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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenager won't get a part time job

69 replies

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 13:44

My 17 year old is doing A levels. When I was her age, everyone, including me, had a part time job. She has half-heartedly applied for a handful of positions but there has always been something 'wrong' with the job - she doesn't want to work there, it's too many hours, too early, too late.

Now, she has been offered an interview with one of the better companies and she is refusing to go. I helped her a lot with her application and her CV and I feel as if my efforts have been thrown back in my face.

I wouldn't mind if she were really studious but, most of the time I see her, she is on her phone or listening to music, not studying so she does have time, which she claims not to have.

I think a job would ground her. At the moment, she is very chaotic and disorganised. Also, she has expensive tastes. She wouldn't use own brand shampoo, for example, she has to have the premium brands costing £6+ and she gets through one bottle a week. She also has me buying her make-up and giving her money when she meets up with friends. She likes buying new clothes as well.

I have told her all of this is stopping and Bank of Mum is firmly closed as is Mum's taxi (I don't think she has ever hopped on a bus or walked more than 5 mins up the road).

She is saying I can't make her get a job, which is true, and that many of her friends don't have one and their parents just give them money.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 09/09/2021 13:46

No advice. My 17 year old is the same. Absolutely infuriating.

FAQs · 09/09/2021 13:49

Don’t fund her other than essentials, my 17 has a job, she wasn’t keen to start but enjoys it one, it’s only Saturdays but gives her money, she mainly wanted it though so she can build a CV and to include it in her Uni application is needed.

FAQs · 09/09/2021 13:49

She is also a A-Level student.

FAQs · 09/09/2021 13:50

Excuse my grammar, Dyslexic but also tired today which makes it worse!

myheartskippedabeat · 09/09/2021 13:51

Tell her to that you are stopping buying fancy shampoo and makeup and that if she wants anything she has to earn the money snd next time she runs out of shampoo go to the pound shop

If she says she's meeting a friend on Saturday don't give her any money

She has to learn and she has no motivation while you just keep buying for her

My daughter is 5 (nearly 6) and she helps me set the table, makes the beds, checks the toilet paper, helps put away shopping and tidies her room and if this is all done then she has her pocket money on a Saturday and we go and we get a treat and if she wants something more expensive she saves it until the next week I never advance it

If 5/6 year old girls get this concept why can't a 17 year old???

Mojoj · 09/09/2021 13:52

Well that's an easy one - stop funding her. See how quick she's gets up off her lazy arse and finds a job.

9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 13:53

That is what I intend to do from now. I just need some strength to stop her from wearing me down. At the moment, it's easy because I am so angry

OP posts:
SouthOfFrance · 09/09/2021 13:53

Be firm & don't pay for non-essential items.

If you said she was busy studying then I'd say fair enough, but if she's not putting in the effort there then it's reasonable to expect her to take a part time job to fund items she particularly wants.

Ohsoquietchange · 09/09/2021 13:54

The fancy stuff stops, basic shampoo yes…. You set a monthly allowance for her and that’s it. Tenner a week so £40 a month and she budgets. She will soon realise she will run out of money and can’t do what she wants.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/09/2021 13:55

So she's been "indulged" for the last 17 years - you're giving her money when she asks, drive her everywhere, let her dictate what you buy etc and now you're confused why she won't just go "OK , I'll fend for myself now Mom"?

Buy the shampoo that you want. Make it clear make up will be brought for Xmas or Birthdays but not beyond that. Stop giving her money whenever she asks so either ab agreed amount per week or a chores list of how to achieve it.

Personally I'd tell her I'm cropping what I pY for when she's 18 so she's got time to adjust

CaptSkippy · 09/09/2021 13:56

@9ofpentangles

That is what I intend to do from now. I just need some strength to stop her from wearing me down. At the moment, it's easy because I am so angry
Is there a way you can tag-team with your partner? Holding firm might be easier if you have each other for emotional support and are absolutely on the same line.
9ofpentangles · 09/09/2021 14:00

Yes, he is with me on this. I am usually the soft one so no problems there. Sometimes, he can be overly tough, which makes me feel sorry for her. I tell him he needs to calm down just a bit so we can both be on the same page.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 09/09/2021 14:00

Tell her you are funding only the basics, and if she wants money to go out she needs to earn it.

balzamico · 09/09/2021 14:01

Would it help you to be stronger if you realise that it's actually going to help her long term as indulging her won't? My dds social anxiety and general disorganisation has been helped enormously by working and she also has more in common with her mates, (not all of whom work).
If she wants nice things and a social life she has to earn, and by the way, £6 a week on shampoo???? Pound shop sell an Alberto Balsam Apple one that dd loves - she washes her hair daily and still takes a few weeks to get through a bottle.

Cheesewiz · 09/09/2021 14:01

stick to your guns! When she asked for a lift, tell her the bus or train timetable. Buy her the essentials, food and toiletries but no more make up, clothes or expensive shampoo. When she asks for money to meet her friends, tell her she needs to get a job if she wants spending money to out with friends. Be strong!

Fandangoes · 09/09/2021 14:03

Absolutely STOP funding more than the basics! You are doing her no favours. At some point in her life she is going to have to stand on her own 2 feet and budget , hope can we expect the next generation to be able to do that if they have never been exposed to learning the value for money and had everything handed to them for no effort.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/09/2021 14:04

You've never made her take the bus, walk places or save up and earn to buy her own expensive stuff?
You've spoiled her. This will be a very difficult transition but you need to do it. Don't weaken.

PieMistee · 09/09/2021 14:05

Jesus of course she is not working. Just stop funding her. My 16 year old has a basic allowance for buses, clothes (not uniform or shoes or coat) of £35a week. they can use the family shampoo I give nothing more. Amazingly after a couple of months they got a crappy job.

wheresmymojo · 09/09/2021 14:05

My parents were super clear that once I turned 16 I'd only get essentials bought for me, no pocket money.

If I wanted something, I had to work for it.

I'll definitely be doing the same with my DC.

TheyreTheSamePicture · 09/09/2021 14:06

I was a pretty lazy teen in some ways but I did always have a job - waitress at 14-15, supermarket at 16. Loads of my friends from 6th form worked there too so it was actually really good fun.

My mum didn’t charge me any rent or anything but I bought all my own shoes/clothes/school equipment etc from that age (as well as petrol/insurance when I got a old banger at 18), although she would buy me something like a winter coat/boots which would be part of my Christmas present

Fandangoes · 09/09/2021 14:06

my DS was very late to getting a job whereas my DD had a pt job from 14, but he didn't NEED money, he didnt want expensive things or money to go out etc so had no reason to work! It was very frustrating but then eventually at 17 he started going out with his friends more and his pocket money for household chores wasnt enough to fund Nandos on repeat. He is less outgoing than his sister and worried about having to speak to people but I picked him up from his first shift and he was absolutely buzzing, he couldnt believe how much he had enjoyed it and wished he'd done it sooner!! If I'm honest the novelty has kind of worn off now but he's used to having the extra cash now so happy to keep up the shifts

Cuddlypinkcat · 09/09/2021 14:07

Fund the basics, agree on when you'll taxi her and when you won't.
I wouldn't just stop completely. Is she in her A level year?

ericaandfamily · 09/09/2021 14:08

I didn't get a choice 😂 my parents are beautiful inside and out, I was spoiled with love, affection, money, anything you can wish for but I was told I was getting a job to be able to contribute towards my own lifestyle (seeing friends, cinema, going to pub, make up, hairdressers) when I started college and that's what I did. I did college 3 days a week full time and worked 3 days. I don't know how I would push this but it was something my parents did because I would have been happy having 4 days off and just going to college.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/09/2021 14:09

Well, you are being taken for a bit of a mug here arent you. Where is the motivation to earn anything if the bank of mum and dad is funding her pricy preferences?

Northernsoullover · 09/09/2021 14:09

We didn't have a lot when I was growing up. Mu mum gave me pocket money but if I wanted 'stuff' I had to get a job. I see you are going to stop accommodating her expensive tastes so that is a good plan. My son doesn't work but his Disney dad lines his pocket. I refuse to.

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