And today I'm officially DONE

[BuggerThisForALark]

Told to shut up by my teenage son last night, having spent the whole afternoon of my 'day off' cleaning his filthy room, I am done. (Who puts the remains of their packed lunch in their underwear drawer? It was OLD) I realise that this is mild to what some people have to put up with, but I'm at the end of my rope.

My husband sat completely mute and offered no support and so that is IT. I've got two mid teen kids, I'm not being an unpaid slave to them any longer. I'm their mum. Surely they can appreciate what I do enough to be even civil?

My husband says I have a temper and I resort to shouting. When I've asked someone to do a 30 second job for four or five DAYS and it's still not been done, I've got nowhere to go but shout. There is no punishment that works and my husband wont support me suspending their phone contracts.

I'm so cross, I've put all son's washing in a black bag in his room and told him that it's now up to him. I'll make sure his uniform is clean, but apart from that, he's on his own. They do virtually nothing, spend HOURS on their devices and bicker over who empties which half of the dishwasher, this drives me so mad I end up doing even that myself. When I say do nothing, I mean they don't even close cupboard doors, remains of food are just left where they sat with them, fruit peel desiccates behind beds, crisp packets are tucked behind furniture, I have to clean the toilet before I use it. I can't keep the house even reasonable without feeling like I'm doing nothing else. I work almost full time and study on the side.

Today I can't even take off for some alone time as my husband can't currently drive due to a health problem and so I'm also their only transport.

I swear I will never iron their stuff again and it they want socks, they can sort the massive basket full that is ALWAYS my job. I don't care that it's petty.

Husband now expects me to make a list of jobs I want doing and he'll allocate them tasks. So he helps by giving me another job to do.

Moan over. Thank you for your time.

Yes, get that thing about having a rotten time...
but then surely mums have had a rotten time too?

Yes totally agree Beigebrownblue. Many of my friends the same age with teens are totally worn down and struggling with the fact they are meant to be feeling better now the world is (sort of) "getting back to normal" but they have nothing left to give. Their husbands (funnily enough ) having not borne the brunt of lockdown cooking and cleaning, are energised and getting frustrated with them for not feeling the same way. I know this doesn't apply to all men, and all relationships, but quite a few.

Like PP have said, tell your DH to make the list and tell the children. Agree with him what the consequences will be and that he will back you up. Sit down with them and lay it out. Then stick to it.

The problem is that women do what needs doing and become martyrs, which is not a great way to be with seething resentment and understandably short fuses.

If you shout at someone they may well respond by saying "shut up".
Why clean their rooms.? It is their problem if they want to live in a cesspit. Mine did. I decided it wasn't worth screaming over. I'd rather have teens who are lazy and entitled but engage with me long-term and ultimately become less lazy and entitled because they've grown up. I never sort their clothes I never in a million years iron them. It's their problem not mine. I also don't give them lifts.
We all get on very well nowadays, partly because they are independent and do their own thing, not MY thing.

I could have been writing this! This is EXACTY my ds and dh. He does absolutely nothing to make ds be respectful to me or others, clean up after him, pick up, put clothes in basket when I’ve said it for the 30th time … I’m so sick to death of it all. He will literally fix computers, throw money at him when asked, run him and the pals around. Basically be the pal whereas I’m the baddie. Now due to him never disciplining him in any way we had an incident last week where i said right you want to be independent you can start by getting yourself up and out to school bus on time. He’s 15! .. every single day he has 3 alarms going and going and going driving me bloody nuts and he insists he can’t hear any of them. So I said I’ve had enough, get yourself up. Eventually ds who is working from home decided to remind ME he was sleeping in for school. I said the above to him to which he decided to bring out the big voice, standing over him to make him get up. He refused to get up for school, said he felt ill. He had a cold. Got a test done - had a cold. Then dh told him to hand over the mobile phone, he wouldn’t, so dh decided it would be clever to grab the phone off him to which ds shot io, shoved him across the room, and was screaming at him. I told him he needed to calm down and told ds to get out and do the same. This kind of thing has not happened since he was 8. I’m the one who grounds, tells him phone is going off, don’t touch computer, no money etc.. ds nothing. Then this happens when he feels it’s the right time to step in.
If he’d helped me in the first place teach out son and parent him to realise respect, kindness and responsibility we wouldn’t have had this problem now.

I'd have gone out for the day. With the internet router and all the tv remotes in the boot of the car.....

My mum used to take the tv cables when she blew a gasket and disappeared for a few hours. 😉 We only had one tv so simple but effective solution and we were in no way AT ALL as bad as you describe here.

Hope you've had a nice day to yourself somewhere and not spent it clearing up. Suspect you have though. Some useful tips

I'd rather have teens who are lazy and entitled but engage with me long-term and ultimately become less lazy and entitled because they've grown up.

No, sorry, entitled lazy people do not grow out of it, they change when other people put the boundaries and enforce limits you did not as a parent.

Some remain entitled and lazy for life, your children may be, it is just that it is their partners and co workers putting up with that these days not you.

I hear you and I thank you for making me feeling somewhat normal this morning. It's soul destroying and what makes it even worse is the lack of support from your husband, Mine is the same, says I lose the rag and shout. He will literally let them away with murder to avoid any conflict because his head can't take it. I have 2 teenage daughters who have cures for ebola growing in their rooms if I don't clean them. I run my own business and am run ragged. I feel so let down by them all and could actually swing for my husband because he is as much use as a pair of chocolate sunglasses. He intervenes when I chastise them, he doesn't follow through on punishments, he gives out to me in front of them. All we ever fight about is the kids and it causes dreadful discord between us. Some days I feel like getting in my car, pointing it in a general direction and keep driving and never come back and leave the messy, disrespectful little bleeders to their squalor and fighting. I often wonder how different things would be if I had been a single mother.
Thank you for sharing, it's good to know others are in the same boat, it's so upsetting.