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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd lying about age

66 replies

Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 11:13

Just found out my dd 14 has been lying about her age to buy clothes online. The site she’s using says it’s over 18 only and you have to tick to confirm you’re over 18.
I’m happy with her biting her own clothes on line ;she gets an allowance) but not about her blatantly lying to me that she doesn’t lie about her age.
I know it’s not the end of world but had issues with her lying in the past and thought it had all stopped.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
rjacksmiss · 15/10/2021 11:16

Pick your battles.

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 11:22

I know I should - it’s the lying that gets to me.

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 15/10/2021 11:24

I wouldn't worry if it's just for clothes, I'm assuming she can't buy them without ticking that she's over 18.

If she's lying so she can speak to people online or accessing adult sites etc then worry about it.

MatildaIThink · 15/10/2021 11:25

@Sparkles56

Just found out my dd 14 has been lying about her age to buy clothes online. The site she’s using says it’s over 18 only and you have to tick to confirm you’re over 18. I’m happy with her biting her own clothes on line ;she gets an allowance) but not about her blatantly lying to me that she doesn’t lie about her age. I know it’s not the end of world but had issues with her lying in the past and thought it had all stopped. Any thoughts?
No site will let you buy online without being 18 or older, you need to be that age to legally enter into a contract, which is what online purchasing online. So either you want her to be able to buy online, or you don't.

Personally I don't really see ticking a box to say she is over 18 online as a blatantly lying issue, but I also would not be letting a 14yo have free reign online with a credit or debit card.

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 11:35

She just has a small allowance each month and uses her debit card to buy online.
I didn’t realise it was 18 just to buy clothes with a debit card? I understand it is with a credit account or to buy restricted items , but clothes?

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/10/2021 11:40

YABU.

If she was lying about her age and sleeping with someone, or buying adult stuff, or had a fake ID to get alcohol... Worry.

But she's buying clothes online... Chill.

00100001 · 15/10/2021 11:41

It's probably just to do with it being online.

Amazon etc all say under 18s should have parents involved etc.

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 11:45

She doesn’t have an Amazon account. Tbh I hadn’t realised that you were supposed to be over 18 to buy clothes online. Only only discovered it when I was about to sign up to a site she uses and saw the “confirm over 18” box

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 15/10/2021 11:49

@Sparkles56

She just has a small allowance each month and uses her debit card to buy online. I didn’t realise it was 18 just to buy clothes with a debit card? I understand it is with a credit account or to buy restricted items , but clothes?
It is not they payment method, payment methods have other restrictions (credit cards must be 18+ for example), for the young people debit cards the parent is technically the responsible party for example.

The sites will all impose their own restrictions on age, but because online selling is distance selling and has contract formation as part of it etc. it is much easier for most online retailers to apply a blanket ban on under 18s.

ForensicFlossy · 15/10/2021 12:03

This wouldn't bother me at all. Pick your battles.

Kitkat151 · 15/10/2021 12:04

Non issue

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 12:16

Thanks , I wish I could be more laid back about it. It’s the fact that I’ve told her before not to lie about her age online and she told me she hadn’t - when she clearly has

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/10/2021 12:21

but, there's lying about your age to buy clothes because of a tickbox on a shopping site and lying about your age to access inappropriate content.

Your daughter isn't trying to meet up with people, accessing pornography, looking at violent images, using dating apps, buying alcohol, cigarettes, vapes etc.

You're getting too upset about this. She probably doesn't even think of it as "lying about her age"

Honestly.? Lighten up. She's open with you about what she is doing online etc.

00100001 · 15/10/2021 12:23

But yes, technically she is lying. if you want to make an issue of it, then go ahead. make it a bad thing.

Or perhaps... just have a conversation about "oh wow, I never realised you had to be 18 to buy things online...i wonder why that is... do you reckon that X website does it too, maybe it's just this clothes website? Shall we take a look?"

HeyArnoldHey · 15/10/2021 12:25

Overreaction completely .

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 12:27

@00100001 thanks, that’s a really good idea 👍
Then when we realise she does have to be over 18, do I let her continue or stop.
I was fine with her buying stuff until l found out about the age limit. Maybe I could just ask her to let me know when she’s buying stuff?

OP posts:
Bibbetybobbity · 15/10/2021 12:28

Total non issue…

nameisnotimportant · 15/10/2021 12:29

Yes total overreaction. You are just going to push her away. Teenagers and adults lie all the time, it's a bit unrealistic to tell her not to ever lie. If she was doing something dangerous then maybe bring it up but you need to try and learn to let things go sometimes.

ittakes2 · 15/10/2021 12:37

My daughter asks me if she can buy something and I say yes so she ticks a box - honestly if she has permission to buy the clothes I don't really see it as lying. Unless you are saying she is buy adult only type clothes.

ittakes2 · 15/10/2021 12:38

And sorry if she has lied in the past you might want to work out why - it sounds like she might be avoiding telling you the truth because of your reaction to things and she avoiding confrontation with you.

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 12:42

@ittakes2 thanks. I think this is what I’ll do. Agree to her buying, but just tell me when she is.

OP posts:
Redhotchilis · 15/10/2021 12:50

@Sparkles56

She just has a small allowance each month and uses her debit card to buy online. I didn’t realise it was 18 just to buy clothes with a debit card? I understand it is with a credit account or to buy restricted items , but clothes?
I'd be careful letting her use a debit card online. You are open to fraud and won't be covered by your bank if someone empties the account.

Always use a credit card for online purchases. If someone gets hold of your card details, you should be covered (if it's Mastercard, visa etc). Obviously she can't have her own credit card yet so you'll have to buy the things for her (or use your PayPal account).

Original poster
Sparkles56 · 15/10/2021 12:52

@Redhotchilis it’s her own debit card for her account. She doesn’t have much in the account so there’s no much to empty. Her using the card doesn’t worry me

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 15/10/2021 12:54

I expect she didn’t tell you because she thought you would massively overreact.

Which you have.

Viviennemary · 15/10/2021 12:54

At first I thought it wasn't a big deal. But is the card in your name or just hers. There may be implications if she ticks the 18 box if she is 14. I agree you may not be covered for fraud or refunds.