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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much housekeeping to ask from teen?

88 replies

Goshitstricky · 26/07/2021 09:35

Just looking for ideas on what others do.

16 yr old DS has got his first job, he has significant additional needs and I worked with friends of the family to secure him a place and he's really pleased to have some independence, he's developmentally about 12-14 yrs old. He was desperate to work and have some income and after being turned down by other 'inclusive' companies I quietly did some background work to get him a trial with family friend and he did really well and it's in the field he wants to go into later.

The 4 kids don't currently get pocket money they just get given the odd bit here and there when they want/need it. We obviously pay for everything for them and they're not hard done by at all but we're certainly not well off at all, the food bill is massive as the teenagers eat huge amounts! (I appreciate this isn't their fault but just stating the fact that we're not rolling in cash)

Anyway, we've always said that when the kids get jobs they'd be expected to chip in to the household pot. I'm not sure how much though? I don't want to take everything he earns and would like to encourage him to save a bit for later on.

He'll be making around £400 a month. We currently pay for everything for him (as we should) we pay for a few extras such as tv subscription £10pm but this is for him and his siblings and his phone is around £15pm

He doesn't really do a lot socially (due to social needs he struggled to make a maintain friendships) so he doesn't spend ££ going out with friends like a a NT 16 yr old. I'm hoping once he starts a tailored college course in September to help with life skills this will change.

I appear to have tied myself in knots trying to justify asking for housekeeping form him and explaining things, I know people get flamed on these threads. Blush

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 26/07/2021 09:40

Not sure if it’s the right figure but my DS (16) has just gotten his first job and we have agreed 10% goes to the house. He is happy with that. I pay for his phone still but apart from that he’ll be paying for all his own social stuff now.

NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 09:43

I wouldn't take anything from a 16 year old. He's still a child. I would help him with saving and making a budget etc.

Once he's 18, then I'd have a conversation about housekeeping.

Reallybadidea · 26/07/2021 09:47

Unless you need the money then I really wouldn't be asking a 16 year old who is still in full-time education to be contributing financially. He's still a child!

Reallybadidea · 26/07/2021 09:48

But yeah, he should be paying for his own phone and stuff now.

TooWicked · 26/07/2021 09:49

I would make him pay his own phone bill.

SpaghettiSpoons · 26/07/2021 09:49

If you don't need the money, I read an idea recently that I like.

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them.

MotionActivatedDog · 26/07/2021 09:50

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them.

That’s what I’m doing.

I’m also doing all the transporting him to and from work which is currently 5 days a week so there is the petrol cost.

Beamur · 26/07/2021 09:51

I think paying for his own things from the earnings would be a good idea and maybe saving a set amount every month?
You forego housekeeping but recoup the outgoings you would otherwise cover?

LadyCatStark · 26/07/2021 09:51

I’m sorry but I think it’s awful to take housekeeping from a teenager with a part time job who is still studying. My mum did this against my dad’s wishes and I really resented this, especially as I was on £2 an hour!

I’d say that he now has to pay his own phone bill and his own activities when not with you or treats that he wants oh and any clothes that are over and above the basics.

Nuggetnugget · 26/07/2021 09:53

He sounds like he is doing so well.
A token of 15 a week or something but he knows when he gets do the age of 18 that rises.
The 15 would only be a gesture to you but he's still a child really isn't he.

MrsBungle · 26/07/2021 09:54

I’d tell him he has to pay his own phone bill now and any social activities. I wouldn’t take any other money from him at 16.

HerMammy · 26/07/2021 09:55

I wouldn’t take anything but have him pay for his phone and subscriptions himself.

CommanderBurnham · 26/07/2021 09:55

Agree with PP. make him pay for his phone bill and stop the extras.

endofjune · 26/07/2021 09:57

I think it would be very wrong to take money from a child with additional needs working part time. I’m really surprised anyone would do that unless you are really hard up, but it doesn’t sound like you need the money.

If you wanted to teach him about the value of money then pocket money and allowances would have been far better surely?

334bu · 26/07/2021 10:00

Should he not now be buying and paying for his own clothes, phone etc?

2pinkginsplease · 26/07/2021 10:05

Both my teens have part time jobs while studying and I wouldn't take money off them for housekeeping. They are still in education. I still pay their phone bills but expect them to pay for anything else they buy.

CaffeineAndNicotine · 26/07/2021 10:07

Timely thread. DS, also SEN, has just got a job 4 hrs a week. DH queried whether we should stop his pocket money. He would only be making 20 a week tho!

Kanaloa · 26/07/2021 10:09

I wouldn’t take anything in this situation. He doesn’t get any pocket money and isn’t earning a lot. I would however stipulate that a certain amount needs to be put into savings for his future, or encourage him to take responsibility for one of his own bills, for example his phone bill.

ChristmasShearwater · 26/07/2021 10:12

I think it would be very wrong to take money from a child with additional needs working part time

I think it's great that the OP has helped her son - with all the challenges he faces - get a job and is now treating him like a young adult. And it's great that he wants to work and has impressed his bosses. Well done to you both 💐

Does he have any travel expenses? He should cover them himself, even if it's petrol money to you. He will probably get a sense of achievement from paying for his phone and TV sub out of his wages.

Also buy his own clothes.

He could then pay £25 pm towards housekeeping which will make a small dent in your food budget Smile

Good luck to your boy.

Original poster
Goshitstricky · 26/07/2021 10:14

Yes I think paying his phone contract would be fair.

He's never really been a spender or an expensive kid so he's never needed an allowance really, as said he doesn't really go out socially and his clothes, toiletries etc are all brought for him by us as we're his parents, he doesn't have any hobbies outside Xbox and following his favourite tv show/sport.

Anyway, that's what I asking because I didn't have a clue what the 'done' thing was, I didn't have a job as a teen as I was caring for a terminally ill parent and then him (I was a teenage mum and he was very sick for the first 14 yrs of his life)
I was never planning to take a large slice of his money, I'm not the government! I just want a gentle transition to paying for bits and pieces so adulthood isn't too much of a shock. 😅

OP posts:
MrsOrMiss · 26/07/2021 10:21

We didn't 'charge' DS1 any board as he was just 16 at the time - only earned £30 a week. We should've even just £5 because he really resented being 'forced' to pay £20 a week when he turned 18 and was earning over £200 a week. He thought he was entitled to steak for tea at £20 a week. Lead to lots of problems- even taking his little sisters money out of her piggy bank - he didn't want to break a note, he 'needed' her change.

I were you, even just £10 a week - save it or keep it for treats for everyone.

Bryonyshcmyony · 26/07/2021 10:23

@SpaghettiSpoons

If you don't need the money, I read an idea recently that I like.

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them.

I never understood this. Just don't take the money if you don't actually need it. There's nothing independent about your mum doing your savings for you!
Bryonyshcmyony · 26/07/2021 10:24

(I wouldn't charge him BTW and well done to him for his job!)

MotionActivatedDog · 26/07/2021 10:28

I never understood this. Just don't take the money if you don't actually need it. There's nothing independent about your mum doing your savings for you!

It’s not his savings, it’s my savings. Which I will then give as a gift to my child. Just like the other savings I have saved over the years.

Caspianberg · 26/07/2021 10:29

I would just get him to pay his phone bill now of £15 per month.

If he isn’t a big spender, maybe now is a good time to teach him savings also. Maybe take him to open up a savings account, and encourage him to put 10% of his wage into ie £40 per month at the moment.

At 18 you can review if he is still earning