DDs first job is turning into a mess

[PerspicaciaTick]

DD has been offered her first ever job. She is thrilled as she's been applying for some time, but it is starting to feel like a huge mess which will impact every member of the family and not in a good way.
She will working 8 hours a week, spread over 3 evenings and Saturday morning. As a 17yo she will be earning a little over £40 a week.
She is studying for 3 A-levels plus a GCSE next summer.
The job means that she will have to change her transport arrangements to school and will no longer be able to travel with her friends at all.
It also means that 3 evenings a week, I will need to finish work on the dot to get her from the station to her job as there is not enough time for her to walk ... No wiggle room and no allowance made for when I need to work in other districts.
She won't be able to eat with the family and so we will start having to run 2 meal times.
No more socialising after school with friends
No after school activities.
I suspect that it will affect her school work as tight travel times on public transport are going to be hugely stressful.
My petrol costs are going to be considerable plus I have just changed my hours to work full time and was looking forward to a change of priorities where 17yo DD was responsible for getting herself to and from school.
Now all I can see is all the additional pressure and sacrifice for us both...for very little money.
Should I advise her that I don't think this is the right job for her right now, or would that be selfish. I'd happily give her the money Is be saving on petrol while she looks for a job that is a better fit.
I feel like I'm being really shitty. I've spent 6 months helping her apply for jobs and now she has one I don't think it is feasible. I wish businesses were more up front about what they want instead of pushing candidates through multiple interviews before changing the location and the shift pattern at the last minute.

Can she negotiate the hours? How much longer does it take for her to walk home? This I see as the main issue.

Can't you all eat after she has finished? or she warms it up.

Socialising - well yes she will miss out on other stuff, there are only so many hours in a day.

Indeed some kids do not get any type of job until they graduate. And there is a massive issue at the moment of young people being utterly unemployable. I know someone who has a government contract trying to help these kids into work. The stories he tells are unbelievable. So getting DD some work experience is brilliant.

That much pressure and impact on your life for £40 for her is not worth it. It's sad, but it's not what was advertised so she'll have to look for something else.

And please do let her, kids need to get out and understand that perspective of life asap. You can tell the ones that haven't when they hit the work place.

How much would a bus pass cost if that is all that is needed?

@diddl

How much would a bus pass cost if that is all that is needed?

Good point.

You can come to an agreement with her on the bus pass or train pass. I’d rather pay for the bus pass than disrupt my work schedule and pay the extra petrol.

So offer to either

a) pay 100% of the bus pass she needs to get home independently for work or 100% of the train pass - she chooses

b) 50% of each

c) loan her 100% of extra bus pass to be repaid on a regular basis

@Escapetothecatshome

personally I wouldn't do anything after a week or two she will come to the same conclusion you have and realise it's not really worth the hassle.

Agree with this. Let her work it out for herself and learn from her mistakes, let go the apron strings. Do not pay her from the household budget to not-work, that's no life lesson.

I feel you're being too negative, much of that doesn't need to be seen as important problem. To compare to our situation....

DS has a train pass we paid for; he pays for his bus fare to get to work 2-3 evenings a week (me or DH pick him up since bus doesn't run after 6pm, 6 miles not realistic for him to walk). I agreed to transport him that much as long as he mostly (can cycle from home) gets himself to/from work.

Social life & activities: her choice to sacrifice.

We cook tea (vegetables) and put in oven for DS to have with his take-away haul (he gets leftovers at end of shift). No 2nd meal sitting. Just chat to him while he reheats.

DS isn't succeeding at A-levels so I am pleased he is successful at his paid job.

On the face of it YANBU and she needs to find a job that she can get herself from/to without inconveniencing you. However, you also say "She won't be able to eat with the family and so we will start having to run 2 meal times" which seems a way over the top comment to me. Surely it's not running two meal times, it's simply she gets something herself when she gets in or reheats what you've left. I think you need to be firm you can't be there with a car and won't pay train and bus costs (just one of them) but support her wanting to work otherwise.

Most under 18s don't work nowadays. If you can afford not to - then don't. Education comes first and let this be a life lesson - can you give her the £40 a week?
The past is a different time, it was very different in the 80s etc

Where are you getting those figure from? All my dc worked in the 6th form (my youngest is 19, so this is all in the last few years).

Obviously that is anecdotal, but they also worked with other U18s and friends of their worked and my friends dc worked. Very commonly on zero hours contracts which are great for picking up extra shifts when you want them(eg school holidays) and not picking up shifts when you don't (eg assessment weeks / mocks / exam periods), when the company understands the benefits of running zero contract hours well.

Who cares what most teenagers are and aren't doing? Working as a teenager has so many advantages. DD is 16 and works with 2 other people. One of the others is the manager and the other is 16 or 17 too.
The other day I got a takeaway and was served by a 13 year old boy - good for him.

And yes, lots of DD's school friends work at cafes, restaurants and takeaways.

For 8 hours a week it would make more sense for her to get a Saturday job all day. Doing 3 short shifts with all the hassle and expense that entails is pointless. Well done to her for getting the job offer but after looking at the logistics this isnt the one.

There will be lots of temporary Xmas opportunities coming up soon, so she’ll have lots of other options. No need to stitch you all up with this one.

DP’s DD has just got a job doing two shifts at a restaurant. They’re the two days he’s normally with me, so now he’s rearranging our days to make sure he’s at home to take and collect her. My DS works down the road, walks himself to work and back. No impact on anyone but him. For me, if getting a job relies on someone else to ferry you about, plus changing your school transport, and potentially ruining your social life, it’s not worth the aggro!

@OctaviaTriangle

I think I'd ask her to help out in the house for a few hours a week and chuck her the 40 quid for doing so.

And I'd continue to do that until a better job came along . So you've taken the sting out of saying this just isn't going to work but making it clear you still expect her to keep looking for the right little job

This is what I’d do.

And yes a Saturday job all day is far more reasonable.
I did one shift a week at McDonald’s at sixth form which worked well.

She’s a teenager sitting her GCSE’s. Had 2 years of her young life stolen by a pandemic. And you want her to go through all this hassle?
If the job is inconvenient don’t take it. Her generation will be working until they drop dead, so let them enjoy what little time they have left. If you’re concerned about her CV she can always do some volunteering etc but there’s plenty of time for that in university.

Also to add I’ve worked with lots of apprentices and school leavers , many better than ‘adults’ who are always looking for ways to not do their work. If your child is well brought up time management etc is not a gigantic new lesson that needs to be taught

I think your just putting barriers up here. I think having a first job is a real opportunity for learning some valuable skills unique to a working environment. I had a job at school working in a nursing home doing laundry. I got myself there and back on the bus. It may have impacted my social life with school friends but I still have a few friends I made in that work place, along with a lot of fond memories. The work was shite (literally), and the pay appalling but it gave me a real sense of achievement earning my own money and in the school holidays I took up extra shifts and moved about the place as I got older (cleaning, kitchen, care work). I know from my families/friends older kids they have very little work ethic, bank of mum and dad and think parents are a taxi service. Let her take the job if she wants it, put her tea aside to reheat, help her make plans to get herself there and back if it's a hassle for you. If she hates it, tell her to stick it out whilst she works her notice as you never know who knows who, when your gonna need an opportunity again and you don't want it to reflect on a reference. I'd be made up she's making an effort to be independent.

So she needs to get a bus too and from school instead of a train with her friends?I travelled to and from school by myself as no friends lived my way.
I don't really see that as an issue. The meal time thing.... she's working 2 hours!!From home!! Prepares your meal as usual and she can re heat or cook when she finishes!
I don't agree with people saying that at 17 their job is to study!
They need life experience alongside that.
The students I have met in my job you can tell which ones have worked and which ones haven't.
Can your daughter not explain to the work place that she applied for the job as it was near school and would struggle getting home in time to start work? There maybe other options.
If not keep applying for other jobs, hospitality in general are crying out for staff

Most under 18s don't work nowadays.

That surprised me, but seems to be true. Only 44% are participating in employment.

I wonder if is class-dependent. DC & most their friends have mostly had paid work at age 16-18.

@lljkk

Most under 18s don't work nowadays.

That surprised me, but seems to be true. Only 44% are participating in employment.

I wonder if is class-dependent. DC & most their friends have mostly had paid work at age 16-18.

Those stats don't count cash in hand. Of which a LOT are 16-18 year olds. You'd be amazed at how many kids are payed in cash at pubs/restaurants/cafes or while assisting gardeners/clearance and the like.

Explain what you have said here, if she objects, she will need to find a way to get there and back.

Teaching young people that work is awful and they should put off working for as long as possible may not be the best life lesson?
As I've said, My DD is buzzing with her first paid job (she's volunteered in the past). She really enjoys the challenge and team work and the achievement of making her own money. This will stand her in such good stead in the future.

That's great for your daughter, Sunndown, but not all teenagers can cope with part time work and studies. I wouldn't have had the confidence to go to work, it was hard enough when I left school and had to. However I improved later on and eventually managed to build a career.

My son was 14 when he got a part time job (Saturday and holidays), with no pushing from us; he was fortunate that he found something that matched his interests and he got a lot out of it, apart from supplementing his allowance.

The op's daughter needs to give priority to her A level studies and the job the op has described sounds like too much trouble for very little reward.

2 hour shifts are ridiculous. Has she tried McDonalds? Idk if they’re all the same but I know lots of kids who’ve worked at our local one and have had either a 5 or 10 hour contract and can pretty much pick and choose shifts and get extras when they want. They help you transfer to another restaurant if you go away to uni and I know some people who slotted right back in when they come home for the holidays

I agree that those shifts aren't practical.

Ds worked in retail and did one 4 hour shift mid-week and 4 hours on a Saturday or Sunday (that's the limit before you have to give a break)

Dd did a full day on Saturday or Sunday (8 hours)

That sounds terrible. She needs a straightforward weekend job.