for fucks sake pull your son out now

@Emmacarrie86 school's are utterly useless most of the time in dealing with bullies so in this case because a video was made AND shared of your child's penis then this is a Police matter.

The boy who did this knew he was wrong but didn't care so now make him face the consequences.

This is creating and distribution of indecent images of a minor/child and it should be taken seriously.

Call 101 and report it. The school know who the culprit is and you boy will know the names of the other children who looked at the video.

Don't let this be swept under the rug. Let the Police force a resolution.

Tell your poor son that all of this is only a blip. Once he leaves school and gets out into college or uni, things will be so different and he will look back on these awful days and it won't hurt anymore. He will have real friends and a busy life. Let him know that as serious as this all feels now, it won't last because he probably feels hopeless and scared.

school's are utterly useless most of the time in dealing with bullies

No, if you ask them, they will all tell you that they come down very hard on bullying.... it's just that, luckily, they don't experience any bullying at their school....

Well done @Emmacarrie86 for standing up for your son and challenging the bully. Do the others not realise that the video will show their level of involvement.
Glad you went to the police as very often it's the only way others learn that actions have consequences.

That line of they ‘don’t experience any bullying’ is so across the board! It’s like a school mantra!

Well done OP.

Do come back if you get chance to update us on how the matter was resolved.

I've got my fingers crossed for you that they take the harshest approach and the kid and his allies get expelled and your son can return to school in a better atmosphere.

I also hope this doesn't interfer with his exams and he can put the whole thing behind him.

Moreover, I hope the person or person(s) who did this recognise how abhorrently they've behaved. I won't hold my breath but it would be nice if they came forward with a genuine apology.

Surely being expelled is guaranteed, isn't it? Would the school really knowingly keep a proven sex offender on their roll? If they even considered it, I wouldn't care if it made me 'that' parent or not, I would take it as high as necessary to ensure that the child was expelled - board of governors, LEA, leak it (without pupils' names) to the local paper. If I were OP, my child would manifestly not be safe to remain at the school if the other child does, so who should be forced to leave: the offender or his innocent victim?

If you aren't expelled for sexual assault, what would you actually need to do? Burn the school down? Murder? Especially considering that, whether they admit experiencing it or not, all schools have a bullying policy; but I don't think they routinely have a sexual assault policy, such is the seriousness of it.

Surely the only thing in question now is how harshly the police will act - and whether or not he (and the sharers) is/are prosecuted and/or put on the sex offenders register? And also whether action is taken against the parents. I would also expect Social Services to become involved here.

Your poor boy I'm really upset on his behalf because I'm thinking of it happened to my boy how I would feel.
Are you in the uk? I've never heard of campus police at school- do they do much?
I hope you get him sorted. I don't think I would be considering letting him go back there unless he had a good circle of reliable friends. If that's the case I would be telling him to stick with at least one of them at all times.