Phones in bedrooms overnight?

[FTstepmum]

Do you let your tweens and teenagers have their phones or gadgets in their bedrooms overnight?

We take our children's away between 8pm and 9.30pm, but our eldest girl (15) is upset about it, she wants to text her friends etc.

The battle for screens in our house rages on...

OP - see if you can still get the "I am.." episode with Kate Winslet and her daughter on catch up. Shows very clearly imo what can happen if you let teens have free reign with their phones.

@sotired2 your username is ironic! They don’t need 3 years to self regulate 😄. That argument might stack up 3 MONTHS before they go to uni, not 3 years!

Mine is 14 and yes he keeps his in his bedroom, I think he stays on it for a bit after going to bed then puts it on silent and goes to sleep. He also uses it for his alarm. He's always been quite good at not taking the piss, not sure my 9 year old is going to be the same!

Never took my kids phones away but they didn't get smartphones until 14 (they are young adults now)

No way. Phone charging downstairs overnight, even at the weekend.

I find it hard to regulate my phone use so it’s too big an ask for my 15 year old. Also the stakes are high given the physical and mental health issues around getting enough sleep.

I have 3 children; 16, 14, 11

i learnt when they were little that the kids who were restricted or denied treats went bonkers at the parties for Haribo, and the kids that had access to treats all day also went bonkers for the Haribo. At least if I regulated it somewhat they were eating less Haribo by default.

similarly, I was allowed wine with Sunday lunch as a teen and babycham on special occasions, and had friends who had strict parents who never drank. We all sneaked off and drank in the park, and I am now the only one who doesn’t drink as I have a bad relationship with alcohol.

kids and teens don’t self-regulate. Mine all have to leave theirs downstairs and are off them way before bed. They won’t prioritise their sleep and well being so I still will as long as I am responsible for them.

Most of the adults I know haven't learned to self-regulate use of a smart phone so I don't see how a 15 year stands much of a chance...

The “learn to self regulate” is bollocks. You don’t give a teenager cigarettes and say they should just learn to self regulate.

screens are addictive and damaging. Yes I have one and yes I’m addicted. Screens removed for bedtime in this house. It’s responsible parenting.

Personal experience is that I'm not sure it matters.
4 teens, 2 have them in their rooms. They study, have little jobs, friends. Happy young people. No issues other than normal teenage gripes.
The other 2 never had them in their rooms. and have restricted access. They struggle with every aspect of life, no friends, lazy. Struggle to get motivated and lack any initiative with things. One teen had engaged in risky behaviour online because when they do get their gadgets they are desperate and behave much younger than they are. They don't know how to regulate the time they are on it because every precious second could be the last. When they are taken away again for the night or to do other things like go out frequent tears, screaming. They deceptive around their devices and lie about not having them or having lost them at school.
For me there's no right other than what's right for you, your teen and your family. But it's a worry

They did not have phones in their rooms at night until after they had done their GCSE’s.

OP are you taking your 15yo’s phone off her earlier than her bedtime? A good compromise is surely that she can have it until whenever you deem bedtime to be then it’s left to charge downstairs. That seems to be a common approach with PP’s and it’s what I do with my 15yo.

It sounds ridiculous but me and DH go to bed at 9.30pm, so we don't want to hang around until 10pm.

Maybe we could compromise...

I lament the hold that screens have on their lives (and ours, if I'm really honest)

They make life stressful and I resent them.

Taken away at 9.30 to charge downstairs .. they tend to read for a bit and lights out at 10

Mine 11, 14 both have their phones with them the whole time. They put them on charge next to their bed when they go to sleep the same as I do.

I agree with this.

My dd does on advice from psych but she is neuro divergent so it stops intrusive thoughts and actually makes her sleepy.

Reading my phone sends me off to sleep too if use night mode.

It only seems to be on mumsnet that this happens. I don't know anyone in real life that does, ok it is a small sample size of about 20 but still.

We use Google Family Link
It disables their phones between 9.30pm and 7am, so I don't have to keep track of which room they are in.

At 15 I would let them have their phones over night. Taking a phone off a 15 year old at 9.30 is too controlling.

Nobody in our house takes their phone to their room at night, including parents.

Mine are nearly 18, nearly 16 and nearly 13 and I've "reminded" them on occasion but they all agree that phones in rooms are bad for sleep and are scathing about classmates who text in group chat at 2am (and many do).

I work with teens and know that some consistently fail to sleep through the night due to the lure of mobiles in their rooms and don't learn to self regulate - we all know adults who can't...

All in all forming the lifelong habit of leaving mobile devices in the living room when you go to bed beats the rather tenuous arguments that only by having a mobile within reach 24/7/364 as a teenager will anyone learn to self regulate...

I really wish phones today were still like they were when I was young. I'm mid 30s, my first phone was something like a Nokia brick when I was about 12. All I could do on it was play snake, make calls and send texts.

And texts and calls wouldn't exactly last long because £5 credit would last 5 mins.

If my kids had phones like that I'd be a lot less concerned about them having free reign. My mum never took my phone away but my phones as a teenager were very different to phones today.

I trialled allowing Friday and Saturday nights before allowing all night access.

That what happens?

No no no !!!!

Never took m kids phones away, They use them as alarms to get up. They soon learned that if they are on the phone all night they feel horrible the next day. Treat teens like babies , that's the way they will act!

Mine are 11 and nearly 14, phones absolutely downstairs at night and that’s normal for my friendship group. 11 year old has only just got a phone and doesn’t use it much (yet…) My eldest has Inattentive ADHD and the last thing he needs is screen time at night.