I honestly cannot cope with my 12 year old Daughter anymore.
She was such a kind, polite and well behaved child and now she's like a different person. She's screams and slams and kicks doors if she doesn't get her own way. She say the most awful things to me. She winds up her younger sister so much. I feel so bad on neighbours that they have to listen to her doing this. I'm terrified if they phone the police, and I don't blame them. The whole street has heard this today and I'm so embarrassed and drained of it. I've just cried in my room cause I can't bare to be around her anymore.
She has outburst like this once a month or so. They are horrible. It's usually when she has to clean her room. This started this morning because she's chucked a Teddy at her sister and it's smashed the glass out of her hand. So her phone has been taken away.
Her overall attitude is so entitled. She thinks she can take what she wants, when she wants. Shes talks to me like crap, calls me names. Nothing is going on in school, no bullying. Nothing has changed at all. She had counselling in school and there was nothing that raised concern for her to behave this way. No underlying issues. Me and her dad have tried so many things and we just feel like we are treading on eggshells all the time. She shares a room with her sister, as we can't afford a bigger home right now. We are saving but it will take some time. Her younger sister is having to come into our room at night as she will annoy her or wake her up and not leave her alone.
No matter what consequences we do, this is the end result. We have tried spending 1 to 1 time with her doing things she likes, she will end the day with a negative tone all the time.
We have gone through everything, even looked at our own parenting. Nothing is there to make her behaviour like this. We've been to the GP, school, counselling.
We are tired and so drained. I don't want to be around her right now. I want to drive my car somewhere far away and not come back to this. It's affected all of us in the house. My 9 year old does not want to be around her and I just want to walk away from it. Either that or I will self refer to social services as I can't keep living like this.
Sorry, I need to offload this to someone cause I'm just exhausted.
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I can't cope with My 12 year old DD anymore.
MrsPeaches · 19/06/2022 12:33
HollowTalk · 19/06/2022 12:37
One thing that struck me is that you say it's every month that she kicks off. Do you think this is hormonal changes? Would it be worth taking her to the doctor? I know it's really really hard for you to tolerate this but she must feel really awful being so angry all the time.
Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 19/06/2022 12:51
Teenagers are overgrown toddlers - remember that and treat them as such.
it sounds hormonal- the fact she doesn’t behave like that elsewhere I would take as a good sign . But she clearly needs the release somewhere.
she isn’t getting privacy in her own home( my eldest dc had to share until mid teens so no judgement there) and it does make it harder for them when they need that alone time to decompress.
if this is once a month behaviour then I really would stop pathologising the poor girl. She already feels shit as evidenced by the acting out. don’t now make her feel unloveable/ unlikeable.
I don’t excuse any behaviour but don’t react , don’t escalate and then firmly but calmly impose consequences . The lack of phone / gadget is a good one- you may need to impose it for longer than a day though. Solidarity - kids are lovely between 7&11 then the hormones kick in!
NoSquirrels · 19/06/2022 12:51
Is it constant, or is it once a month?
It sounds fairly ‘normal’ - not desirable, but not so awful you should be so drained by it. It’s not personal, she’s just turning into a teenager. If you’re confident there’s nothing else going on - no changes at school, no upheaval at home or with friends - then you just need to hold the line of not tolerating unacceptable name-calling or behaviour. Is she repentant afterwards? Does she calm down and can you discuss it when she’s not angry? Are there particular triggers for her behaviour?
Tentpegsandtantrums · 19/06/2022 12:57
Are you sure there isn’t something else going on? Sudden, significant behavioral changes can be a sign of a child being abused.
Snuffy28 · 19/06/2022 12:53
The idea of set pocket money is good. I would also establish strict boundaries - she loses some pocket money for even the slightest rudeness. If she follows up with door slamming, etc, then she loses more.
Even if she is hormonal, which she may very well be at her age, she needs to learn to control herself and stop making everyone unhappy.
Butterfly44 · 19/06/2022 12:55
This is the start of teenage hormones....it does get better!!! They are rough years...but stick to the boundaries!
Singleandproud · 19/06/2022 13:15
Does she do any sports or activities to challenge her energy? Girls rugby is a good one and gets out any angry or aggressive feelings in a positive way. Maybe a cadet group to promote responsibility, discipline etc maybe?
NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/06/2022 13:06
Dd is in sync with me so she’s learned to identify the symptoms. She hasn’t started her periods yet but she’ll come and ask if I’m due on because she’s feeling snappy and tearful. Identifying the reason has really helped Dd control it and ask for a hug. Dtds have now joined the cycle so I have had to explain to dh that his logical reasoning when it comes to discipline is not effective and they won’t necessarily be rational at these times so he needs to mind his phrasing… Fun times 😂
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