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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DDs first job is turning into a mess

84 replies

PerspicaciaTick · 09/09/2021 23:54

DD has been offered her first ever job. She is thrilled as she's been applying for some time, but it is starting to feel like a huge mess which will impact every member of the family and not in a good way.
She will working 8 hours a week, spread over 3 evenings and Saturday morning. As a 17yo she will be earning a little over £40 a week.
She is studying for 3 A-levels plus a GCSE next summer.
The job means that she will have to change her transport arrangements to school and will no longer be able to travel with her friends at all.
It also means that 3 evenings a week, I will need to finish work on the dot to get her from the station to her job as there is not enough time for her to walk ... No wiggle room and no allowance made for when I need to work in other districts.
She won't be able to eat with the family and so we will start having to run 2 meal times.
No more socialising after school with friends
No after school activities.
I suspect that it will affect her school work as tight travel times on public transport are going to be hugely stressful.
My petrol costs are going to be considerable plus I have just changed my hours to work full time and was looking forward to a change of priorities where 17yo DD was responsible for getting herself to and from school.
Now all I can see is all the additional pressure and sacrifice for us both...for very little money.
Should I advise her that I don't think this is the right job for her right now, or would that be selfish. I'd happily give her the money Is be saving on petrol while she looks for a job that is a better fit.
I feel like I'm being really shitty. I've spent 6 months helping her apply for jobs and now she has one I don't think it is feasible. I wish businesses were more up front about what they want instead of pushing candidates through multiple interviews before changing the location and the shift pattern at the last minute.

OP posts:

m00rfarm · 09/09/2021 23:57

It simply doesn’t work. Either she passes her driving test and gets a car or she finds a different job.

Justajot · 10/09/2021 00:00

I'd ditch it, but I don't see a job at 17 as a priority unless you (as a family) are struggling. Studying is her real job at the moment. £5 an hour is a pittance. I'd ditch it and give her the petrol money. Maybe put some study based conditions on it that make £5 an hour.

Original poster

PerspicaciaTick · 10/09/2021 00:01

It was supposed to be helping her pay for driving lessons 🙁. I think you are right.

OP posts:

OctaviaTriangle · 10/09/2021 00:03

I think I'd ask her to help out in the house for a few hours a week and chuck her the 40 quid for doing so.

And I'd continue to do that until a better job came along . So you've taken the sting out of saying this just isn't going to work but making it clear you still expect her to keep looking for the right little job

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 10/09/2021 00:03

It's 3 nights...why does this impact how she gets to school?

Why make a big fuss of two meal times? Just save her a bit for later :/

Etinox · 10/09/2021 00:04

Definitely not worth it.
Can she babysit, dog walk? Mine were rich as teenagers then didn’t work during University Term time just flat out over the summers. Studying and low paid jobs are a tough juggle.

ACloseMatch · 10/09/2021 00:05

Getting the best results she can in her exams should be her job just now unless she really needs to be earning. Maybe some volunteering so she has referees for the future and something to put on UCAS/work application forms.

KangarooSally · 10/09/2021 00:07

It is worth it. It will be easier for her to get a job during university or after if she has something on her CV plus a reference. She'll learn responsibility, doing what is asked and turning up on time. Think of it like paying for her to do an after school activity that develops her as a person, but it only costs what you pay in petrol and DD gets some money for driving lessons.

Original poster

PerspicaciaTick · 10/09/2021 00:07

It impacts getting to school because she currently travels by train which allows her meet with her friends and travel flexibly after school. To get to work in time she would need to catch the bus instead of the train. I'm not paying for a season ticket on the train and a season ticket on the bus, so she will be traveling to school by bus too.

OP posts:

Elouera · 10/09/2021 00:14

Am I correct that she is only working 2hr shifts? Could she cut 1-2 of the weekday shifts and just do a longer saturday?

Surely you both looked at the transport/public transport options before even applying for this job?

You come across as very negative. Surely she can still eat with the family every other night, and just re-heat a meal for herself when she comes in from work?

Why can't she socialise with friends the nights of the week she isn't working?

Many of us had part-time jobs from age 14, and still managed full time school, then uni, a social and a family life.

Kite22 · 10/09/2021 00:21

I wouldn't worry about the eating - they just heat up whatever you have had when they come in.

However I wouldn't be rearranging my life to drive her there.
When my dc started work, they had to understand that travel to and from there was their own responsibility, and cost, to come out of what they earned. Once they were working, I do sometimes help them out with lifts, but they understand I will do that when it works for me and they can't rely on that.

Sometimes our teens have to try things for themselves to realise what you are saying is true.
My ds had a job in 6th form which he didn't particularly enjoy, BUT it was on his way home from school (walking), for 50 mins x 4 evenings after school and then 6 hours on a Sat, but not starting until 10am, and the boss was very generous with him having Saturdays off for his hobby when he needed. He was then offered another job, which was in the City centre. He kept being offered 4 hours shifts. By the time he factored in train fare and time for travel, he was losing 6 hours for about 2.5 hours pay. I pointed it out to him before he switched jobs, but he had to actually do it (with his own money and time) to realise I might have been right, and the first job wasn't so bad after all.

So I'd say - up to you if you want to give it a try BUT you have to work out how you are going to get there, and decide if it is worth it financially.

Sunndown · 10/09/2021 00:25

It does sound inconvenient. I wonder why it's so difficult for a teenager to find work where you live? With EU workers going back to the EU and employers favouring those on a low minimum wage, I've seen a lot of adverts in cafe windows. My DD is 16 and has recently started her first paid job, working 10 hours a week (2 evenings). It's a little inconvenient, to be honest, but she gets so much out of it. She's buzzing with the job satisfaction - after a few weeks they gave her a bonus after a couple of very busy shifts, and she was thrilled. She's learning lots of useful skills (eg operating the cash machine, taking phone orders, using the coffee machine, talking to customers). She's gaining a lot of confidence. I think it'll make it much easier for her to find work when she's at university, especially if they give her a good reference to take with her.
So if there's nothing else available, I'd let her do it. For the experience and reference rather than the money, though it's nice for a teenager to have her own money.

Original poster

PerspicaciaTick · 10/09/2021 00:33

The job she applied for was office-based near her school and they said shifts would evenings or all day Saturday/Sunday.
The job she had been offered is working from home, 2 hour shifts, 4 days a week as they don't need her in the office and don't need weekend cover any more.
She will struggle to socialise as she will need to catch up on study time on the nights she isn't working. It would be nice if she had a chance to do some fun stuff with her friends having missed so many opportunities the last year or so.

OP posts:

Original poster

PerspicaciaTick · 10/09/2021 00:38

Thank you all, I think I need to be a bit tougher with her about the help I can realistically give her but support her decision if she wants to give it a go despite the cons.

OP posts:

Plumtree391 · 10/09/2021 00:45

@Justajot

I agree with Justajob, op. It sounds like a heck of a lot of hassle for very little though I do appreciate that job experience and her willingness to work are commendable.

Let's hope, if it is that important to her, your daughter will find another job for which the logistics are easier to navigate. However at her age she doesn't actually need paid employment, she will be in the world of work soon enough. Her A levels are far more important.

twinningatlife · 10/09/2021 00:51

Why would her working from home have such an impact? I'm confused

stevalnamechanger · 10/09/2021 01:10

@Justajot

Lol. Have you met 18-22 year olds who have zero experience of the world of work?

Not great .

RainbowMum11 · 10/09/2021 01:17

I worked from the age of 14, but always had to get myself there & back (& I did 3 part time jobs during my a-levels and it didn't affect my study but it did help my work ethic).
I walked, used buses, rode my bike, occasionally got lifts with other people who worked there or close by until I learnt to drive - it is up to her to make her arrangements to get to/from work, it is part of the responsibility.

MorriseysGladioli · 10/09/2021 01:20

I was going to suggest she gets a moped, but it'll make a mess going to work on it if she's working from home.

PaulGallico · 10/09/2021 08:46

Is she being very fussy about the type of job? I ask because I do not know many young people of your daughters age with an office based job. Most do all and everything to earn a bit of cash. My DD worked in a cafe, as a lifeguard, in a supermarket - not big money but £10 an hour in the end.(now at uni with pt job) It sounds as if you are all overthinking this and everyone is having to compromise for very little return - this in itself is not a good life lesson.

poorbuthappy · 10/09/2021 08:50

Minimum wage for 16-17 year olds is £4.52.
If it's not on your doorstep and walkable and it's short shifts it's not feasible.

GU24Mum · 10/09/2021 08:51

I've got a DD the same age and have said that if the job is a hassle for me then it won't work. A bit of help is one thing but upending lots of arrangements for £40 a week really isn't worth it especially if she's doing A Levels or similar this year.

NoSquirrels · 10/09/2021 08:55

So you’ll need to make sure she’s driven from the station to home 3x days a week on the dot to be on the computer at X o’clock?

In and of itself it doesn’t sound onerous. But it puts a burden on you, and as an adult we don’t take jobs we can’t get ourselves to and from without inconveniencing other people - and their jobs. As you say, she’s not a younger child who needs you to arrange your employment around her needs any more, you’ve done your years of that impacting on your job.

I’d also say that, for a first job, WFH is not that great. She needs something where she can meet new people in a different environment.

I’d let her do it if she can figure out the transport issue - if she can’t do that without you then she needs to renegotiate shifts (a later start time, longer shifts?) and if she can’t do that then she should say it won’t work and look for another job.

I’d let the two mealtimes thing go, that’s a non-problem.

Soontobe60 · 10/09/2021 08:56

I think you’d appear to be more supportive if you tell her you’re a bit worried about the timings but suggest she gives it a go to see how it will affect her (and you!). That way you’re not preventing her doing what she wants in the short term, whilst also letting her find out for herself just how difficult this job will make her life.

Orangesandlemons82 · 10/09/2021 08:57

I'm confused. The work is from home? What's the problem then?

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