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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD 13 has come home with a belly button piercing. Her friend did it on a sleepover!!!

142 replies

PatButchersEarring · 19/02/2023 20:46

I have posted in the support for teenagers thread in this topic re issues we are having with DD.

But this evening, I think I am speechless. She's come home from a friend's where she's had a lovely time for the afternoon. She was wearing a crop top and I looked down- she's had her belly button pierced!!

When asked, she has said that a friend of hers did it (not the one she was with today) a couple of weeks ago on a sleepover. DD is 13, friend is 14.

Piercing looks sore, but not infected as such. I will be taking her to the doctor tomorrow.

I've also called the Dad of the girl in question..he was unaware of what she was doing..although he had bought her the piercing needles, apparently. Long story with this girl and her Dad- she's parented with a very light touch imo. Anyway, thankfully they are moving away very soon, so I'm hoping there will be a natural end to this friendship..but in the interim, DD is livid with me and says I have ruined her friendship by calling this girl's Dad....but I feel he needed to know.

Take me back to the toddler years, please!!

OP posts:
ConfusedNT · 19/02/2023 22:23

If you think it might be infected do not take the piercing out, what can happen then is the wound will heal over sealing the piercing inside

I would be tempted to book a consolution at a proper piercing clinic first of all. They can check it for signs of infection and remove it if there isn't one.

Also they can probably explain the dangers of home piercing, and might be taken more seriously because they are a piercer and not a doctor or a parent, from a teenagers perspective they are probably more worth listening too

Also if the piercing it too shallow or angled wrong or wonky they can also explain why its more likely to reject and cause loads of issues etc

Me and my sister tried to pierce our belly buttons using sewing needles and bowls of ice cream to numb out stomach at this age. If the piercing needles were sealed and only used singly then this is probably far more hygienic!

Original poster
PatButchersEarring · 19/02/2023 22:25

Princessdebthe1st · 19/02/2023 21:59

As a nurse and someone whose previous role used to include investigating injuries that could lead to exposure to blood borne viruses (HIV, Hep B & C) I would take this seriously and take her to the GP for assessment, it is absolutely NOT wasting the GPs time. The girl who did the piercing may have used ‘proper’ piercing needles but why, if she was reckless enough to do this, would you think for a second that the needles had not been used on more than one person and why would you imagine she had the knowledge or care to sterilise them properly between uses?

Thank you. I will definitely call the doctor tomorrow.

For all that are saying if she wants it done that badly etc....she has never mentioned belly button piercing before. Septum, yes, and we had agreed to taking her to a professional when she turns 14 for that if she still wants it, so we're not illiberal. I was hoping that being open to discussion on this sort of thing would discourage trying to do these sort of things herself/with friends...but clearly not, sadly.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 19/02/2023 22:25

I think you’ve made the right decision taking her to the doctors to get checked over.
As you have rightly said, it is both girls to blame here. Your daughter could have said no, the fact she’s annoyed with you shows she wanted it and doesn’t want to fall out with this other girl. I couldn’t blame the father for his “light parenting” as it has taken you two weeks to spot this. I know she’s a teenager and wouldn’t necessarily show you her stomach lately but did she go out in a crop top or only just come home in one?

LadyChatterlysLover · 19/02/2023 22:26

I did mine myself at 13 as well, with an old brooch, a lighter and a small hoop earring from Elizabeth Duke. Be thankful it was a proper needle! Also be thankful she didn't do what my mate did and sneak off to get a real tattoo when on holiday with her parents and a friend in Spain at 14 years old.

It's teenage stuff. It's a piercing. It won't kill her. Won't get in the way of her schoolwork. Won't get her pregnant. In terms of rebellion, it's fairly mild.

PuddlesPityParty · 19/02/2023 22:29

I really doubt you’d get anything from a doctor 😂 my belly button is pierced and got infected when I first got it. I just used hot salt water and if cleared up fine - had it for many years now and causes no issues.

backoftheplane · 19/02/2023 22:30

I got mine done at 16 - took it out at 28 thinking the hole would close up and ten years later I still have a really unsightly hole in my belly… I do wish I’d known that would happen before getting it done!

Original poster
PatButchersEarring · 19/02/2023 22:31

LizzyBennett · 19/02/2023 22:21

I discovered a tattoo on DD when she was 16. I demanded to know where she'd had it done. Said that she'd need testing for hep - if they would tattoo her underage then what other corners would they cut.

She told me, rather patronizingly, that she wasn't stupid. It was definitely clean - her friend had done it in his living room with the gun he bought on Amazon 😡 He needed the practice apparently so she'd volunteered. And his living room didn't look at all untidy.

She was a bit older than your daughter, so I couldn't blame anyone but her. But I was angry about it. Mostly because it was such a stupid decision.

She's older now and we can laugh about it (it's visible but fairly discreet. It's also terrible) but if she'd done something similar at 13 I'm not sure I'd react any different to you. The dad needed to be told - he needs to up his parenting

Thank you. Yes- I agree he needs to up his parenting.
There have been other issues too with this family (he ran a pub and was clearly employing underage bar staff, for example.)..but they are upping sticks and moving (again) by the looks of things and to be honest, I'm relieved.

OP posts:
Original poster
PatButchersEarring · 19/02/2023 22:36

Hiddenvoice · 19/02/2023 22:25

I think you’ve made the right decision taking her to the doctors to get checked over.
As you have rightly said, it is both girls to blame here. Your daughter could have said no, the fact she’s annoyed with you shows she wanted it and doesn’t want to fall out with this other girl. I couldn’t blame the father for his “light parenting” as it has taken you two weeks to spot this. I know she’s a teenager and wouldn’t necessarily show you her stomach lately but did she go out in a crop top or only just come home in one?

She was wearing a jacket over her top when she went out, so I didn't see.

But generally, if I'm the responsible adult at a sleepover we're hosting, I have a vague idea as to what the kids attending are up to. I'm not saying that this couldn't happen on my watch, but I'd want to know if it did!

OP posts:
Princessdebthe1st · 19/02/2023 22:46

Woodendonkey · 19/02/2023 22:14

HIV has never gone away and unfortunately the new generation has apparently become very complacent about it because they think it is easily 'cured'.

@Needmorelego well it is.

@Woodendonkey I may be misinterpreting your post and if so my apologies, but are you seriously saying you think HIV can be cured?!!

There is no cure for HIV. There is lifelong treatment which can be very successful in controlling the infection but like any medication it can have side effects. Living with HIV can also have significant psychological and unfortunately social effects. Treatment has radically improved over the last decade but HIV is a very serious diagnosis that is best avoided.

Siriusmuggle · 19/02/2023 22:48

I’d take her to a proper (ideally UKAPP) piercing studio to get it assessed. No point trying to heal it if it’s done so badly it’s not viable and they can advise if it’s infected or just irritated.

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 22:51

I’d be way way more concerned than most of you if my child came home pierced anywhere from a sleepover😱. I have no idea what I’d do but Dr and safeguarding lead at school or police would be my response. Seriously I’m surprised how relaxed you all are.

ConfusedNT · 19/02/2023 22:56

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 22:51

I’d be way way more concerned than most of you if my child came home pierced anywhere from a sleepover😱. I have no idea what I’d do but Dr and safeguarding lead at school or police would be my response. Seriously I’m surprised how relaxed you all are.

What do you expect the police to do about some teenagers messing around piercing themselves?

Shrubb157 · 19/02/2023 23:03

I’d take her to a reputable piercing place, they’d be able to explain safe practice to her and at least she’d think about doing it again. If it looks sore I also don’t see the issue with you taking her to the doctors? Especially when you can’t be sure it was done hygienically.

Don’t take it out to heal though. I’ve always been advised to leave the piercing in, lots of hot/salt water and seek advice if it seems to be getting infected. If you take it out it could close over with an infection trapped inside.

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 23:06

@ConfusedNT What do you expect the police to do about some teenagers messing around piercing themselves?, I’d expect them to take one child doing that to another very seriously. I would assume they’d caution her.

Scutterbug · 19/02/2023 23:06

My DD (18) just had hers done about 6 weeks ago. It was done properly but has been sore for quite a long time since so I think that bit is quite normal.

ConfusedNT · 19/02/2023 23:13

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 23:06

@ConfusedNT What do you expect the police to do about some teenagers messing around piercing themselves?, I’d expect them to take one child doing that to another very seriously. I would assume they’d caution her.

Caution her 🙄

Honestly 13 and 14 year old could be getting into way worse stuff than this, if this is as bad as the rebellion gets then it's nothing

Honestly a trip to a piercer to have it looked over, removed if not infected, and a lecture from them about all the things that could go wrong is probably all that's needed

If you over react to the smaller stuff the child's not going to come to you with the bigger stuff

Authorisatingarchibald · 19/02/2023 23:21

PatButchersEarring · 19/02/2023 20:56

To be clear, this was not done at a piercing shop- it was done by a 14 year old in a 14 year old's bedroom!

It looks sore and scabby- I was going to call the doctor to get it checked, get prescribed antibiotic cream if needed and frankly, so that she realises that having your mate pierce your belly button for you at home is an unsafe choice, no matter how many youtube videos they have watched.

Would others not do this?

No I would if it’s not infected. I would get it out immediately and give it time to heal. With the state the nhs is in I wouldn’t be rushing there with a non infected piercing.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/02/2023 23:31

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 22:51

I’d be way way more concerned than most of you if my child came home pierced anywhere from a sleepover😱. I have no idea what I’d do but Dr and safeguarding lead at school or police would be my response. Seriously I’m surprised how relaxed you all are.

Because the police don't have enough to fucking deal with. FFS.

Authorisatingarchibald · 19/02/2023 23:32

Seriously, police and safeguarding for 13/14 year olds piercing bits of each other? It’s a stupid thing to do and they both deserve a serious talking to and punishment of some kind but it’s completely within the realms of normal behaviour at that age and is neither a safeguarding risk of sign of self harm. It’s just stupid behaviour and pretty minor in terms of really bad things they could be up to. Of course I would be annoyed and letting the dad know is sensible, I would also want to know but it’s not concerning or worrying, just stupid

ConfusedNT · 19/02/2023 23:33

Aquamarine1029 · 19/02/2023 23:31

Because the police don't have enough to fucking deal with. FFS.

Show quote history

I know! Some people apparently want teachers and police officers to do their parenting for them 🙄

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 23:35

It’s illegal, it’s dangerous and it scars the child for life. The fucking father BOUGHT the kit to do it with. I honestly don’t know why you think it isn’t a big deal.

and no If you over react to the smaller stuff the child's not going to come to you with the bigger stuff this is crap, and not small stuff.

whatsup00 · 19/02/2023 23:37

The thing is it's true though. If you over-react all that happens is the child won't come to you for help in the future. Seen it too many times. Neither of them have done something evil.

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 23:44

I don’t think it is over reacting.

lailamaria · 20/02/2023 00:48

it is overreacting, you'd go to the police because they gave eachother a piercing, i hope you never watched the parent trap, you might end up having a heart attack, also the police wouldn't caution her, there's no law against it

Spongeboob · 20/02/2023 01:08

I would be incandescent and that's as a heavily pierced Mum. Don’t make her take it out, if there is any infection you'd only trap it inside. Take her to a decent piercer to check it over and follow appropriate advice. But definitely speak to the parents of the child who did it. Not okay!