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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it normal for teen to want to do nothing all day?

92 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 16:38

I'm finding it so frustrating! It's the summer holidays and my nearly 13 year old son just wants to lie on his bed all day reading his phone. Only emerges to eat and grunt replies to my questions.
I've booked him on cricket camps for nine days and we have family plans, but feel like he should be off out/organising stuff at this age...it just ends in a row every time I suggest it though! He has two younger brothers but isn't interested in doing anything with them either.
The only thing he liked is playing cricket or watching sport! It was actually easier when I worked out of home and he went to childcare for the day...this feels like a really weird, in between stage. Should I worry?!

OP posts:

Silkiecats · 29/07/2021 14:42

My DS eats lots of fruit which may sound good at first but he literally eats every fruit as soon as it appears in the house. Like if you have bought 4 peaches and a punnet of grapes he will eat that all at once then be in the bathroom every 15 minutes. He will even say he is ill from the fruit, well point at his tummy and say apples and then you say well maybe eat less fruit then and he'll say I love fruit

Yesterday DH bought 4 peaches as I had asked for one. Go to get one and DS has eaten all 4. Even if we hide them he will find them. The only solution to this is we have to eat any fruit we want immediately. He also loves Pringles and biscuits though.

When he gets his own lunch its always small cocktail sausage and / or sausage rolls with a few carrot sticks (which are given to the rabbits) and unlimited biscuits and all you can eat fruit.

IHateFlies · 29/07/2021 14:45

Mine loved swimming so much that they’ve asked to go again
I’m not letting them spend all their time lazing around on their phones. I’m coming down tough 💪

Loudestcat14 · 29/07/2021 14:47

This is such a relief to read, as I have a DD12 who is like this. I think lockdown accelerated it a bit, because they've just got used to chatting to their friends online. We entice her out occasionally for trips but sometimes it feels like enforced fun for everyone! I'm realising reading this that she might just need the downtime right now and not to sweat it too much. Luckily we're going on holiday with friends shortly and I know she'll spend loads of time in the pool, so that will break up the screen time!

silverstrawberry · 29/07/2021 14:48

I can join you on this one my daughter turned 13 and changed overnight she has no up and go and to get her to do anything take hours of negotiation

IHateFlies · 29/07/2021 14:48

I taught mine how to make omelettes when they were younger and they make them for breakfast. After spending all morning in bed, they usually get up because they’re starving and looking forward to a big breakfast. So at least they eat that before hitting the crisps and biscuits.

Mediumred · 29/07/2021 15:29

This is reassuring, DD13 has had mental issues in lockdown and we are under Camhs who are suggesting ASD so I was terrified about her spending weeks in her room and becoming even more withdrawn but it sounds like this is such typical teen behaviour, not necessarily a sign of crisis.

I agree they are a bit too old to be micromanaged any more but with the help of some other mums we have made some arrangements, she went swimming yesterday with her mate and is going for pizza today, both without parental supervision and involving shortish bus rides to other London suburbs. It doesn’t really sound much but they missed out on months where they should have been spreading their wings a bit so these kind of things can give them confidence and ease the social anxiety that so many seem to feel (and it makes me feel less bad about the countless hours she does just spend in her cave!!)

Comedycook · 29/07/2021 16:02

Managed a game of tennis this afternoon which is a minor miracle!

AnxiousWeirdo · 29/07/2021 16:06

I'm 35 and I so wish I could lay on my bed and do nothing but grunt all day 😂 but yes it's completely normal

RhonaRed · 29/07/2021 17:08

I agree Medium Red about seemingly little things. If my 15 yo goes out with a friend and they pick up something for lunch and eat it in the local high street / park I'm happy, after the year we've all had.

I do try to get a bit of buy in to doing housework, if I tell them about it the day before it helps. I'm also doing a "broken record" about everyone doing a little, and how small jobs and duties add up. It's like being a very softly-softly sergeant major. Nit my natural style but it's more effective than ranting after I've reached breaking point, lol.

Creamsoda77 · 07/08/2021 19:00

Normal.....................

MadameTuffington · 08/08/2021 10:26

I don’t know how old you all are but I was 14 in 1985 - no bloody Web - I remember spending days out with mates - day trips to Bristol and Bath, chasing boys in the local villages and other towns, going to the cinema and sports clubs, reading (!), meeting up with friends in a local field with a 3D Super Woofer 😂 and blasting crappy music that we thought was great … but always OUT!

DD19 mostly out with mates but being a moody cow at 13/14 - this weekend at festival! DD14 horrendous - rude, sleeps for too long, constantly on Snapchat/Tik Tok - no interest in sports, walks, days out, chores etc - I have managed the occasional pleasant chat but it always has to be about (bloody) Love Island 😩 - she feeds and fusses over the rabbit (nice to see) - oh, and she’s fallen out with her 2 best friends (of 4 years) - fun, fun, fun 😃

FanOnCurtainsClosed · 10/08/2021 15:46

Just working my way through this as I have a teenager who isn't really doing much. This thread is helping.

We have walked dogs today and gone to a trampoline park. She's just so scowly!

hellcatspangle · 10/08/2021 15:49

When mine was 13 he would be out on his bike, meeting mates at the park to play football, meeting in town for a McDonald's etc (in between x box which I didn't mind as he was playing against his mates so at least socialising)

Does he have friendship issues, or has he got plenty of friends at school? Can you arrange for one to come over (or get him to arrange it) they're probably more likely to do something with someone else.

Nohomemadecandles · 10/08/2021 15:54

We're not quite there yet but I can see it on the horizon!
The almost 11 hormones are starting to kick in.i reckon I've a year at most left before he velcros himself to his bed! We're just getting the scowls at doing stuff but not the actual refusals yet! And he's fine once he's actually doing the thing.

Sigh. I'll look forward to the coming year... 🙄😂

YukoandHiro · 10/08/2021 15:56

I was exactly like this at 13. I was clearly very annoying

wonderstuff · 10/08/2021 15:59

This is reassuring, my 13yo is the same.
I was trying to remember what I did at 13, and I think probably spent all my time reading in my room.

weleasewoderick23 · 10/08/2021 16:11

This thread is timely for me as I'm going through that same thing with my 14 year old ds. All this friends are the same too. Having said that, he seems quite happy and isn't being stroppy or difficult, but blames lockdown for not being bothered about going out as he got used to having to staying in.
It's really sad, but this thread has made me realise it's not just him!

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