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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Feel really bad I just shouted at DS 17 and called him a little shit

56 replies

SecretStasch · 04/08/2022 19:36

DS 17 currently lounges about in bed all day watching nextflix. I’m nagging him to get up and be productive.

Last night I caught him smoking a spliff out of his bedroom window and I went mad. I have a rule which is absolutely no drugs or smoking in the house. He just went ‘sor - ree’ like off Kevin and Perry. Today he phoned me from his bedroom for a bacon bap.

I stormed upstairs and called him a lazy shit. He looked genuinely taken aback. I feel really bad as he lost his job last week and I know he’s gutted. Should I just move on? I don’t like any kind of discord in the house.

I feel like I need to be supportive by helping him with his CV and look for jobs but he’s just making me so very cross 😡

OP posts:
Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:37

Give him a hug

Tiggy321 · 04/08/2022 19:40

You have my sympathy. 3 teens (well one is 20 but acts like a teen!) Lots of lying around, being unproductive tho the 20 year old is working full time. Tonight was the first time in ages that everyone helped lay the table, clear up dinner etc ! Feel like I have won the lottery. Teens are seriously hard work. Never expected it to be SOOO hard! And yes smoking weed is one of the things my 20 year old does. I hate it , he goes up to the attic and the smell permeates the house. Have had many many rows about it. No idea what the answer is . He's leaving home very soon 🎉🎉

Tiggy321 · 04/08/2022 19:43

Oh and in my experience, your son won't hold it against you. We all say things in the heat of the moment. Apologise and ask if you can help. Also try to explain your frustrations - may get through to him ??

WatermelonSugarSigh · 04/08/2022 19:43

I don't think you should be feeling bad OP- he's taking the piss phoning you for a bacon bap! All sounds completely normal teenage crap but bloody infuriating for you and I think it's good he sees you're pissed off with it.

MacKenzieMcHale · 04/08/2022 19:43

Give him a hug 😆

Remember that time in the 90s when you took drugs in your parents house and treated your mum like a slave, and disrespected her, and she gave you a hug and sent you on your merry way?

HelloThereObiWan · 04/08/2022 19:45

He's nearly an adult and sounds like he was being a little shit. Good on you for calling him out.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 04/08/2022 19:45

Sounds like he got off lightly to me, op!

Wait for him to apologise, not the other way around.

orangeisthenewpuce · 04/08/2022 19:46

He is a lazy shit. Don't apologise until he's stopped being a lazy shit.

titchy · 04/08/2022 19:46

Apologise and hug him and ask if you can help?! WTF!!!!

He texted her to make him lunch like she's his fucking servant and smokes weed!

He owes you a massive apology not the other way round. You did the right thing bollocking him.

BottlingBurpsForGrandma · 04/08/2022 19:48

Meh, sounds like he is being a little shit. If your relationship is otherwise good then it's just an explosion of cross words with more than a grain of truth in them!

Was he made redundant / end of contract? If so I'd be offering proactive and timely emotional and practical support inc lifts to interviews etc with job hunting. If he lost his job for other reasons, like lateness (or smoking spliffs!) then proactive and timely action, but more brisk and practical and less of the emotional support!

notacooldad · 04/08/2022 19:49

Give him a hug
Are you taking the piss?
Smokes weed in the home, rings mum to skivvy for him.
A lazy shit is exactly what he is!

OpinionsUnseen · 04/08/2022 19:52

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:37

Give him a hug

I sincerely hope this is sarcasm.

OP, he is a lazy shit. Did he lose his job because he’s a lazy shit by any chance?

He’s 17, time to buck up his ideas and start pulling his weight. I’ve been there and I know it’s not easy, but if he acts the way he does then he deserves to be called a lazy shit.

And drugs would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. If my DC brought drugs into my house they would be moving out.

Spanielsarepainless · 04/08/2022 19:52

Surely he is quite a big shit. Lazy toe rag.

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:52

No. Go and have a chat with him and say you're sorry you called him a shit and that you're frustrated by the laziness as he has so much potential. Then give him a hug.

35965a · 04/08/2022 19:53

orangeisthenewpuce · 04/08/2022 19:46

He is a lazy shit. Don't apologise until he's stopped being a lazy shit.

Agree ^

Paslaptis · 04/08/2022 19:56

He'll be fine; I'm sure he's heard worse. And if it did suprise him, it's not bad for him to know that the way he's behaving isn't acceptable to you. I think if you try to pretend it's all OK, you'll be frustrated and he'll (depending on his personality) be tempted to wallow and push his luck. You shouldn't have to be unhappy and uncomfortable in your own house. At an absolute minimum, be clear there are no exceptions to the no smoking rule; he can go outside if he needs to.

I'd tell him help is available (e.g., with his CV) but he has to ask, and then leave him to it. Just in case, I'd also be thinking about how long is too long for him to "lounge about". Yes, he may need a few days but there are too many posts on here by people whose unemployed 28 year old sits in their childhood bedroom and snarks when asked to help around the house.

Tiggy321 · 04/08/2022 19:56

I agree he sounds lazy etc but I just know that screaming at someone like that doesn't work at all. Been there and done that. I wish I could turn the clock back about how I parented my eldest. Drugs is a deal breaker for me too BUT until you have walked in someone's shoes.... calling for a bacon roll would definitely be ignored in my house. Give him a couple of daily chores to do

Staynow · 04/08/2022 19:57

He was being a lazy shit - and he's 17 he'll have heard much worse than that I'm sure! By all means help him with looking for a job, but don't put up with the rest of the crap.

MarshaMelrose · 04/08/2022 19:57

He is indeed a lazy shit. If he's lost his job, he should be out looking for another one, not smoking a bloody spliff out the window and taking the piss out of you.

Original poster
SecretStasch · 04/08/2022 20:03

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:52

No. Go and have a chat with him and say you're sorry you called him a shit and that you're frustrated by the laziness as he has so much potential. Then give him a hug.

This seems like a very fair and reasonable response.

I had forgotten how presumptuous so many posters are - he lost his job as he was no longer needed, the company had lost a lot of business and there wasn’t enough work for him to do, not because he’s a lazy shit or smokes spliffs.

Although his behaviour in the last couple of days has been lazy I called him a little shit not a lazy shit. Normally he is not lazy, normally he’s in work all day and comes in and does chores.

anyway, he seems to have forgotten all about it and there’s no longer an atmosphere so that’s good.

We will be job searching together tomorrow and I’ll be helping him apply for and source jobs.

OP posts:
Creameggs223 · 04/08/2022 20:05

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:37

Give him a hug

Yes that will teach him to stop smoking drugs and get off his backside to get a job or go to college won't it.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 04/08/2022 20:07

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:52

No. Go and have a chat with him and say you're sorry you called him a shit and that you're frustrated by the laziness as he has so much potential. Then give him a hug.

He is a shit. He does not deserve an apology. He's 17 not 17 months. Ffs.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 04/08/2022 20:07

when my kids were living at home we found it easier just to text them if they were upstairs in their room

and no one can search for a job 24/7

try to get him off the spliffs though

20viona · 04/08/2022 20:08

You've done nothing wrong and I would be saying far worse, he'd be out on his arse for smoking drugs in my home.

WinterMusings · 04/08/2022 20:10

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:37

Give him a hug

He 'ordered' a bacon bap like some hotel room service & you think the OP should give him a HUG. I'd be giving him something, but it wouldn't be a bacon nap or a hug.

who the actual fuck does he think he is?