Teenager won't get a part time job

[9ofpentangles]

My 17 year old is doing A levels. When I was her age, everyone, including me, had a part time job. She has half-heartedly applied for a handful of positions but there has always been something 'wrong' with the job - she doesn't want to work there, it's too many hours, too early, too late.

Now, she has been offered an interview with one of the better companies and she is refusing to go. I helped her a lot with her application and her CV and I feel as if my efforts have been thrown back in my face.

I wouldn't mind if she were really studious but, most of the time I see her, she is on her phone or listening to music, not studying so she does have time, which she claims not to have.

I think a job would ground her. At the moment, she is very chaotic and disorganised. Also, she has expensive tastes. She wouldn't use own brand shampoo, for example, she has to have the premium brands costing £6+ and she gets through one bottle a week. She also has me buying her make-up and giving her money when she meets up with friends. She likes buying new clothes as well.

I have told her all of this is stopping and Bank of Mum is firmly closed as is Mum's taxi (I don't think she has ever hopped on a bus or walked more than 5 mins up the road).

She is saying I can't make her get a job, which is true, and that many of her friends don't have one and their parents just give them money.

Any advice?

"I grew up with literally a bar of soap & bottle of coal tar shampoo in the bathroom so I swore I wouldn't do that to my girls"

You're holding them back in a different way by providing unrealistic expectations for the future and giving them a way out of vital work and life experience

To those saying that their 5 and 6 year old are doing chores, don't get too smug. My DC were doing chores at that age and then when they hit the teens it's a whole new ball game with getting them to do anything !

@myheartskippedabeat

Tell her to that you are stopping buying fancy shampoo and makeup and that if she wants anything she has to earn the money snd next time she runs out of shampoo go to the pound shop

If she says she's meeting a friend on Saturday don't give her any money

She has to learn and she has no motivation while you just keep buying for her

My daughter is 5 (nearly 6) and she helps me set the table, makes the beds, checks the toilet paper, helps put away shopping and tidies her room and if this is all done then she has her pocket money on a Saturday and we go and we get a treat and if she wants something more expensive she saves it until the next week I never advance it

If 5/6 year old girls get this concept why can't a 17 year old???

Come back when yours is a teenager.

@9ofpentangles. Well, when you've given her everything she wanted, exactly as she wanted, where was her motivation to earn some of her own money? It's going to take you being strong & not caving in to her 'neeeeds' for her to learn that she has to be contributing to her luxuries 💁🏻‍♀️

My kids got work because I only funded the basics. Stop with luxuries like the makeup and shampoo so she has an incentive to work.

Jesus. I didn’t have a job at that age as my Dad wanted me focus on studying after chaos during my GCSE year, but fuck me, if I’d been demanding £8 a week on fucking shampoo he’d have handed my arse to me.

Give her a set amount each month, stop buying expensive shampoo etc, if she wants it she buys it. Fund basics so ds used to want £100 trainers, I would say I would put in £40 he would have to fund the rest or he had £40 ones. Would buy him pants and socks but not branded, if he wanted better he made up the difference. Ds did work and was able to save quite a bit for driving and uni which has helped us and taught him to budget.

I don't understand why you'd buy £6 shampoo (I'm assuming conditioner is the same price) just on her say so ?

There is a lot more than simply money to be gained from having a part time job as a young person.

When I was in my teems (1950s) aged 14/15 I used to have to refuse social invitations because I had only really scruffy old clothes apart from my school uniform to wear. When I whinged to my parents my father said "Well you will have to do what your mates do and get a part time job".

Most of my "mates" had saturday jobs in the big stores. When I got a job for 8 hours a week in the local Greek takeaway some of my friends who worked in Debenhams or M&S were a bit snippy - until they found out how much I earned. Almost twice as much as them. I soon has the best wardrobe in the class.

It was not ony the money. Of course there were no deductions as I was paid in cash from the till. I learned to wait on custoners, remember orders, make change, and keep my work station clean and tidy when there were no customers in the shop.

It also gave me something useful to put on a CV or application form when I applied for a grown up job. My first interview was in the Civil Service and my mother advised me not to mention working in a chip shop. However my grandmother disagreed. She was right. When I mentioned it the lady interviewer said "Well there's nothing wrong with working in a shop" and asked me what skills I had learned.

Mine have both worked from the age of 12 or 13,feeding pets and livestock for people who were on holiday locally. Dd1,got two regular jobs when she was 15,and one of her bosses asked if there were any more like her at home,so her sister started working there too.Both worked along side studying for GCSEs and A levels,and are valued by their employers,who have already said that they'd be more than happy to give excellent references in future.Dd2 has recently been offered another job,but feels like she has enough on at the minute.
I buy basic toiletries, everyday clothing,shoes ect. They buy stuff for their horses and pets,but mostly save their cash. It has certainly taught them the value of money,they calculate how many hours they'll have to work to pay for whatever it is that they want.

She sounds like exactly the sort of spoilt, entitled (privileged?) young person who would benefit most from getting a part-time job. If she tries that attitude with her employer, she will quickly learn a valuable life lesson.

Stick to your guns, OP. Give her a basic allowance, tell her to budget and if she wants more she must go out and earn it.

I worked whilst doing my A levels and so did dd.
Left others have said, stop buying the expensive products.

@AmelieLovesAutumn

"Come back when she's a teenager".....

I have a teenage step daughter who is 19 now but got a job at 16 and an older one (21)

Both had part time jobs and didn't just get money and luxuries given to them

Me and their dad (my partner) and their mum and her partner are all on the same page with this

If people cave in kids expect it - start them early and teach them treats have to be earnt is definately the way forward

I have told her all of this is stopping and Bank of Mum is firmly closed as is Mum's taxi (I don't think she has ever hopped on a bus or walked more than 5 mins up the road).
That's all you need to do. As long you stick to it she will have the choice of either getting a job or not being able to buy the things she wants to buy. Just like in real life.

You are doing her no favours at all by teaching her you can have what you want for free.

My dd is also 17 and mid way through her A'levels. She's had a weekend job in a fish and chip shop since year ten. She likes having her own money and the independence it gives her.

My 16 year old ds just started his a levels (y12) but he’s had a job since the end of July. He was hugely reluctant but his dad and I always had a little part time job at his age. He’s extremely lazy so it was important to get him working to see what the working world is like. He doesn’t love it, and the pay isn’t amazing, but at the end of the month he has a few hundred pounds to buy things.. which he does like.

Well, she went to the interview and got the job. When she came out, she didn't know how it went snd decided the money would be really great and wanted the job. She starts next week. I felt guilty for screaming at her as she was obviously getting nervous

Choose a mantra and say it on repeat.
'Ah well, if you had a job you could pay for it.'
'Bus timetable is on the internet.'
Kids have been saying 'all my friends parents ...' since time began. Closely followed by 'you've ruined my life'
Don't get into debates. If you feel yourself wavering, come back here.

It's difficult because they are so much led by their friends. All my friends had a Saturday job, as do DD1's friends, and we live in quite a wealthy area, though it may be a different story for the private school set. I have always given DD1 pocket money and money for going out with friends but she has only just turned 16 and was desperate to get a job! Being younger in the school year, a lot of her friends already had one in Y11. She just got a job, 16 and two months, and starts next week.

Is she perhaps very nervous about the interview? Explain to her how it will help a future career. It will just be a 20 minute chat, if that, if DD's experience is anything to go by. Interviews are always worth practising, thinking about how you present yourself and how you come across to people. She doesn't have to then take the job if offered.

Also I don't think there has ever been a better time to get a part time job. Everyone is recruiting just now and she may indeed get to pick and choose between jobs, and pay isn't too bad either. When I got my Saturday job it was 1992, we were reeling from the recession and unless you could get something by word of mouth (which I did) you were stuffed. But she needs to try, and actually go to interviews.

And it's not just a case of doing it for spending money, it will show she can be given responsibility and is reliable, both for future employers and for university. You also never know - a friend of mine loved her Saturday job so much that after her studies she worked in the same company for 20 years!

I think you should give her a small monthly allowance to cover the basics and explain that it's up to her to fund anything over and above this.

My 16yo actually has 3 jobs! She works in a cafe, a care home and does tutoring. She does have expensive tastes but she also saves quite a bit. I'd say that the majority of her friends don't work and don't want to. Perhaps around a third of them have jobs?

I feel your pain, I'm in the exact same situation with my 16 year old, she has had a job since she was 14 but now she has left the school she wants to lie about her room all day and do nothing till her college course starts in August, she tells me she won't be getting a job, she has no motivation, no focus no sense of the value of money, she barely has any friends and I feel a job would ground her, give her purpose and maybe make new friends. I'm at the stage where I am scared to be around her incase we fall out, I'm ready to move out at times, I feel like she is the mother and I am the child. Do not know what to do!