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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I Poured coffee over DC laptop

57 replies

Cocopogo · 03/03/2022 23:52

I lost the plot. DC 16 is lazy and selfish, they were fussing and deliberately knocked my coffee and spilt it when I was trying to sort out their laptop. I just picked it up and poured it on the laptop, no idea why I did it, I shocked myself. DC went crazy, shouting and crying, and threw my cup against wall, staining it etc. Laptop is broke. It’s such a mess, no idea how we got here, we used to have a great relationship.

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 03/03/2022 23:56

There must be a huge backstory for it to result in this situation.
I would recommend family therapy so you can work through your issues together in a space where you are both heard and there's someone outside of the situation who can mediate.

Original poster
Cocopogo · 03/03/2022 23:58

No big back story. DC has gradually become more selfish and lazy and it’s driving me mad.

OP posts:
daisydalrymple · 03/03/2022 23:59

In the short term, have you got house insurance? DH really did pour coffee over the laptop by mistake a few years ago. House insurance covered cost of a new one.

FAQs · 03/03/2022 23:59

Has it got school work on?

Original poster
Cocopogo · 04/03/2022 00:03

It probably isn’t worth putting my insurance premiums up for, I’m guessing a new one will be around £500. I think any school work is online not stored.

OP posts:
nomoremsniceperson · 04/03/2022 00:04

Is your DC addicted to the internet? I had a major screen addiction for a couple of years due to depression, it made my OH crazy at times. I think there might be something in the fact you vented your rage at the laptop; maybe you subconsciously identify it as the thing coming between you?

Alliswells · 04/03/2022 00:06

Well doesn't your house sound an absolute delight to live in!!!
Think you need to have a serious think about what you've done. You are meant to be the responsible adult

Mollymalone123 · 04/03/2022 00:10

I expect you must be at the end of your tether!Not ideal but no one is perfect- when mine were teens they could drive me to crying so I remember how it feels.Apologise once things have calmed down

Icanflyhigh · 04/03/2022 00:12

This won't help at all, but what a silly move. I did similar with DDs phone a while ago - smashed it in anger. So frustrating.

Daydreamsinsantafe · 04/03/2022 00:12

I think a really crazed mum outburst is good for them once in a while actually. This one not so much because it’s going to cost you but it’s done now.
This will definitely be part of their wedding speech.

Go to bed and don’t worry about it.

Notonetojudge · 05/03/2022 20:50

Why post? Other than to reassure the least perfect of us that we’re not alone. Grin
Not actually done this, but as @Daydreamsinsantafe

If I were you I’d get a replacement, an apology and move on.

Movingonup22 · 05/03/2022 20:53

Well - mn thinks it’s fine for mothers to do whatever I want but I think that’s clear cut violent and abusive.

If a husband did that to a wife (or child!) and she posted about it the response would be a resounding LTB

I struggle to see how you can complain about your dc behaviour when this is what you do!

Movingonup22 · 05/03/2022 20:54

Yep - knew it - read the replies - lots of crappy mothers saying how it’s totally fine and understandable to be a crappy mother. Quelle suprise.

Notonetojudge · 05/03/2022 20:55

Sorry, not sure what happened there, but I agree that sometimes seeing us as ‘human’ isn’t a bad thing.

DrWankincense · 05/03/2022 21:01

It's shit. You know it's shit but we are human and none of us perfect (apart from some of the posters on this thread evidently).
They do push to the absolute limits sometimes.
Use it as an opportunity to take a huge step back and think about 1) how to solve the laptop problem and more importantly 2) how to address the relationship issues going forward, it could be a turning point so try and make it into a positive one.

Susu49 · 05/03/2022 21:02

Even the Great Kirsty Allsopp smashed her kids ipads. Flowers

thunderandsunshine01 · 05/03/2022 21:05

@Movingonup22 we also might think you are one of those cr*p soft parenting style mothers too “oooo please don’t knock over my coffee sweetheart, I’m so awfully sorry poppit I’ll work harder to sort out the laptop”

OP don’t worry none of us are perfect, as illustrated by the PP. You are clearly at the end of your tether, teenagers are difficult. 16yo is not too far away from adulthood, and it will probably do them good to remember that you are human too with real feelings and emotions and not a mum-bot slave to help them thanklessly.

DSGR · 05/03/2022 21:06

They deliberately knocked over your coffee? I’d be furious.. might even have poured it over the laptop. They’re human, you’re human. We all lose it sometimes. I think talk about it tomorrow and work out a plan for how neither of your behave that way again

DrWankincense · 05/03/2022 21:07

I meant you could try and turn it into a more positive one..didn't mean to sound patronising

Movingonup22 · 05/03/2022 21:10

@thunderandsunshine01 - you think that anything that is not destroying your child’s property must be soft parenting?

I’m always intrigued by the mindset on threads is like this where the child’s behaviour is described as difficult but the exact same (or in this case worse!) behaviour is excused without a thought.

greenlynx · 05/03/2022 21:15

OP, I hope you not posting for a while means that you are sorting it with your DC. And I hope you’ve told them that you were wrong. They were not perfect either but you’ve clearly overreacted.

DrWankincense · 05/03/2022 21:18

Do you have teens @Movingonup22?
Only I could easily see myself in the same situation as OP when they continually push/you try and discuss or sanction behaviour and it wears you down.
So I'm genuinely interested in how others deal with this sort of behaviour.

tackling · 05/03/2022 21:20

I'm with some of the pp here in feeling that this isn't okay. I am possibly over-thinking of my own childhood, where my mum was volatile and bad tempered, and scared me a lot. But I do think no matter what, you're the grown up, you're supposed to be able to control yourself. Home is supposed to be somewhere you always feel safe.

So I think apologising is needed here, because you badly overreacted. Who knows, maybe it'll be some kind of turning point and one day you'll look back and laugh on it together.

Hippopotas · 05/03/2022 21:24

@Movingonup22

Well - mn thinks it’s fine for mothers to do whatever I want but I think that’s clear cut violent and abusive.

If a husband did that to a wife (or child!) and she posted about it the response would be a resounding LTB

I struggle to see how you can complain about your dc behaviour when this is what you do!

Agreed
Lampface · 05/03/2022 21:29

You need to buy a new one and apologise. Violence is not acceptable. My mother purposely smashed my laptop up with a broom when I was 14 - it is not a fun wedding story (not that she'll be attending), it was traumatic and upsetting to watch her lose control. Respectfully, you can't treat a child like that.