Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it normal for teen to want to do nothing all day?

92 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 16:38

I'm finding it so frustrating! It's the summer holidays and my nearly 13 year old son just wants to lie on his bed all day reading his phone. Only emerges to eat and grunt replies to my questions.
I've booked him on cricket camps for nine days and we have family plans, but feel like he should be off out/organising stuff at this age...it just ends in a row every time I suggest it though! He has two younger brothers but isn't interested in doing anything with them either.
The only thing he liked is playing cricket or watching sport! It was actually easier when I worked out of home and he went to childcare for the day...this feels like a really weird, in between stage. Should I worry?!

OP posts:
Original poster
JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 21:37

This is all making me feel less anxious! It just seems to have crept up so suddenly...in the space if one year at high school his voice has broken, he's got a bum fluff moustache and he's too cool to be seen with me! I'm extremely sociable and a mad organiser so the worst possible mom for him at this point in his life! I do still have a three year old...I am thoroughly enjoying the farm parks and zoos with him before they're consigned to the past altogether!
I'll try to stress less...I do make him do chores and make basic meals and hot drinks. I'll take that as a win for now!

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 26/07/2021 21:58

I'm an adult and i still want to do nothing all day Grin

ssd · 26/07/2021 22:03

Same here

Nothing worse than wanting to sit on the couch and be chivvied to get off it Grin

OnTheBrink1 · 26/07/2021 22:12

No, I wouldn’t be happy with this although I think it’s normal for a lot of teens.
I have a 12 year old and she is given phone time for a couple of hours a day- more if it’s a rainy / quiet day or if I’m working.
However the rest of the time we are out doing things. On holiday we are doing roller skating rink, high ropes, aqua park, horse riding, SUP, theme park, quad biking, water park. There are so many cool things for teens to do. Other things we are not doing this time are a wipe out course, zoo, cave kyacking, wake boarding, high rock jumping into the sea, long bike ride somewhere new
Sometimes kids need to be given the enthusiasm to do stuff- to feel alive and thrilled. We are a very adventure loving family and always trying new adventures / experiences.

OnTheBrink1 · 26/07/2021 22:14

@Dazedandconfused10

I'm an adult and i still want to do nothing all day Grin
I think this is the answer in a lot of cases. How active and adventurous are you as a parent? Have you taken your kids on many different experiences as younger children? Have the got the love of getting out an about from you or are you happy yourself to stay local, stay in and do stuff around the house?
OnTheBrink1 · 26/07/2021 22:15

@Mustfly

This is all making me feel less anxious! It just seems to have crept up so suddenly...in the space if one year at high school his voice has broken, he's got a bum fluff moustache and he's too cool to be seen with me! I'm extremely sociable and a mad organiser so the worst possible mom for him at this point in his life! I do still have a three year old...I am thoroughly enjoying the farm parks and zoos with him before they're consigned to the past altogether! I'll try to stress less...I do make him do chores and make basic meals and hot drinks. I'll take that as a win for now!
I hope you can interest him in something OP. Sounds like you enjoy organising and doing things
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/07/2021 08:20

Onthebrink, but yours is only 12. My dd would do loads of stuff then and on into 13.

But at 15 which is what she is now, it’s a very different story.

scrappydappydoo · 27/07/2021 08:45

Normal I’m afraid…
13yr old who spends all day on Tiktok and YouTube- can be coaxed out but only if it benefits her e.g buying her stuff
15yr old won’t leave the house in case she is ‘seen’ doing something constructive with her time . Goodness only knows what she does in her bedroom all day. Even during the heatwave Hmm
I could explode - keep thinking of days out or activities I think they would love e.g high ropes or inflatable obstacle course but apparently they are boring or ‘dun that before’ For lots of reasons we can’t have a holiday this year so I guess this is my summer Sad

Jerble · 27/07/2021 08:56

I have one of these. I have given up suggesting things to do to get her out of the house as everything is rejected. She doesn’t want to meet up with friends either. I’ve told her she has to use her phone downstairs so at least I can see her and that she’s upright and out of bed. Apart from that, I ask her to do some chores each day which means she has to get up and move, even if just making lunch for everyone or folding the laundry. It is so annoying and I worry about her social skills - her phone time isn’t with friends, she’s just playing games or watching YouTube or Instagram.

Comedycook · 27/07/2021 09:24

This thread is very reassuring. I am totally fed up with my teen. I remember all the years I spent taking him out, paying for various activities...literally wish I'd never bothered

Remmy123 · 27/07/2021 15:31

My 12 year old is the same although not in bed, plays in garden then majority of time his PC / phone - seems very happy but I am
Uncomfortable with it.

Marriedtothesilverfox · 27/07/2021 15:33

Yup. My 12 year old is the same

blahblahblah321 · 27/07/2021 15:34

@Imapotato

A lot of 12/13 year olds are the same. They’re too old for organised little kids stuff, but not great at making independent plans yet. As long as he’s happy enough then I’d leave him to it.
Exactly this!

My nearly 13 is utterly rubbish at arranging anything with his mates, but also hates anything that's been pre arranged

Remaker · 27/07/2021 15:39

Completely normal. Honestly I know so many parents creating unnecessary drama with the their teens because they expect their kids to conform to their idea of being busy and active.

It’s actually not normal for kids to spend every minute of school holidays programmed into activities, so is it any wonder that this generation when they finally are old enough to stay home just want to have a break from compulsory fun? There is nothing wrong with being an introvert and enjoying time on your own, in fact it is often a sign of high intelligence and a rich inner life.

Comedycook · 27/07/2021 15:40

@Remmy123

My 12 year old is the same although not in bed, plays in garden then majority of time his PC / phone - seems very happy but I am Uncomfortable with it.
At least he goes in the garden. I said to my ds that he could at least sit in the garden if all he's going to do is look at his phone...may as well sit outside and get some fresh air. Said he wouldn't sit in the garden because he's not a thirty year old woman Confused
Raaraaboonah · 27/07/2021 16:11

It is a relief to read this (i think). My 12 year old emerges from his room for food, xbox and tv then generally retreats to read, listen to music or play on his phone.

He has generally poor social skills so doesn't have many friends and is going through a phase of generally just being vile so whilst i want to encourage him to come out, when he does it is pretty unpleasant.

I do see glimpses of a nice version of him but it sounds like it will be several years before this becomes the norm. in the meantime there is wine, right?

Oblomov21 · 27/07/2021 16:20

Ds2 is doing this. I think it's healthy the first week of the holidays to slob about and do as little as possible because the year they've had has been very tiring. Next week we are going to Dorset. Then he's at football summer school 2 days.

CorianderBee · 27/07/2021 16:25

Tbh, I think it's normal. I used to spend all day in my room on my phone/laptop and sometimes reading. If he's playing sport and doing family things then leave him to it.

Teens hardly have money to spend going out and doing stuff with mates and they're generally lazy and like sitting in the dark.

theliverpoolone · 28/07/2021 09:31

Relieved to see so many other teenagers are like my 13yr old dd! I really miss the times when we'd go for days out, seeing her happy little face enjoying whatever I suggested. Mine does occasionally meet up with friends, but the majority of the time is holed up in her room. On the plus side, I can go out shopping etc without having her with me complaining!

newlabelwriter · 28/07/2021 09:31

ditto both of mine. They seem happy enough so I'll take that.

Blendiful · 29/07/2021 09:32

I think it is normal, cause teens are often lazy, my own included!

However it’s not desirable as someone else said.

We have told my DD that during the holidays she will be doing some studying then she’s expected to be out. Not everyday but as often as is possible. She’s not having her phone/tv/laptop. So if she doesn’t make plans to go out, she is going to be very very bored!

We have the same approach with our 2 DS. Don’t mind them playing consoles when it’s later in the day but when the weather is good they are to go out.

They all spend way too much time indoors and way too much time staring at a screen as it is. So it’s being limited and they need to make arrangements!

IHateFlies · 29/07/2021 09:51

Mine have only been out once this holiday so I think that’s getting a bit ridiculous. I’ve booked them in for a swimming session and am bribing them with fast food afterwards Hmm
They’ll love it once they’re there but they just can’t seem to get themselves out.
It just doesn’t help that all their friends are the same even though they’re all normally quite active and play sports at school and weekends.

theliverpoolone · 29/07/2021 11:37

Mine was going to get up about 9ish today to sort her room out. Still in bed. Hmm

Comedycook · 29/07/2021 13:07

The laziness is really starting to piss me off now. Literally slobbed out over the sofa all day...and objecting to my request that he should be dressed my 1pm. Popped out and When I got back his breakfast stuff was still out. He'd chosen his own breakfast while I was out...two bags of crisps and a fondant fancy. I am not amused. I feel like all the time I put into him when he was little was an absolute waste of time

spiderlight · 29/07/2021 14:23

Mine spent most of the first week of the holidays in his room, declaring it too hot to go out, but this week he's been sleeping until lunchtime and then disappearing off to the park with his friends for the rest of the day, which I think is preferable, although he's straight back on his computer as soon as he comes home! If we're out when he gets up, he will make a 'breakfast' similar to @Comedycook's - half a tube of Pringles yesterday; a slice of bread and some olives today, and then he bought a bag of doughnuts for his 'lunch'. It's frustrating and it's not how we brought him up, but it just seems to be the way they all are at this age.