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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 cannot budget

113 replies

SeaSnakes · 18/02/2023 23:38

DS 17 is rubbish with money. He gets paid fortnightly between £350 - £400. He’s currently trying to save to go on holiday. We have suggested he puts X amount away as soon as he gets paid to save up. We have offered to help by either transferring the money to us and we’ll keep it safe for him or if he prefers to draw out cash and similarly we’ll keep it safe.
He keeps refusing our help as he wants to do it himself- fair enough but he just ends up spending all his money on take aways and FIFA/ X box, taking his GF out etc.
Not to drip feed, it may / may not be relevant but he is quite an immature 17 yr old who struggles with simple tasks and authority. We (his Dad and I) believe he has ADHD but he’s always refused any intervention.
We’ve sat down and talked about costs and tried to simplify budgeting but also emphasise the importance of not living beyond your means. He says he understands but it’s like in one ear and out of the other.
He recently got one of those silly tin money boxes from pound land that you put money in but can’t get out again. He drew cash out and put about £200 in then a few days later opened it with a tin opener because he realised he suddenly had no money in his bank account and wanted to go out 🙈
any advice on how to help him learn how to budget?

OP posts:
Sadlifter · 19/02/2023 17:01

Because saying you'll add 100 quid to it might encourage him to save?

AlwaysGinPlease · 19/02/2023 17:05

Oh come on people. He's only 17 years old. So incredibly young. He needs to be taught these things.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2023 17:05

And please anyone who is reading, don't lend your children money from future money. You're training them to get into debt. Setting them up to see credit as savings.

Have them save, even if it's boring and annoying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/02/2023 17:06

AlwaysGinPlease · 19/02/2023 17:05

Oh come on people. He's only 17 years old. So incredibly young. He needs to be taught these things.

He's been taught his whole life. Unfortunately he's been taught the wrong things. Borrow money, Bank of Mum will bail you out, don't save because there's always borrowing.

Lougle · 19/02/2023 17:10

Can you return the Nike clothing? That would be a start.

mathanxiety · 19/02/2023 17:10

So he has got away with refusing assessment for ADHD and not paying rent.

You need to start laying down conditions for his continued enjoyment of the family home.

mathanxiety · 19/02/2023 17:12

And he knows he has a trust fund? You bought him a car with trust money.

Sell the car.

mathanxiety · 19/02/2023 17:14

And you've just bought him a pile of clothes. For the holiday you're going to pay for, no doubt.

Lol.

He's running rings around you all.

NoSquirrels · 19/02/2023 19:26

he doesn’t seem to understand you can’t have something if you can’t afford it

Because he gets completely the opposite message? He got a car without saving for it. You’ve bought him the (expensive, branded) clothes he wants for his holidays. You’ll send him with cash if he doesn’t save it, or he’ll borrow it off his mates. Of course he hasn’t got the message. How often do you/did you say ‘No’ and mean it?

sixfoot · 19/02/2023 20:14

The mystery of why he’s bad with money has been solved

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2023 20:28

OP - I hear you. I have a DD who also can't budget - I also suspect ADHD, but she's still years away from an NHS diagnosis.

I'd like to applaud your DS for working. Having had a school refuser I know how stressful it is, and how relieved s you must be that he's now found something that he's engaging with, and earning money from. Well done him!

There had been some good advice given, such as having a bank account which several "pots" of money. And it's practical advise like this you need, not not to be told you're not parenting effectively. I'd be interested in any book recommendations which might be helpful?!

I know you don't need the money, but I would be very tempted to tell him that when he turns 18 you will be charging some rent. I'd do it to help him learn to budget. Usually I'd say taking rent doesn't help to teach budgeting, but he obviously needs more support than most. You sound like a great mum, and I'm sure he'll figure it out all eventually, with your support.

Original poster
SeaSnakes · 19/02/2023 20:35

LynetteScavo · 19/02/2023 20:28

OP - I hear you. I have a DD who also can't budget - I also suspect ADHD, but she's still years away from an NHS diagnosis.

I'd like to applaud your DS for working. Having had a school refuser I know how stressful it is, and how relieved s you must be that he's now found something that he's engaging with, and earning money from. Well done him!

There had been some good advice given, such as having a bank account which several "pots" of money. And it's practical advise like this you need, not not to be told you're not parenting effectively. I'd be interested in any book recommendations which might be helpful?!

I know you don't need the money, but I would be very tempted to tell him that when he turns 18 you will be charging some rent. I'd do it to help him learn to budget. Usually I'd say taking rent doesn't help to teach budgeting, but he obviously needs more support than most. You sound like a great mum, and I'm sure he'll figure it out all eventually, with your support.

Thanks lovely 🥰, I will be charging him rent from 18, he does need more support than most. I’m so proud he’s working and also really enjoying it.

I believe he will figure it out, but I’ve realised normal parenting strategies are ineffectual and that’s where I need to have a rethink.

I have the ‘explosive child’ book which is very informative. Good luck with you and your DD x

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 19/02/2023 21:00

@SeaSnakes how about you ‘contribute’ towards stuff, as opposed to just buying it for him? If he wants £250 trainers, say you’d give him £50 towards it when he’s saved £200. Because you’d buy him a normal pair anyway, whatever it’s over the basic threshold, he can pay for himself. It’s a start towards budgeting.
I bought DD a car outright (she has no trust fund 😂, I did extra shifts), gave her the keys, booked and paid for her theory test (with the proviso that if she fails, she’ll pay for any subsequent ones) and told her to get on with it, because I won’t always be able to give her lifts to and from work, I gave her 6 months. She knew I mean it, so she buckled down.
What I’m saying is you don’t have to cut him off completely, but you need to have boundaries, even with ADHD.

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