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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Gutted For My Son Not Getting His preffered Choice Uni Accommodation

114 replies

SunniG · 14/07/2022 12:37

My son received news today of his uni accommodation and he is absolutely gutted that he got his 6th choice. He had his heart set on getting the one his friend has just left as my son has visited and knows the area and what the accommodation is like. He is He particularly liked this one because he would have had his own ensuite. The annoying thing is that his 6th choice was one that put down because it would allow him to finish his application until he chose 6.

Does anyone have any advice on what we can do please.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
UnbeatenMum · 14/07/2022 13:10

It's possible there are waiting lists for his other choices. It's a while since I was a student but I did know people who moved halls at various points in the year.

Original poster
SunniG · 14/07/2022 13:14

Thank you Evergreenforest, there are only a couple of negative comments but let's face it those posters have to entertain themselves somehow, bless them.

OP posts:
Polichinelle · 14/07/2022 13:14

He can either accept it, or reject it and try to rent privately. I know which option I would recommend to my son

Tsandjdarethrbest · 14/07/2022 13:15

@SunniG By no means do it sit on these forums all day but believe what you want to believe. I feel like your son has a really tough road ahead of him if he feels he should always get exactly what he wants. Hence my advice.

Original poster
SunniG · 14/07/2022 13:23

Thanks again everyone, feel so much better about it now.

Poster above go and get yourself a hobby soubds like you Need it.

OP posts:
SuperheroBirds · 14/07/2022 13:26

As others have said, it may well be a blessing in disguise. I understand that at the moment he will feel upset, it happened to me and I was gutted. But, hopefully once he is there he’ll be too busy making friends and having a good time to think too much about it. I was given the option of moving into my first choice of halls at the Christmas break, as some people had dropped out of university. But by then I’d settled in and was perfectly happy where I was, so turned it down.

Tsandjdarethrbest · 14/07/2022 13:26

I don’t need a hobby thanks. I have a very challenging and interesting career. But thanks for the advice 😂

BitOutOfPractice · 14/07/2022 13:29

Hi OP this happened to my DD2 last year. I'm afraid there's not much you can do except suck it up right now. If I were you I'd try and jolly him along or he's going to go into it with a negative attitude and it'll be a self-fulfilling thing. I'm pretty sure he will love it when he gets there and if he has decent flat mates he'll have a blast! My DD2 had a great year and found lots of friends at her halls but also on her course and various other groups she joined. Good luck to him.

Jofergo · 14/07/2022 13:29

My friend got his bottom choice - self catering flat vs catered hall.

25 years on he is still in touch with all of his flatmates bar one and they are "god"parents to each others children. It's a lovely relationship that endures and only happened because of university accommodation services!

Helenloveslee4eva · 14/07/2022 13:32

What to do ?
make the best of it ….

mer my husband in uni accom neither of us wanted - I didn’t get the grades but they had me at my reserve uni. Husband didn’t fill the accom form in time 😂. We’ve been married since 1989 …

it’ll be fine. Different but fine

Cafetropical88 · 14/07/2022 13:32

I didn't get my first choice, I had never even heard of the accommodation I got put in. I remember being really upset and angry. However, I still went and it turned out fine. The accommodation was much cheaper than my first choice and I made great friends so I didn't care after that! I actually visited my first choice halls a while after and although it looked much nicer I realised I wouldn't have fitted in with the people there so everything happens for a reason 😊

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 13:32

It is a shame and some people on here have been awful to you OP, of course its disappointing but he will have to make the best of it now and fingers crossed it would turn out OK.
My DD will be applying to Uni's next year and has OCD and anxiety, if she doesnt get an ensuite I am not sure she will go. She isn't a spoilt brat or needs to grow up or anything, she will make herself ill before using a communal toilet like that.
We will see
Best of luck to your son, I hope he has a great time regardless

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 13:35

Tsandjdarethrbest · 14/07/2022 13:15

@SunniG By no means do it sit on these forums all day but believe what you want to believe. I feel like your son has a really tough road ahead of him if he feels he should always get exactly what he wants. Hence my advice.

He's a disappointed 17/18 year old. At no point does OP say he thinks he should get exactly what he wants
You are being nasty for no reason whatsoever

GCHeretic · 14/07/2022 13:36

SunniG · 14/07/2022 13:04

Thank you for all your very quick responses and very sensible advice and tips. Always good to hear from people with experience.

To the poster who told my son to grow up... Bless you my dear you sound like you sit on these forums all day just so you can give nonsense comments like that. May I suggest you take your advice on board because my son is not the one lacking in being able to contribute to a forum in a sensible kind manner thank god.

What’s he being told on the forum that he’s posted on then?

At nineteen it’s probably time that he starts dealing with this sort of thing himself. He’s an adult now, moving away to live on his own.

GreenManalishi · 14/07/2022 13:43

This is life, give him a good example of accepting it and try not to worry too much in his earshot, reassure him that he will be fine because you know he will make the most of it. Yes, familiar is good and can feel safe, but the unfamiliar can work out equally as well. Try to resist the temptation to take action on his behalf to "fix" it, help him to accept it and trust things will work out. Uni is a big change with loads of variables, it will be what he makes of it, en suite or no.

Tsandjdarethrbest · 14/07/2022 13:47

I’m not being awful or nasty. My advice is what I truly feel is best for him. There will be loads of times in the near future he won’t get what he wants. Whether that’s romantic partners, choice of module, first dibs of the set texts in the library. I assume the poster wanted different advice along the lines of how some of you had made a phone call to the accommodation officer and got your first choice. That isn’t real life. This isn’t school where you can constantly get your own way.
sorry if this upsets you OP and perhaps I could have worded it less abruptly, but really this advice is genuinely meant and if he takes it it will save him a lot of heartache in the future.

cyclamenqueen · 14/07/2022 13:49

@Hoppinggreen there will be space to declare this on the accommodation application . Also get in touch with disability support at her chosen uni ( they have a very wide remit) who will advise on the support available

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 13:52

cyclamenqueen · 14/07/2022 13:49

@Hoppinggreen there will be space to declare this on the accommodation application . Also get in touch with disability support at her chosen uni ( they have a very wide remit) who will advise on the support available

Thank you, we will do that and we are also hoping that she will be able to have a fridge in her room as sharing one with strangers would just be beyond her.
Her Counsellor will hopefully be able to provide a letter.
A year ago I would have said Uni would be impossible for her unless she could live at home but she has been doing much better and feels she may be able to manage

And in case anyone is thinking she is a complete snowflake I would have agreed with you until I had a child with issues like this myself (her brother is fine)

Tessasanderson · 14/07/2022 13:55

You lost me at en-suite......

jonesdarcy · 14/07/2022 13:56

I was in a similar position (many many years ago). However I wouldn't have changed it once I'd settled. The ensuite accommodation was usually way less social. I guess partially fewer opportunities to bump into people in the hallway, Being somewhere with shared facilities really facilitated mixing and that's so important when making friends.

Tsandjdarethrbest · 14/07/2022 13:57

Disability is a different situation altogether.
None of them want to share bathrooms. Some can’t afford en-suite. Others are just unlucky with the allocation. They all get used to it.

Comefromaway · 14/07/2022 13:59

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 13:32

It is a shame and some people on here have been awful to you OP, of course its disappointing but he will have to make the best of it now and fingers crossed it would turn out OK.
My DD will be applying to Uni's next year and has OCD and anxiety, if she doesnt get an ensuite I am not sure she will go. She isn't a spoilt brat or needs to grow up or anything, she will make herself ill before using a communal toilet like that.
We will see
Best of luck to your son, I hope he has a great time regardless

My son has autism. He needs en-suite for reasons related to that (he refused to use school toilets at all for example). The majority of university allocated accommodation has a process for this. My son was allowed (after sending evidence of his difficulties) to have priority booking for accommodation.

I'd advise you to start getting information together now. If your child hasn't been seen for a while you might need GP appointment. You can then apply for Disabled Students Allowance.

ChristmasJumpers · 14/07/2022 14:00

I got my first choice of uni halls with ensuite, lovely rooms with 3/4 size beds, laminate flooring and relatively newly built.

I absolutely hated it because the people in my flat were awful, rowdy, drug using and filthy to share a kitchen with.

I agree with other posters that the friends you make are much more important and that is pot luck!

GoAround · 14/07/2022 14:02

I got the fanciest accommodation on campus and really didn’t get good flatmates- 2 international students that weren’t interested in mixing, an active young conservative that could talk about little else (he’s now an MP!), and a girl who was perfectly ok but we had little in common. This really isn’t the end of the world. Hopefully he’ll get great flatmates which is probably more likely with the cheaper accommodation since there’s usually more people to a kitchen or bathroom, which means more opportunity to find your people, and then he really won’t care about the lack of ensuite.

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 14:04

Comefromaway · 14/07/2022 13:59

My son has autism. He needs en-suite for reasons related to that (he refused to use school toilets at all for example). The majority of university allocated accommodation has a process for this. My son was allowed (after sending evidence of his difficulties) to have priority booking for accommodation.

I'd advise you to start getting information together now. If your child hasn't been seen for a while you might need GP appointment. You can then apply for Disabled Students Allowance.

Show quote history

Thank you, I will do that.
Unfortunately our GP was useless and said they couldnt help (despite school reporting safeguarding concerns due to suicide threats). They did refer to Cahms but due to a long wait and then only the possibility of group therapy we went Private. Hopefully we will be able to get some sort of medical confirmation from someone.

Apologies for the derail OP