Mum of teen boys help this mum of girls understand

[soweneo]

I have 3 DDs the eldest is in Y11. There are two boys she has dated for a number of months but they have both finished with her in the same way, not for any real reason that they give it just feels like they don’t want to put any effort in. They both seemed to only want her to fit in to their lives, watch them play sport, go to their houses and always seem to make the plans. I don’t know if this is just her not asserting herself more or if maybe teen boys find relationships hard work and only want a girlfriend if it fits in with their lives. I am massively generalising I know, but I would just love to hear from mums of boys what it is like from their end as I have no way of learning! Give me your wisdom ladies!

My lads didn't have any girlfriends before age 19+, anyway.

only want a girlfriend if it fits in with their lives

Isn't that healthy? They are 16! they shouldn't be doing mega-accommodation or anything deep. It should be light & fun, nothing more.

My girl was a complete man-eater at age 17-18. She didn't want any drama either, just "fun".

Interesting that boys' desire to spend time doing what they want, seeing friends, enjoying sport and generally having an easy drama free life is characterised as "immature" by numerous posters in this thread. Isn't that what we should want them to aspire to? Who wants long, introspective discussions about your relationship/meeting the in-laws/having to spend all your time promptly replying to messages etc at 15? Are the girls who expect this stuff really "mature"?

When adult women post about the perils of OLD on MN, the advice is invariably to learn to be at ease with yourself, find hobbies, see friends, enjoy your life, and if it happens it happens. Is that an immature way to be?!

@SirCharlesRainier If you are the kind of person that likes to be in a relationship (however innocent that relationship is physically) like my daughter is then you actively enjoy a deeper bond. And I know plenty of men like that, my husband being one.
My other daughter who is only a school year below couldn't be less interested in a relationship at this stage and that is great too. But some teens even at that age are relationship shaped and like to spend time with a special person - my DD loves to chat deeply (she has two parents who talk lots and she just enjoys that side of a relationship I suppose). But equally she has to accept that other teens might not want to have that sort of connection at such a young age. I suppose maybe she is unusual in that she can manage both putting time in to friends, her sport, her studies, her hobbies (and SHOPPING!) as well as having a bond with a boyfriend - she certainly hasn't given up her life one bit, but managed to fit his life in with hers whereas the reverse wasn't offered. He did all the running after her, asked her out, wanted a relationship rather than just seeing each other at parties, but then clearly didn't want a two sided relationship and when she quite rightly suggested that he join her life a little, meet her friends etc (which he loved her doing, he was always inviting her to his house, meet his family, his friends watch his sport etc) he couldn't find the energy to reciprocate and finished the relationship. Better now than in the middle of GCSE's anyhow!

Have to say i am surprised that any adult would judge a 15 or 16 year old for putting sport and friendship before a relationship. I think that is healthy.

Girls..and i remember from being a teen..often obsess unhealthily over having relationships to the exclusion of s lot of other things.

I dont think teens at school should be encouraged to be good partners at such a young age or put a girlfriend or boyfriends interests or needs above their own.

I dont think ending a brief relationship for any reason is selfish and being harsh he should be able to do thst whenever he wants and not have to tiptoe around waiting for the best time. Rhey arent a married couple.

Its so tough to see a teen unhappy but i think good to encourage girls to have a less attached view of these relationships