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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Phones in bedrooms overnight?

89 replies

FTstepmum · 08/03/2023 08:26

Do you let your tweens and teenagers have their phones or gadgets in their bedrooms overnight?

We take our children's away between 8pm and 9.30pm, but our eldest girl (15) is upset about it, she wants to text her friends etc.

The battle for screens in our house rages on...

OP posts:
Jota67 · 08/03/2023 08:27

Yes. At 15 they need to learn how to self regulate

horseymum · 08/03/2023 08:36

No, no phones or gadgets in rooms overnight. They need a break.

polkapolkadot · 08/03/2023 08:37

We have the same battle. Phones off at 10, yet every night there are the same screen requests and the same arguments (DD13).

Absolutely zero common sense or acceptance that this is happening, despite many long conversations about it.

Absolute bane of my life 😩

HedwigIsMyDemon · 08/03/2023 08:39

@Jota67 do they? Why? I didn’t have to self regulate my phone use at 15. I struggle to do it in my 50s.

A no phones after 10pm is fine for a 15 yr old.

carriedout · 08/03/2023 08:40

No. It is really unhealthy. The 'self-regulation' thing is bollocks.

LadyDanburysHat · 08/03/2023 08:43

Mine currently do. But I'm about to start taking my 15 year olds away. He can't self regulate. I had to wake him this morning 5 mins before the school bus was due and that is becoming too regular. He has exams this year. If he won't self regulate, I'm afraid I'm taking over.

TooManyPax · 08/03/2023 08:46

No phone overnight as they are meant to be sleeping so why would they need a phone? They have FOMO at this age, when Ds woke to around 30 messages he had missed between friends some at 3am they weren't actually conveying anything important, half of it was just proving you were awake at 3am. Luckily for us he was fine with saying his parents take his phone because they care about his sleep quality.

Sadly teens will get pissy at boundaries. I told my children that I loved them enough to make them upset about things rather than give in. Mine are 20 and 17 now but I am sure there are studies that show a link between screens, sleep and depression.

TheOrigRights · 08/03/2023 09:00

Nearly 14 yo DS. No phone in bedroom overnight. Not yet. He still needs me to make and enforce the rules.

purplediscolove · 08/03/2023 09:02

My mum never did this to me but my step dad and his parents did 9pm everything off 9pm curfew, however it really irks me that they have my brother now who 1. Doesn’t stay at his grandparents house ever 2. His dad doesn’t implement anything other than a time to be home by. 😂😂 I don’t think i would take them away when my daughters old enough I think I’d just set a bedtime and encourage that and be reasonable.

lailamaria · 08/03/2023 13:50

at 15 i would let her have it overnight as a trial period, let her no it's a trial period and then see how it goes, if she gets up in the morning no problems then i'd let her, in our house the phone becomes there's at 16 anyway though most of mumsnet might say that's irresponsible parenting

Libre2 · 08/03/2023 13:52

DS (14) has to for his blood glucose management which I HATE but we have recently discovered that it can go in the office next door and the bluetooth will pick it up. In fairness to him, he was always pretty OK about it anyway and never used it and always was adamant it was on Do Not Disturb. DD (12) has hers charging downstairs overnight. Before we had to monitor DS overnight, we also had ours downstairs but sadly we need them now.

I think over-tiredness is a real thing in teens (and toddlers!).

AndAway · 08/03/2023 13:56

Not allowed phone in his room on school nights. Puts it in our room to charge when he goes to bed. He's allowed it on weekend nights or during the holidays. That's our compromise. 14 year old.

sotired2 · 08/03/2023 13:59

I think from around 15 they need to start to learn to self regulate things like this as 3 years and they could be away at Uni and you wont be there to take the phone off them and they wont have learnt to put it down.

My DC know they can keep their phones but are to be up and getting selves sorted int he day or its a privilege they will loose.

Beamur · 08/03/2023 14:00

AndAway · 08/03/2023 13:56

Not allowed phone in his room on school nights. Puts it in our room to charge when he goes to bed. He's allowed it on weekend nights or during the holidays. That's our compromise. 14 year old.

This is a sensible compromise.
DD charges her phone overnight in the room adjacent to her bedroom. Alarm is still loud enough to hear and she agrees it eats into her sleep if she has it in her room.

DelilahBucket · 08/03/2023 14:03

DS15 brings all devices downstairs at 10pm on school nights, later on weekends. He doesn't have to go to sleep at that time but his option is reading if he wants something to do. This is non-negotiable. He's much better for it. He was really argumentative and stroppy (normal for some teens but not him) last week and then we found he had his Switch in his bed. Since it being brought downstairs his attitude is completely different, no arguments at all. He needs wind down time and a regular sleep routine, all kids do, including teens. Being allowed on devices half the night is bad for them and it's bad for the household when everyone is falling out.

MintJulia · 08/03/2023 14:05

No, they are all left downstairs, including mine.
Ds would play games until 3am if allowed.

Abouttimemum · 08/03/2023 14:07

My sister made both my nephews leave theirs downstairs with hers when they were teens with minimal fuss.

I leave mine downstairs. It’s important to have good sleep hygiene.

Marymary987 · 08/03/2023 14:10

Yes they do and they’ve always been pretty good about turning it off and sleeping at a normal time. If they started to mess around on it then I’d remove them.

IsoscelesKramer · 08/03/2023 14:15

sotired2 · 08/03/2023 13:59

I think from around 15 they need to start to learn to self regulate things like this as 3 years and they could be away at Uni and you wont be there to take the phone off them and they wont have learnt to put it down.

My DC know they can keep their phones but are to be up and getting selves sorted int he day or its a privilege they will loose.

I think though there's also an argument that getting them used to time away from the phone is a key first step if they're ever going to self-regulate.

You could equally say that letting them have it overnight from 15 gives them 3 more years to really entrench the idea that their phone has to be within reach at all times and deepen the addiction and need to give in to FOMO.

You don't cut back on cigarettes by stacking cartons of JPS by your bed.

JamPearl · 08/03/2023 14:22

None overnight. 16 and 12. It's always been the way. Certainly not going to relax it coming up to gcse season

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 08/03/2023 14:31

Phone downstairs no negotiation.

She's 15, a summer baby and at times (friendship drama etc) very much acts it.

So we'll be sticking with the above for the time being.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 08/03/2023 14:34

Actually she's still 14 Grin

cornflakegeneration · 08/03/2023 14:40

No.

IME most kids of this age wont self regulate.

My nephew is allowed free will at this age and he is apparently up until who knows what hour. Struggles to get up for school and sleeps in til 2-3pm on a weekend.

cornflakegeneration · 08/03/2023 14:43

You don't cut back on cigarettes by stacking cartons of JPS by your bed.

This

TheMousePipes · 08/03/2023 14:48

Nope. Phone off downstairs from 8 till 8. Dd is 13.

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