Would you make your teenager attend a detention under these circumstances?

[RoastOtter]

DS is in year 11. He has been given a detention for not having his shirt tucked in twice last week. I will add he is always in clean and correct uniform complete with blazer and tie every day. He just sometimes had his shirt out

He didn't attend today. I asked him why not and he said he would always go to one for lack of homework or talking in class but he didn't see the point just for having his shirt untucked

For not attending, he needs to go tomorrow until 5pm. And then, if he doesn't go to that, he will be isolated the following day from lunch time and made to stay in school until 5pm

I'm torn. Instinctively I want to say ' you know the rules on uniform, bloody well go to the detention'

On the other hand, I think it's ridiculous. He's had 2 detentions in his entire time at school and he's almost 16. One for lack of homework and one for too much talking, so he's not particularly badly behaved. He attended both of these

So what would you do? Force him to go because those are the rules? Or something else?

It's a good lesson in consequences, or playing chicken. See what happens. Probably better for him to play it out now rather than later when he's got exams or in the workforce.

@SnoozyLucy7 the problem is that detentions dint seem to make much difference - apart from keeping the trouble makers out of the classroom and making it a bit more manageable.

What do you think the impact would be of letting one pupil away with not attending a detention?
I think the rule is OTT, but it won't be changed by your son.

But that’s just fostering an attitude of entitlement. Of course, there are many shitty rules, but how else do you run a large school but with rules applied equally to everyone?

In a work setting there are rules that must be followed. Not doing so could result in that person potentially being reprimanded/disciplined. Surely it’s the same thing for pupils in schools?

That it's a stupid rule. That's what I would tell them anyway.

He’s taking his lead from you. Set him up for working life by urging him to attend the detention or accept the consequences.

Most work rules are there for a reason. I can't see one good reason why tucking a shirt in is a rule.

Mine would get a rocket up her arse if she didn’t attend - that would be from me - she’s get what for and her phone taken by me never mind the school

rules and rules

you don’t get to pick which ones you agree with

teach your child respect

Tucking shirts in is a safety thing in a science lab or tech room.

It's a rule in school so students appear relatively smart too.

Like many PPs have said, you don't get to pick the rules you do and don't follow.

There are laws I disagree with, doesn't mean I can just ignore them.

I'd leave it up to him but encourage him to go. He's old enough to deal with the consequences.

Be aware though, that once he's on the path of not tucking his shirt in, it's a very short step to robbing grannies of their pension and holding up petrol stations. Or at least it is according to some people on here. Be warned!

He will be in prison before his 21st birthday!

I think the OP should chuck him out.

I wouldn't force my y11 to do anything, he's almost an adult and is perfectly capable of deciding if he should or shouldn't turn up to a detention. If he wants to make a stand then fair enough but I wouldn't be calling up the school to complain about him being sanctioned for his decision.
I'd stay completely out of it and let him make his own mind up.

He should do it. Sounds like he's been told once and then done it again so has already been warned he's just not heeded the warning - unless I have that wrong

And also.. he's not a bad kid. He's not disruptive. This is his third detention in his school life

He's generally a good boy. But he's also a teenager and a very very typical one at that.

I'm going to talk to him again later with my strong advice that he should attend and if he chooses not to, the consequences are his alone to deal with

Thanks all

But it’s still the rule. He shouldn’t be so entitled to think that he can choose which rules he will follow or not.

@Rocketclub why would you remove the phone from your 16 year old child ? What's the correlation?

He's not been rude to me. He's not been aggressive or violent or bullying. He's just not tucked his shirt in because 'fashion.'

When you overreact with teenagers, you alienate them. My instinct is absolutely to overreact but I don't.

My sensible head tells me that, as he approaches adulthood, it's time for him to decide whether having all this from the school is worth it for the sake of fashion.

I would let him make his own choice.

So many ridiculous school rules, create sheep rather than engaged critical thinkers.

I'm with your son on this one OP

@PAFMO he isn't a disruptive kid. The school have contacted me once, back when he was in year 8, over not doing his maths homework. So I don't think I'm on their radar as a problem parent.

And I don't need to think in advance what I'm going to say to the school should they contact me. I'll tell them my thoughts and what I've strongly advised my son to do

Yanbu it's bloody stupid. If my boss made me stay in during my lunch for not having my blouse tucked in I'd call the union.

It used to be the rule that women couldn't vote
It used to be the rule that education was only for men
It used to be the rule to do national service.
It used to be the rule that trade unionism was illegal.

Smart critical thinkers challenged these rules.

If the school/teachers create stupid rules they can expect to be challenged.

Some rules are plain stupid.

If he thinks this is a hill worth dying on at 16 I might just let him.

I agree. I’d tell my teen that whilst I sympathise absolutely and think it’s a pointless detention, I’d advise just sucking it up and tucking the shirt in, because the school will never back down on untucked shirts being a reasonable uniform adjustment. So it’s useless to cause yourself grief when there’s no possible useful outcome. But I’d also say I wouldn’t be ‘supporting the school’ in any other way than telling them to take it up with him in school time.

@NoSquirrels this is exactly the approach I will take with the add on that I think he should follow rules

He knows I want him to have his shirt tucked in. I tell him every morning. But short of me popping up to the school gate and doing it for him, well, I'm a bit stuffed on that front!

beachcitygirl

I teach tech, the rule is there for health and safety reasons.
The same as no rings and hair must be tied back.
The same as wearing goggles (even those that wear glasses).

@FrippEnos if it were for safety reasons such as your class then I'm 100% on board.

Pound to the penny it's just a power crazy teacher.