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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Phones in bedrooms overnight?

89 replies

FTstepmum · 08/03/2023 08:26

Do you let your tweens and teenagers have their phones or gadgets in their bedrooms overnight?

We take our children's away between 8pm and 9.30pm, but our eldest girl (15) is upset about it, she wants to text her friends etc.

The battle for screens in our house rages on...

OP posts:
Paperexcelandpens · 08/03/2023 22:18

Ds 13 has always has his phone in his room overnight. He's a stickler for rules though and never turns it on. I can check on the app.

dfkdfc · 08/03/2023 22:22

We don't take our phones up, let alone the DC. All phones stay downstairs charging overnight here

spelunky · 08/03/2023 22:25

Expecting teens to simply learn to self regulate when the majority of adults can't is completely unreasonable.

Most teens need a parental restriction up to about 16 yrs.

Some who are particularly mature/ sensible might not need this, but most do.

CeliaNorth · 08/03/2023 22:32

Surely the issue is not just how much time they spend on their phones when they should be sleeping, but what they're looking at? There have been a couple of tragic cases where it was found the young person was awake in the early hours browsing sites on suicide or other harmful or dangerous subjects.

Franticbutterfly · 08/03/2023 23:31

Not any more since DD14 was groomed online.

cornflakegeneration · 09/03/2023 07:49

Franticbutterfly · 08/03/2023 23:31

Not any more since DD14 was groomed online.

This also happened to a relative of mine

Stompythedinosaur · 09/03/2023 10:57

No, I don't limit their access to screens. Clearly some pps think that self-regulation is "bollocks" but it works fine for us. I guess it depends on what your dc are like.

Dacadactyl · 09/03/2023 11:02

No, you should take them off them overnight imo.

They learn to self regulate if you put boundaries in place when they're younger. So, DD currently is 16. Never been allowed phone or laptop or TV in her room.

She uses the phone perhaps 2 hours a day and that's mainly on bus to and from school. Obviously some days she has heavier phone use than others, but on the whole she is (and never has been) glued to a screen.

ThisIsWednesday · 09/03/2023 11:03

I let mine (11, 13 and 16) but they're really good. They get off them to go to sleep and know if they use them when they should be sleeping, they'll lose them. But all kids are different and they need different rules. My DS for example LOVES Fortnight but will switch it off instantly mid game if I ask him to (though I'm not evil, I'll normally say finish this round then turn it off) yet my friends with kids the same age get into huge fights with their kids about it.

ThisIsWednesday · 09/03/2023 11:08

Stompythedinosaur · 09/03/2023 10:57

No, I don't limit their access to screens. Clearly some pps think that self-regulation is "bollocks" but it works fine for us. I guess it depends on what your dc are like.

I'm almost ashamed to say that my DD16 had had better self regulation from 11 years old than I do as an adult! She gets herself up (using her phone alarm) every single day and has never been late for school and even gets her siblings up if she notices I've not woken them yet.

WandaWonder · 09/03/2023 11:13

Our child complains the ipad beeps notifications so it stays in the kitchen by choice, never interested in the mobile so lives in the school bag

moonpixel · 09/03/2023 11:20

I never took their phones away at night. I realise I am in the minority on mumsnet but among their peers it was absolutely normal.

As a side issue leaving phones on charge overnight is said to be bad for overall battery life and a fire hazard.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 09/03/2023 11:25

carriedout · 08/03/2023 08:40

No. It is really unhealthy. The 'self-regulation' thing is bollocks.

🙄 well they are teenagers not toddlers

Believeitornot · 09/03/2023 11:27

Yes phones in rooms but I shut them down early on a school night, later on the weekend.

melonfruit · 09/03/2023 11:28

Nope, for DSD12 phone is downstairs charging at 8pm on a school night and 9/9:30pm on a weekend (depending on what we're doing, if we do stuff with friends/family at the weekend and we're all up later we let her keep it until bedtime but it always stays downstairs when sleeping).

DSD is terrible in that she will literally just sit on it for hours and hours and not stop. If she had it upstairs she would never get out of bed in the mornings! She is allowed it overnight at her Mum's and we can see on Whatsapp that she'll regularly be using it at 2/3am on a school night (and funnily enough comes back to us like a zombie and a billion times moodier).

It's a trust & trial and error thing, for example we recently let her have it until later on a school night but she didn't do her homework, got detention and her behaviour worsened all round - as soon as we went back to the 8pm school night rule her behaviour improved. DSD doesn't actually mind and loves her sleep and knows we do it in her best interest, she regularly sleeps a good 10 or 11 hours the first night she comes to us and still has to be woken up.

Her messages and group chats seem to go on forever and at all hours!!

Lastnamedidntstick · 09/03/2023 11:32

Yes, but all social media apps are set to shut down between 10 and 7.

so they can watch Netflix, do homework etc if they aren’t tired, but takes the “demand” of the phone away.

Allmarbleslost · 09/03/2023 11:36

My 13 year old has to leave hers downstairs (she would be on it all night otherwise) The 15 year old has hers and is very sensible with it. She sets multiple alarms for the morning and needs it for this.

celticprincess · 09/03/2023 12:42

DD10 and DD13. Both have devices taken away at 8:30. Charged downstairs. They do have a tv and Alexa in their rooms permanently but don’t often watch tvs and use Alexa for morning alarms mostly.

I have noticed though that the amount of messages that come through on both phones after that time and even as late as midnight is ridiculous!! Especially from the 10 year old.

Apparently I’m a mean parent for such an early deadline. But teen needs her she’ll more than the 10 year old.

And to PP who suggests if we keep taking phones off then they won’t learn to self regulate when they’re older. Mine actively come down at 8:30 to hand theirs over so there is self regulation there. Or occasionally they leave it outside their door or in the end of their bed. I often go up before 9 to retrieve any phones not already on charge and usually they’re already left somewhere.

we have more of an issue over what time is bed time. 8:30 for a teen is very early but she can’t actually cope with it later - autistic and prone to meltdowns when she gets over tired. We tried 9pm for a whole week and it was awful. But she does go on and on about when friends ask what time they go to be how she’s embarrassed to tell them (I’ve tried suggesting she either doesn’t or just tells them a later time to get them off her back but she won’t tell lies).

MrsDrSpencerReid · 09/03/2023 22:06

DD16 has always had hers in her room on the advice of her psychologist, she went through a rough period and they said she needed to be able to access helplines if she needed to without having to come and ask for her phone.

Shes never had a problem with having it, always gets herself up for school/work/hobby etc. and uses it to listen to music and asmr at night to help with the anxiety.

DS13 doesn’t give two hoots about his phone, doesn’t know where it is half the time so I usually make sure it’s plugged in in the lounge room overnight!

dizzygirl1 · 09/03/2023 22:12

Phones out of bedrooms before bed. 16 year old (Yr 11) is allowed it over weekend Fri and Sat night.
But important it's out personally

aslkde · 09/03/2023 22:31

All Phones charged in my room overnight.

Starred7 · 09/03/2023 22:35

Never restricted access. They’ve survived. 16&18.

HedwigIsMyDemon · 09/03/2023 22:47

@KalvinPhillipsBoots yes, teenagers, utterly famous for their incredible ability to self regulate 🙄.

Libre2 · 10/03/2023 09:07

HedwigIsMyDemon · 09/03/2023 22:47

@KalvinPhillipsBoots yes, teenagers, utterly famous for their incredible ability to self regulate 🙄.

Yes, mine didn't read the manual apparently.

BCBird · 10/03/2023 09:10

Stand firm. Unfortunately many people fund it hard to self regulate. I teach in s secondary school and have noticed worryingly how many pupils are exhausted. This is undoubtedly,for many, due to them being distracted by something- their devices