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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old and weed

64 replies

Mumofteens4892 · 05/03/2023 16:48

We just found out our 13 year old has been smoking weed with his friends - for quite a long time.

We have a good relationship, very few arguments, and he's been honest with us about what has been happening. He's always home on time, he keeps in touch when he's out, he willingly shares his phone location, he keeps up with his homework and is rarely in trouble at school.

How worried should I be? I'm reluctant to ground/punish him, because I think this might just discourage him from sharing things with us in the future, or asking for help. We've talked about the dangers, and he has promised he won't try anything else.

All tips / experiences gratefully received!

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/03/2023 16:57

I would be very concerned. Weed can have a really damaging effect on mental health. DD knows a few kids who use it, and none of them are happy. Hard to say whether that's cause or effect, but either way, I think you have a problem.

Plus of course, it's illegal. That's not OK. There are different views on whether or not it might be a gateway to other drugs, I'm not sure what the evidence shows.

I am not a fan of punishment so I agree with not punishing him as such, but I would be very concerned and I would want to take steps to keep him safe. Hard to say what that might look like as it would depend on when he was taking it, where he was getting it from etc. He would certainly know that I was concerned and I would be sharing lots of info with him around the impact of weed on mental health etc.

JussathoB · 05/03/2023 16:58

If he keeps on using weed, the keeping up with homework will soon end. Cannabis causes lack of motivation and is the last thing a young teenager needs, regular use over a time period of months/years will severely damage his chances of gaining his potential. There is also an increased risk of developing schizophrenia, which is a lifelong condition. There is a risk of the use of cannabis developing into use of other drugs/harmful substances and risk of involving dealing and criminality.
Pleade speak calmly to your dc about the dangers and insist that he stops using cannabis. Look at his lifestyle and think about what steps can be taken to keep him safe and to help him develop a healthy and interesting life appropriate for his age.

JussathoB · 05/03/2023 16:59

How come you didn’t notice if this has been going on for some time? Where is he getting it from and how does he afford it?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/03/2023 17:01

I'm also surprised that you didn't notice earlier... the smell is usually a massive giveaway!

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 05/03/2023 17:01

He has promised he won't try anything else

While he may be telling the truth, I'd be stunned if he was and you are naive to believe him. If he's been smoking it "for a long time" at his age, he will continue to do so.
I would absolutely be grounding him. He is THIRTEEN.

Beginningless · 05/03/2023 17:01

I am very relaxed about weed in general but I’d be worried about its use at 13. I agree it’s good that he’s told you and I don’t know if punishment is the answer but I’d want this curtailed. Who does he get it from?

MrsJessePinkmann · 05/03/2023 17:02

How have you only just found this out?

Did you not notice him coming home stoned?

Emelene · 05/03/2023 17:02

I’d be really worried about the risk of developing psychosis.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:03

you need to come down on this like a ton of bricks

He is wrecking his brain, his intelligence, his potential, his educational outcomes

100% he is grounded and for the foreseeable future

he is in contact with criminals and people traffickers and slave traders, he may already be on their radar as someone with potential to be used and manipulated

Tell the school including names of everyone else involved

tell the police

Original poster
Mumofteens4892 · 05/03/2023 17:05

Thread is useful already - thank you! Think we need a follow-up conversation about where/who he gets it from, how often, and what next?

I have never seen him looking "stoned" and have never found any in his room, or smelt it in his room / on his clothes. My feeling is that it is a few puffs in the park, and not very often. I also know a good deal about county lines and am very vigilant about the signs - of which there are none.

But .. my big fear is that it could be the start of something, and that it has to stop. Just...how?!

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:07

he is grounded, indefinitely.

how is a 13 year old hanging around in a park anyway?

i am concerned that you think "this could be the start of something" no! something terrible started a long time ago!

UpUpAndAwol · 05/03/2023 17:07

From personal experience it’s an awful drug to habitually take. Absolutely robs people of their potential and best years of their lives. Even if it doesn’t lead to other drugs I think it’s hugely damaging.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:08

His brain is likely to already be damaged, and his IQ will be lower than it was

Choconut · 05/03/2023 17:11

Wow if he's smoking weed at 13 what's he going to be doing at 17? I'd be horrified if ds was smoking cigarettes or vaping at that age let alone smoking dope. If he's already been smoking this for a long time at what age did he start? Where and when is he smoking it? Who's buying it and where are they getting it from? Who are these friends who think this is normal at 13? How did you not know?

It's not much use to have a child always come and tell you what they're doing and you don't do anything because you don't want them to stop talking to you. Where does that end? How bad do the things they're doing have to get before you do something? Sometimes you have to put in boundaries and say this isn't ok. Are you not concerned about county lines, what he's going to try next what else these dodgy friends might get him into?Aren't you worried about psychosis?

He says he won't try anything else but why exactly did he try this in the first place? There's only one reason - because all his friends were - and guess what he'll be doing when they all move on to the next thing - he'll be right along with them. There's absolutely no point trusting him to tell you if he does anything else or believing him when he says he won't as he's already lied by omission for ages about this. I think you're being extremely naive here. How exactly did you find out?

To be honest at this age I be moving house and school. That's how seriously I'd be taking this.

LongWhiteCar · 05/03/2023 17:14

Sorry, I can’t post a link but please Google Talk to Frank for advice.
13 is far too young to be dabbling in drugs and drug induced psychosis in teenage boys is horrendous.
Keep the lines of communication open but this is not the time to be the ‘cool’ or laissez faire parent.

Choconut · 05/03/2023 17:15

Didn't see your update. This is why I'm always unimpressed by threads on MN saying that teenagers need to be hanging around parks in the evening for their independence. Well if independence means drinking, drugs and underage sex then yep hanging round in parks is the best place to learn.

Stop letting him hang around in parks at night, I was never allowed to, I would never let my ds, nothing good ever happens there.

Ooompaloopa · 05/03/2023 17:16

What does he do with his time? Does he have hobbies / sports / clubs? Can you up this so that he has less time to be hanging out with the wrong crowd?

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:17

Choconut · 05/03/2023 17:11

Wow if he's smoking weed at 13 what's he going to be doing at 17? I'd be horrified if ds was smoking cigarettes or vaping at that age let alone smoking dope. If he's already been smoking this for a long time at what age did he start? Where and when is he smoking it? Who's buying it and where are they getting it from? Who are these friends who think this is normal at 13? How did you not know?

It's not much use to have a child always come and tell you what they're doing and you don't do anything because you don't want them to stop talking to you. Where does that end? How bad do the things they're doing have to get before you do something? Sometimes you have to put in boundaries and say this isn't ok. Are you not concerned about county lines, what he's going to try next what else these dodgy friends might get him into?Aren't you worried about psychosis?

He says he won't try anything else but why exactly did he try this in the first place? There's only one reason - because all his friends were - and guess what he'll be doing when they all move on to the next thing - he'll be right along with them. There's absolutely no point trusting him to tell you if he does anything else or believing him when he says he won't as he's already lied by omission for ages about this. I think you're being extremely naive here. How exactly did you find out?

To be honest at this age I be moving house and school. That's how seriously I'd be taking this.

yes, I was actually thinking along those lines, because this is a 13 year old who will now have to navigate the next 5 years attempting to concentrate on his education while being known and of interest to local criminals and people traffickers.

Cannabis is the worst industry in the country for people trafficking and child slavery

I would say, if you can easily move areas, and change schools, then do it

Original poster
Mumofteens4892 · 05/03/2023 17:21

He's not in parks at night.... only daylight hours, and he's always home on time.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 05/03/2023 17:29

This is very young. Ds1 never even tried it till much much later. I'd be talking seriously to him, banning him from most things. Plus who are his friends. Clearly not suitable ones, so I'd be talking to HoY about trying to change that.

bagelbagelbagel · 05/03/2023 17:32

Ffs you don't want to ground your child because you want to 'keep the relationship' with him. You mean keep him sweet? This isn't one of those times, OP.

I'm not even particularly anti weed but thirteen is WAY too young. He would be grounded indefinitely here, and kept close tabs on in future until he had proved himself.

Peachypips78 · 05/03/2023 17:32

I can't reiterate enough how much you need to stop this- I work in mental health crisis care and a large proportion of my patients with long-term psychosis have smoked weed as teens. It is not good at all for the developing brain.

JaffaMCCakey · 05/03/2023 17:34

Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 17:08

His brain is likely to already be damaged, and his IQ will be lower than it was

What a horrible and unhelpful comment to make

AviMav · 05/03/2023 17:37

How long is quote a long time? Where are the kids getting money for weed?

StaringAtTheWater · 05/03/2023 17:37

I would be coming down on this like a ton of bricks.

My brother started smoking weed with friends when he was 12. He's now a full blown heroin & crack addict & a diagnosed schizophrenic.