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Teenagers

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Original poster

Appropriate bedtime for an 11/12 year old (year 7)

79 replies

Unhappymumma · 09/01/2023 21:43

My son (as many others do too) is pushing back at us about his bedtime. We ask him to come off devices at 9.30 and asleep at 10 pm a school night which I think a good time.
To give him his due, all of the boys he plays with online stay on much longer and he is always the first to come off. He's telling me they are allowed to stay up until 11.30/midnight on a school night!!!
Now this will not be happening in our house regardless, but I've told him I'm going to ask other parents as according to him we are mean, strict, boring, and are the only ones doing this.
I would like to show him the responses. Thank you 😁

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 09/01/2023 22:11

In bed for 9.30 - sleep ? What's that? 11.30-12 maybe but he's never been a sleeper

YearoftheDrama · 09/01/2023 22:19

Another Y7. Gets ready for bed at 9pm, allowed to read in bed until she falls asleep. She’s not a good sleeper so I don’t enforce a time for that, just for being in bed. No phone allowed in her room, she’s usually off it before 9pm.

neverendinglauaundry · 09/01/2023 22:22

My 12 yo is in bed about 8:30/9 lights out at 9/9:30. She really needs her sleep though

oohyoudevilyou · 09/01/2023 22:27

General wind-down from about 8.50, lights out at 9:30 on a school night

fUNNYfACE36 · 09/01/2023 22:28

It's a little meaningless to talk about bedtime without knowing what time they have to get up

Valhalla17 · 09/01/2023 22:39

Ds turns devices off by 8pm, then can read etc...sleep at 9pm. He gets up at 6am though. By the end of the week he's shattered as I think he does better on 11hrs..

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/01/2023 22:42

We did 9 on school nights and 10/10.30 on Fridays and Saturdays when we all had late dinner together with a film.

SlipperyLizard · 09/01/2023 22:43

Ours are 11 & 13 (yr 6 & 8), devices off 8:45, lights off 9:30. 13 yr old up at 7am, 11 yr old 7:30.

Later at weekends (often much later), but can tell they’re tired next day.

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 22:43

Controversial I know, but by the time our kids were in secondary we trusted them with their own bedtimes.

They had a non-negotiable duty to be at the school bus super early in the morning with the relevant day’s PE kit, instruments, lunch and their own books and homework for the day. So sometimes they stayed up late gaming (or the girls would watch tv) and turned everything off after us, but other times they did homework, had tea and went to bed early.

We encouraged independence and expected them to self organise. They were sensible and did - pretty much without fail, and we rarely had bedtime battles. Sometimes we’d have to say ‘come on you should go up, you look tired…’ and they would.

The key is to lay down a strict expectation that school, and being organised for school, is the main priority and if that isn’t met, the ‘privilege’ of being treated like an adult goes in an instant. Strangely, the fear of that made them self regulate pretty sensibly from quite an early age.

OddSockSeeker · 09/01/2023 22:46

No devices Mon-Thursday.
Bed ideally 9pm, realistically closer to 10. They push it. 😉

Original poster
Unhappymumma · 10/01/2023 06:53

Thank you. I have showed him all of the replies. He gets up at 6.30 school days

OP posts:
CurrentHun · 10/01/2023 06:57

I’m dealing with a bolshy night owl. What’s the recommendation for stop of screen time before sleep? 2 hours? Is there anything official/scientific?

babyyodaxmas · 10/01/2023 07:06

Have you seen this very useful

Appropriate bedtime for an 11/12 year old (year 7)
liveforsummer · 10/01/2023 07:29

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 22:43

Controversial I know, but by the time our kids were in secondary we trusted them with their own bedtimes.

They had a non-negotiable duty to be at the school bus super early in the morning with the relevant day’s PE kit, instruments, lunch and their own books and homework for the day. So sometimes they stayed up late gaming (or the girls would watch tv) and turned everything off after us, but other times they did homework, had tea and went to bed early.

We encouraged independence and expected them to self organise. They were sensible and did - pretty much without fail, and we rarely had bedtime battles. Sometimes we’d have to say ‘come on you should go up, you look tired…’ and they would.

The key is to lay down a strict expectation that school, and being organised for school, is the main priority and if that isn’t met, the ‘privilege’ of being treated like an adult goes in an instant. Strangely, the fear of that made them self regulate pretty sensibly from quite an early age.

Same, I frequently go to bed earlier than dd now 13 who has been doing this successfully since she started high school aged 11. Never once been late for school and she leaves the house after me too as I have to leave earlier for work - so completely of her own accord. Those tables always make me laugh. I don't think either of my dc have slept 10 hours solid in their lives but it's interesting that it reduces over teenage years as at 13 it's far more likely she might than at any other age previously 😆

user8912 · 10/01/2023 07:39

Read at 8.30, lights off at 9. I don't let him go on consoles at night (mid week) for this reason. He's allowed an hour when he gets back from school but then has to come off (and this only started in the last month, I've previously banned it mid week entirely).

QuietYou · 10/01/2023 07:45

UWhatNow · 09/01/2023 22:43

Controversial I know, but by the time our kids were in secondary we trusted them with their own bedtimes.

They had a non-negotiable duty to be at the school bus super early in the morning with the relevant day’s PE kit, instruments, lunch and their own books and homework for the day. So sometimes they stayed up late gaming (or the girls would watch tv) and turned everything off after us, but other times they did homework, had tea and went to bed early.

We encouraged independence and expected them to self organise. They were sensible and did - pretty much without fail, and we rarely had bedtime battles. Sometimes we’d have to say ‘come on you should go up, you look tired…’ and they would.

The key is to lay down a strict expectation that school, and being organised for school, is the main priority and if that isn’t met, the ‘privilege’ of being treated like an adult goes in an instant. Strangely, the fear of that made them self regulate pretty sensibly from quite an early age.

Two of mine always self regulated, they know when they're tired and like their sleep. DH is exactly the same.
The other two really struggle with it, even if they are obviously tired. DC3 in particular would game all night if not told to stop. I am the same, when DH works away I find going to bed really difficult. Often if my older DC are home from university they tell me to go to bed.

BookedOut · 10/01/2023 07:46

11yo in Y7 has to be up at 6.30 (though often sets her alarm for 6.00) so bedtime is 8.30. That gives her 10 hours sleep or (in practice) a bit less.

I don’t agree that most children can self regulate successfully with bedtimes and screens. Most adults find it hard! And sleep is so important for health, happiness and behaviour that I’m not prepared to risk long term sleep deprivation for DC.

UnbeatenMum · 10/01/2023 07:48

Mine goes up at 8:30 and I spend about 15 minutes with her. Then she can read as long as she likes but usually doesn't.

RhubarbFairy · 10/01/2023 07:51

11 years old and Y7.

Off devices by 8 pm, start getting ready for bed.
In bed by 8.30.
Read/audiobook until lights out at 9pm.

Lights out at 9.30/10pm on Friday and Saturday, but still off devices by 8.30pm.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 10/01/2023 08:03

School nights it was 9pm getting ready for bed and 9:30 lights out for my DC in yr 7. They got up at 7am and it generally worked OK. I didn’t restrict devices in the evenings as they tended to watch tv with me before bed anyway. No devices overnight though. I started letting them self regulate bed times from around 14/15 and nowadays, they are older teens, they stay up later than me sometimes. Weekends / holidays was always later though they are both good sleepers and would head off by 10ish without being asked, unless there was a fascinating film on! One DC had sports clubs that meant he couldn’t get to bed until a bit later some nights, but still usually managed lights out at 9:30. This was a problem at primary but had stopped being an issue by yr 7.

rainbowandglitter · 10/01/2023 08:09

Hohofortherobbers · 09/01/2023 21:45

I'm pulling my Dc1 yr7 back to an earlier bedtime after some Xmas late nights. It's 8pm to bed, read til 9pm then lights out. My Dc2 is primary aged so easier to implement for both.

Wow bed at 8pm for a year 7? Is that every week night? What about clubs? Ds is year 8 and goes to sleep around 10, sometimes later if he's had a club and doesn't get home until 9.45 ish.

Gufo · 10/01/2023 08:13

Y7 DC goes up at 8.30/8.45 and then can read/draw/write whatever until she goes to sleep (no devices).

PuttingDownRoots · 10/01/2023 08:18

Mine choses to go 8-8.30pm. I've said she can read for longer, but she says she's tired.

She has one club that finishes at 8pm, but its a Friday night.

She happily turns her phone off at about 7.30 as she finds messages on group chats about homework etc annoying when she is trying to sleep.

Her younger sister needs less sleep.

user8912 · 10/01/2023 08:22

@rainbowandglitter read it again, she said 9, they read from 8. Many adults go to bed at 10 so I'm not sure why you're feigning shock at a child going to bed earlier than an adult. Many year 7s haven't started the sleeping in stage yet and are still up early.

ZestFest · 10/01/2023 08:30

8:30 with a bit of wiggle room. Now is Y8 and 9:00

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