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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it normal for teen to want to do nothing all day?

92 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 16:38

I'm finding it so frustrating! It's the summer holidays and my nearly 13 year old son just wants to lie on his bed all day reading his phone. Only emerges to eat and grunt replies to my questions.
I've booked him on cricket camps for nine days and we have family plans, but feel like he should be off out/organising stuff at this age...it just ends in a row every time I suggest it though! He has two younger brothers but isn't interested in doing anything with them either.
The only thing he liked is playing cricket or watching sport! It was actually easier when I worked out of home and he went to childcare for the day...this feels like a really weird, in between stage. Should I worry?!

OP posts:

Happy36 · 26/07/2021 17:55

For a few days/first week of the holidays, normal.

Can you send him out on a daily errand to buy milk/bread?

And at home can he vacuum, hang out laundry, change his bed, heat some soup/make some sandwiches for everyone's lunch?

HangingBasketFuchsia · 26/07/2021 17:56

Sending them out shopping is my standard ploy.

Happy36 · 26/07/2021 17:56

If you have time, you could instigate a quick game of cards after dinner?

Pieceofpurplesky · 26/07/2021 17:59

They've had a weird year. Longer. I sometimes think the teens I teach have lost the will to communicate face to face!

HangingBasketFuchsia · 26/07/2021 18:06

It's definitely had an effect on my quiet teen imo. Although they claim they were happier off school which isn't surprising I suppose.
It's just easier to stay at home.🤷

I always resisted calling my kids shy and put a lot of efforts in at pre school age and primary but I think post pandemic I'm just resigned to it now with no hope it can change.

onetoomanykids · 26/07/2021 18:07

13 and 16 year old here both exactly the same. At least your son likes cricket. Mine have zero interest in anything

Durbeyfield · 26/07/2021 18:11

Listen to the lyrics of The Buzzcocks ‘Sixteen Again’
…’feeling like I’m sixteen again
Laying round doing nothing
Like all my friends’

olivethegreat · 26/07/2021 18:15

Mines is 13 and chats all day on FaceTime or Netflix party / plays games over these. We're away soon and I'll drag her on some days out. Will also take her for a walk a day but just giving her a few days to unwind. I've asked her not to meet her mates in person til after holiday so I can't complain. Ultimately I'm happy though as during lockdowns she didn't speak to anyone, so I'm just glad she has company who isn't me and is talking to her friends so much. She is reading in the mornings though before her mates wake up!

Passthecontrol · 26/07/2021 18:17

No I wouldn't happily let mine lie in their room all day, it's not healthy. Once in a while if the weather is rubbish, fine but not all summer especially as we've had such amazing weather.
My ds is 13 in a few weeks and has spent the summer out swimming in the local river with pals, or round at the astro pitches or down the beach. They get theirselves all over the city on buses.
Don't want to make you feel rubbish but just wanted to balance out all the 'it's normal' posts. I think that's probably true of many older teens but 12 is a bit young for retreating to their bedrooms all day long imo.

nowanotherone · 26/07/2021 18:19

My twelve year old has a screen time limit of 5 hours a day. Other that he has to find other stuff to do that doesn't involve a screen . It works pretty well to reduce the zombie like staring at phone state!

MaMelon · 26/07/2021 18:24

I think that's probably true of many older teens

I found the opposite - my eldest two were far more active as they got older and more independent.

Comedycook · 26/07/2021 18:28

I think 13 is a difficult age...too old to want to do stuff with mum and/or younger siblings but too young to be good/pro active at organising their own social lives. I think lockdown coincided with them starting secondary school and has had a very negative effect and means many got used to being at home

Graphista · 26/07/2021 19:12

Pretty normal.

Mines 20 and was an outlier though as she's a Victorian Luddite in a Gen z body! She can barely bother with texting! She prefers voice calls, likes to walk everywhere and hates computers!

She drove her friends nuts at this stage as she'd be bugging them to go a walk or swimming or bowling and they were like "nah let's just Netflix" she'd be moaning at me how boring they were.

They quickly outgrew the phase (3/4 years tops) and then they were off going to theme parks and raves, swimming, playing pool became big at this point for some reason.

It's a phase he's fine.

Maybe find something relaxing he can do and enjoy that isn't screen based? But don't push it hard.

If he's not otherwise occupied I'd certainly be making sure he's contributing chore wise at least!!

Graphista · 26/07/2021 19:20

I've just remembered a HUGE argument I had with my mum the summer I was 13 as I'd not been outside in a week, I was quite happy reading in my room in peace. She literally barred my way into my room and went "no! Outside right now!" I still refused and eventually she bribed me with promise of a new book I wanted.

So I went outside, went to see a friend and her mum had us out gardening (weeding etc)

Well I got sunburnt! (I'm a freckle redhead I burn even with an inch of sunblock on, this is why I hate sitting out in the sun)

Mum didn't even try the following day and I got my new book

Yuckyfinger · 26/07/2021 19:29

I'm glad I found this. It makes me feel slightly less guilty that my teens do next to nothing all day when I go to work. (i still feel awful about both of them being on screens all day!) I usually ask (and pay for ) one chore to be done to enforce moving from their bedrooms!

thebear1 · 26/07/2021 19:50

This thread is making me feel better about my 13 year old ds. He is happy to chat over xbox but has no desire to see real people! Today he came to the supermarket which felt like a little win!

OnthePiste · 26/07/2021 20:08

Same here, 14 year old DS would happily be on line all day. He gets up around 11 and I either find him a couple of jobs to do around the house or book him a gym session/play tennis with him or something. He is allowed on his computer from 2pm so he still has a lot of screen time but it does mean he occasionally does something else!

He has lots of friends who he plays with on line and sees at school but he hasn't the confidence to arrange to see them out of school. If they suggested it he would go but they all seem happier chatting over the headsets!

OldTinHat · 26/07/2021 20:10

Very normal!

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/07/2021 20:14

Normal

Signoramarella · 26/07/2021 20:19

Oh god. My 12 year old is like this. Screaming all say on his ps4. Hate it. Wish he would go away. What to do ?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/07/2021 20:41

My DS does it even if his ipad is broken he just lies on the sofa with his indoor rabbit snuggled up and both stretched out, two lazy boys together.

So cute!!!

And on with the music theme.,, ‘spending warm summer days indoors’ The Smiths.

FunnyWonder · 26/07/2021 20:52

I have one of these creatures too! Just turned 13 and rarely seen. He's generally very good natured, but makes a weird bleating sound of protest when I ask him to come out and communicate with us all. We call him the lesser spotted teenager. His 9yo brother just calls him 'the teenager', which seems to wind him up more than anything.

When I do manage to get him out for a walk, he either skips around like a spring lamb (he's not the cool kid!) or shuffles about complaining that he's tired. All extremes. No middle ground. He spends much of his day on group chats screeching and guffawing while they play Minecraft. He was massively into Lego until a few months ago. I would give anything to get a piece of two by two Lego embedded in my foot again

MaMelon · 26/07/2021 21:27

I would give anything to get a piece of two by two Lego embedded in my foot again

Oh me too!! I really, really my little boy with his squeaky voice, his mop of blonde hair, his skinny little legs and knobbly knees and his love of Lego. Now I have this almost six foot walking hormone who grunts and argues a lot and spends his time shouting at his friends through a headset in front of a screen.

MaMelon · 26/07/2021 21:27

*Really miss

TooManyAnimals94 · 26/07/2021 21:37

I really struggle to relate to this. I don't have teenagers but it's not that long since I was one and I was barely home in the holidays. If I was I was reading a book which is probably better than just scrolling on my phone.
I do know a few teenagers who are like this and I don't know how their parents don't lose their shit most days 😂

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