Gutted For My Son Not Getting His preffered Choice Uni Accommodation

[SunniG]

My son received news today of his uni accommodation and he is absolutely gutted that he got his 6th choice. He had his heart set on getting the one his friend has just left as my son has visited and knows the area and what the accommodation is like. He is He particularly liked this one because he would have had his own ensuite. The annoying thing is that his 6th choice was one that put down because it would allow him to finish his application until he chose 6.

Does anyone have any advice on what we can do please.

Thanks in advance.

That's a shame.

My dd doesn't find out what accomodation she's been allocated until results day. She's on her gap year so definitely got a place at the uni but that's how they do it so she's been impatiently waiting for weeks.

Vile? Really?

He’ll be fine.

There’s not much he can do until term starts when there may be vacancies in other halls. But most universities are overflowing.

My DD hasn’t got the accommodation she wanted either and has been given one which was far down her list.

She had a little grumble but she took a while to confirm her first choice and then kept delaying filling in the accommodation application - had she sorting things soon she have got a preferable choice! Also she may not even get the grades so not point in complaining too much now!

It willbe fine. No doubt someone will organise a halls group so he will know a few people before he gets there.

Not relevant nowadays because I bet universities don't have them anymore but I was placed in a shared room in a catered halls of residence that wasn't my first choice.
I don't mind admitting that when I read the letter offering me the room the first thing I did was pick up the phone and cry to my mum who was a work. I definitely didn't want to share a room with anyone
When I calmed down I rang the accommodation office and was told that every effort was made to match students with someone with similar interests but if I really didn't want to share or we found we really didn't get on a move could easily be arranged
I was persuaded to stick with what I'd been offered but spent a few anxious weeks worrying about sharing a room with someone I'd never met. This was time wasted because I ended up making a friend for life and all 10 of us who had rooms on the same floor are still regularly in touch and meet up once a year.
Whoever it was that matched us couldn't have done a better job.

I was in a hall with 10 of us with a shared bathroom.
I spent yesterday with one of them and were messaging another one and a friend from upstairs. We are 54.

Just an update... My son has not long got home from work and told me he called up about going on the waiting list which they have done and he has accepted his offer for the other one, so all good.

I would like to add I don't very often post on here especially starting my own post
However today when my son text me to say he was gutted that he didn't get his first choice and could I advise him on anything he could do I felt useless because this is all new to me and I hadn't got a clue. I decided to post on here asking for advice because I thought there were bound to be some other parents with experience who maybe able to advise me. Thankfully I had some really useful advice from many of you, thank you so much. I also had some unhelpful unpleasant comments like telling my son to grow up and how he needs to do things for himself. Imagine that being your son daughter that people were saying things like that about them even though they know nothing about your son/daughter. My son is 19, he left college with A levels ready to go to uni last year. He told us that he wasn't ready to go to uni and planned to get a job for a year to earn enough money to pay for his own accommodation next year (2022). He got a job a week later working for the NHS writing patients notes for their covid jab. Then became a covid Marshall in a hospital for 4 months. In the meantime he applied for uni and was accepted. He spent ours researching accommodation that suited his budget. He decided on the flat in the building where his friend had just left because he had got used to it when visiting his friend and just really liked it. So you can imagine how gutted he was not to get it. Me being his mum tried to support him by finding out if there was anything he could do like going on a, waiting list, hence why I started my post.

Sorry for the long story but the point I am trying to make is please think about what you are posting, think of how you are going to make the other person feel that you are posting to. Think how you would feel if it was you posting about your son or daughter and was having to read those comments about them.

I admit I should never have replied to those certain post with snide comments, it does not help or get me anywhere at all.

Just be kind when posting and if it's a post that only winds you up leave the post and move on.

Thanks for reading.

@Tsandjdarethrbest and I've been around long enough to know that some people delight in posting glib shit, and that loads of posters claim that teenagers no longer need support or parenting the second they leave school.

@FriendlyPineapple they need support but they are not children anymore. They need to understand they can’t get exactly what they want all the time. Harsh but true.

I am so glad I didn't get my first choice of uni accommodation. E halls I wanted were actually known as the boring halls and I'm still best friends with some of my original flatmates and others that were on my corridor. I was a bit disappointed too but your son will be fine

I’m sorry @SunniG that I have upset you but I really believe he needs to understand that what he wants in this context he may not get. Students know it’s a lottery when they apply for accommodation. Universities make that very clear. Year after year I read posters who are devastated that their dc don’t get into their university of choice, course or choice or accommodation. Of course that’s upsetting for them but that really is life I’m afraid and part of transitioning into adulthood is learning to understand that.

Well said OP. Some people are just unpleasant knobs. Always remember, it's not you, it's them.

I didn't get my first choice, I wanted an en suite.

I was given a 5 room flat with shared bathroom. I was a bit sad. You don't always get what you want in life sadly, it's a lesson you have to start learning at that age.

He'll be fine.

I couldn't agree more and had you replied originally like you just have in a sensible polite manner would have been much kinder than telling him to grow up.

Thank you for your apology I appreciate that.

My son got his preferred choice but then it was withdrawn in August as they’d oversold it. We ended up scrambling to find something else and, in all honesty, it worked out better for him, despite the stress of finding a private rental at that late stage.
DD did get the accommodation she wanted and she loved her room but her flatmates weren’t really her type. She’s moving into a flat next week with others she’s met along the way who are on her wavelength.
It all seems to work out in the end- especially if they get involved in lots of outside interests and just use the room as a base.
Lots id good suggestions up thread. Good luck.

You’re welcome and I am sincerely sorry I upset you.

Sure. But let's think about how your version of the conversation would go:

Son: Mum, I'm gutted I never got my first choice of halls.
Mum: grow up son.

Sound realistic? Or like a pile of unrealistic crap someone might post on here anonymously?

@SunniG Id have been upset as well if my children had had to share a bathroom with anyone who might have been a slob, also a kitchen. Thankfully it only happened to one of them and I flew to the Uk to sort it out as student services were doing nothing because it was all supposed to be part of the uni experience. I think it took two hours of me arriving at the uni for them to move her to a very quickly found different apartment with its own en-suite and a clean kitchen. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having standards and not accepting other students filth as being part of the uni experience.

@SunniG sorry, as an overseas student she had to stay in halls for the first year but as soon as we were able to we had her in her own apartment that some of her friends then moved into with her during the second year.

Id have been upset as well if my children had had to share a bathroom with anyone who might have been a slob, also a kitchen.

Interesting that on MN, no-one ever thinks that it's maybe their son or daughter who is the slob or thoughtless flatmate ...

Part of growing up, and leaving home, is negotiating living with others from all sorts of backgrounds and habits and living styles, and doing so independently.

University accommodation officers work extraordinarily hard to match suite or flat-mates, and any hall of residence I've ever had anything to do with has live-in senior students/postgrads, to oversee the civilisation of wild freshers! But halls also have clear rules for cleaning up, lockable cupboards in kitchens etc etc etc.

@FriendlyPineapple You’ve clearly never been to my house. My dc are at university/due to go in a few years. They are pretty resilient having had a disabled parent and having to help care for him. They understand life doesn’t always go the way they want it to and they’re better for it in all honesty.

As does the OPs son, who has sorted the situation himself, and has a supportive parent, not one who claims to bark 'grow up' when faced with adversity.

I think your being ridiculous. Of course people know if their children are house trained or not. And mine certainly are.

They’re also very independent and we’re well able to leave home and travel 1000’s of miles abroad to uni when only just 17/18. Probably because they were well travelled as children and and used to mixing with people from all over the world due to their upbringing and the exposure they had to different experiences. An upbringing that amongst other things didn’t involve living in or with other peoples filth.

And it’s great that you think all universities make sure there are certain standards maintained in their halls but be assured it’s not always the case and what they may think is acceptable because a group of students are living in an apartment isn’t everyone’s level of acceptable.

And away with your emphasized ‘independently’. My now much much older adult children could probably have taught you what it meant.

I'm sure he will survive bless him