Explaining to teenage girl why it isn't safe to walk streets at night

[mumofblu]

My Dd is allowed to see friends in day at weekends and told to be home before dark unless pre arranged at someone's house and we pick her up or she is dropped off .

She wants to go out walking with her boyfriend in town at night until 9 . We've said if it's cinema , bowling etc yes but not hanging around in the city .
She goes there in the day sometimes and rule is leave town when shops close .

We don't want her wandering streets obv in town because she's not old enough to drink and not interested as far as we can tell . Her bf is same age , known to be out in dark , after being chucked out , not a good family .

How do you explain to teenager the risks of female walking alone , being out in dark .

Wr are saying because it's our rules but after Sarah Everard , Zara Aleena and many friends being attacked over the years do I start to share more details ?

How are other mums of girls approaching this with their Dd . She is 15 and not streetwise but wanting to be badass

So the real question is - why DON'T men learn not to attack women? Who teaches men that women are fair game and why? The more young women ask the real questions, the more humanity has a real future.

There is a big difference between explaining that there are risks, and accurately quantifying and assessing those risks. Humans are spectacularly bad at the latter.

The simple truth is that she is six times more likely to be seriously injured in a road traffic collision if you pick her up (86 instances per day in the UK), than she is to be sexually harassed by a stranger if you don't (13 instances per day in UK). And ... dare I say it ... but a serious road traffic collision is a more specific and quantifiably 'bad' experience than the much broader definition of sexual harassment, which includes innuendo, staring, and unwelcome comments about how you look. Unpleasant, undoubtedly ... but usually in most cases more easily recovered from - unlike many of the life altering injuries that are required for a road traffic collision to be classified as "serious".

I'm not belittling the desire to keep anyone's DDs safe (I have my own that I worry about), but I'm also not sure that keeping teenagers locked in at night is a proportionate means of doing so. If you'd be prepared to pick her up in the car, but not let her walk home, it's because you are either overreacting to the horrific stories in the news, or completely blithe about the real risks of road use. In both cases, the root of the issue is with your perception of risk ... not hers.

I think that's 13 reported incidents of sexual harassment a day. The figures won't be anywhere near the reality.

I always get a bit upset when I see women use the how likely is it that they’ll be attacked by a stranger argument as a reason for why it’s safe for women and girls to wander around at night alone.

I was sexually assaulted by a stranger in one of those situation that people love to say never happens. I was young and invincible and thought it would never happen to me. Six or so months later a rape counsellor had been reassuring me I was statistically unlikely to be attacked again and the very day after saying this, I was attacked at knifepoint by a stranger.

These things may be rarer than a friend or family assault but they’re not so rare they never happen. We ought to teach boys and men not to rape but until that’s getting through their thick skulls we need to alert girls to the reality of being vulnerable and alone in dark and isolated spaces and that yes if you’re unlucky you might be attacked by a stranger in a situation women are forever saying on the internet is unlikely to happen.

The problem is 100% male (sexual) violence but part of the safety strategy is to make women and girls realise that it can happen to any one of them at any time and not pretend it never happens.

That's horrendous @dottieautie I agree thats it's not as rare as we are told. And I think we do young women a disservice if we dont prepare them.

@dottieautie I am very sorry that happened to you.

The point I was trying to make was that lots of things aren't 100% safe. Walking alone at night isn't 100% safe. A friend or relative walking you home isn't either. Nor is driving a car. Or drinking alcohol. Or swimming. Or walking somewhere in the daytime. Or even just being in your own home where a fire could start.

I was sexually assaulted at work - I don't think women shouldn't have jobs and I still have one myself.

I think we should have open conversations with our children about how to assess risks.