How much housekeeping to ask from teen?

[Goshitstricky]

Just looking for ideas on what others do.

16 yr old DS has got his first job, he has significant additional needs and I worked with friends of the family to secure him a place and he's really pleased to have some independence, he's developmentally about 12-14 yrs old. He was desperate to work and have some income and after being turned down by other 'inclusive' companies I quietly did some background work to get him a trial with family friend and he did really well and it's in the field he wants to go into later.

The 4 kids don't currently get pocket money they just get given the odd bit here and there when they want/need it. We obviously pay for everything for them and they're not hard done by at all but we're certainly not well off at all, the food bill is massive as the teenagers eat huge amounts! (I appreciate this isn't their fault but just stating the fact that we're not rolling in cash)

Anyway, we've always said that when the kids get jobs they'd be expected to chip in to the household pot. I'm not sure how much though? I don't want to take everything he earns and would like to encourage him to save a bit for later on.

He'll be making around £400 a month. We currently pay for everything for him (as we should) we pay for a few extras such as tv subscription £10pm but this is for him and his siblings and his phone is around £15pm

He doesn't really do a lot socially (due to social needs he struggled to make a maintain friendships) so he doesn't spend ££ going out with friends like a a NT 16 yr old. I'm hoping once he starts a tailored college course in September to help with life skills this will change.

I appear to have tied myself in knots trying to justify asking for housekeeping form him and explaining things, I know people get flamed on these threads.

We don't take anything from dd 18, she's still college and gets no financial help, I did set her up a savings account and she puts some into that every 2 weeks when she gets paid, she also pays her phone bill, she pays for family Spotify and we all access that but them we pay for Netflix and Amazon and she uses that!

More importantly she is paying for driving lessons and they are expensive. She buys all her own toiletries, she will treat us to a take away.

My son is 17, has some additional needs. He has a Saturday job and earns about £120 a month.
As a single parent I'm not going to be in a position not to ask for housekeeping money from him, but only when he gets a proper job.
At the moment he pays for BT sport, his social stuff and the endless sets of headphones he goes through, his PS4.
if he was earning £400 I'd be asking him to save half and pay for his phone in addition to what he already pays for.
We are on holiday and he paid for fish and chips one night as his contribution, it's a small thing but it's the principal

I don’t ask for anything from mine while they are U18 and / or in FT education.

But I do talk with them about savings and budgets etc.

I would be more likely to give him pocket money / allowance and then expect him to pay his phone out of that, as it teaches them budgeting and gives more independence than paying for things ‘in kind’.

Anyway, lovely that he is doing so well.

I think, as he has SEN, this is actually a good idea. It's a token amount that will help him navigate these matters by dealing with them in a supported way.

I do similar for my asd 19 year old. It's not fleecing them, but it's definitely reinforcing some important ideas and understanding of the expectations of the society and culture that we live in. Your suggestion sounds very fair @Goshitstricky

'It's their money though. I wouldn't expect them to be super grateful!'

It WAS their money.

They paid for their keep with it.

Then it was their parents money.

Instead of using it for food, their parents chose to save it and gift it to them at a later date.

Most people are grateful for gifts they receive (particularly cash ones). But as has been said everyone is different.

@NuffSaidSam

'It's their money though. I wouldn't expect them to be super grateful!'

It WAS their money.

They paid for their keep with it.

Then it was their parents money.

Instead of using it for food, their parents chose to save it and gift it to them at a later date.

Most people are grateful for gifts they receive (particularly cash ones). But as has been said everyone is different.

Yes! This is exactly how I interpret it too.

@SpaghettiSpoons

If you don't need the money, I read an idea recently that I like.

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them.

This teaches them nothing , get them to save the money for themselves as that actually does teach them something . As for the original question as this sounds like a pt job I don’t think you should take anything , encourage him to save a set amount each month and start paying for his own phone / social life .

With my DS, who has additional needs, we got an envelope budging app (goodbudget) and set him up a budget with a few envelopes. At first we reviewed weekly, but now it's about every month.

When he first set it up, I think the envelopes were 'sweets and foods' 'shinies' (anything he wants that isn't food - so his Roblox subscription), 'savings' and we discussed how much to put in each. We started with pocket money so it was steady which you might be able to do, when it started to vary, we started with the lowest baseline and every week or so, he's put in the extra.

He has an additional envelope 'household' for when he buys things for the house. At first I gave him and DD regular money for this - picking things up for us on their way home - or had a set amount of their budgets as "housekeeping", but we've reversed it since where I gave them the money for that, then they 'bill' their father and I showing what they spent and I reimburse them to refill that envelope.

This has worked really well - it means they go through their accounts a lot more carefully and we can discuss what everything they're spending on when we do that rather than it being an automatic background thing, it means we can put in more scaffolding as needed and they feel they're doing more for the house because they can see it when they bill us.

I’m not asking for anything from dd1 who is 16. She earns about £300 per month, but tbh I’d rather she saved as much as possible over the summer as she won’t be able to work as much come September. I am going to stop giving her pocket money and I’ve asked her to stump up 1/3 of the cost of her laptop for college, but that’s it. I think I’m too soft though. If she was going to carry on earning this amount I’d ask her to take over the cost of her phone, but I know she won’t be.

Is your son going to be earning the same come September when he’s at college? If yes I don’t see the problem with him taking over his phone payments and maybe giving say £30 pm for keep. If he’s only earning this over the summer then I’d let him keep it.

I'm a great believer in teaching children to budget and to contribute to the household once they are working but also to given them an incentive to work.

My rule is that if it a holiday job only or a part time job alongside studying then I don't take any contribution. (So a situation where I would still be getting child benefit). Once they leave full time education they need to pay keep and pay for their own phone etc. I plan on asking for approx £50 per week to start off with.

I think the "done" thing is not to take housekeeping from DC while your still receiving CB.

I would let him use the money as savings and towards things you wouldn't be able to pay for.

Having spoken to friends who take housekeeping from their adult DC £50 pw seems to be the going rate here. It's enough to cover the copious amounts of food and electricity they consume, but not enough to make them think moving out is a better option.

I just want a gentle transition to paying for bits and pieces so adulthood isn't too much of a shock

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this and potential plus points. Some of his personal expenses eg phone he can take over, have an agreed approach to saving eg X% on on that basis a modest amount for housekeeping. If you don't always need the housekeeping element stick it in a savings plan.

As for "expect him to dictate the food shopping". Well I'd assume that as a teenager some of his likes/dislikes are already factored into the weekly shopping where affordable, but if he doesn't already do it I'd encourage him to get more involved in cooking and household tasks as part of becoming independent.

Tbh if you are still getting child benefit it's a bit much to want money off them as well.

@SpaghettiSpoons

If you don't need the money, I read an idea recently that I like.

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them.

Much more important to teach them financial awareness. Even more for the OP who's son has additional needs.

You teach them to tie shoelaces otherwise they never manage their own so don't do their saving for them. If you need the money then take a % but if you want them to save sit down and teach them how.
I see it just as much the parents job to teach about banks, savings, investments, credit cards, paying rent and bills and mortgages. Also budgeting. And don't wait until they are 16.

Tbh if you are still getting child benefit it's a bit much to want money off them as well

Do you seriously believe that child benefit covers the running costs of a teenager? Or any other age for that matter.

Its great for affluent parents to say "oh I couldn't possibly take a percentage of poor Tarquin's wages" but for many parents its a daily struggle to feed and clothe children all earners need to contribute.

see it just as much the parents job to teach about banks, savings, investments, credit cards, paying rent and bills and mortgages. Also budgeting. And don't wait until they are 16

I agree and also household tasks. We always had to do some household tasks, not huge amounts with hindsight but enough that none of us left home unable to manage all the basics including cleaning, cooking and budgeting.

Mine were taught the same so that by the time they went off to college they had all the basics of looking after themselves independently. They made their share of mistakes, just as I did but we knew enough to avoid the worst of them.

My 17 year old (has asd) pays nothing (agreed until finishes college then will pay 25%) as long as he saves a good proportion. So helped set up savings and current account. Also has to help around the house. I still buy all college stuff, clothes, toiletries etc but expect him to pay for entertainment/travel (except to college). I've also got him to pay for his own driving lessons so money isn't being wasted. I see this as hopefully teaching a good relationship with money. I feel I have had to set a precident with clear rules so that all dc are treated the same (I wasn't at that age I paid rent my siblings didn't and at 38 dsis still doesn't pay rent to dp so I want to be fair).

@C8H10N4O2

Tbh if you are still getting child benefit it's a bit much to want money off them as well

Do you seriously believe that child benefit covers the running costs of a teenager? Or any other age for that matter.

Its great for affluent parents to say "oh I couldn't possibly take a percentage of poor Tarquin's wages" but for many parents its a daily struggle to feed and clothe children all earners need to contribute.

And I've said if you need the money then by all means take it.

I object to people taking money that they don't need with some pretext of teaching their kids how to adult.

I look on family life as an enterprise - when you live as a family there are benefits (roof over your head, food, educational opportunities and pocket money) and responsibilities (being reasonably pleasant, contributing to the running of the household with chores or by paying bills). So to my mind if you’re working, and not contributing with chores, you should contribute to the costs in some way. That could be by paying board, or taking over responsibility for their own phone bill, no longer getting pocket money, or saving towards college fees.

I don’t think it’s about being mean, but part of teaching financial skills.

On the subject of allowance, my intention is to calculate how much I spend on a few specific discretionary costs with each dc, and give them an allowance to cover those things alongside something less frivolous like their busfares. The point is to learn to handle money responsibly and live with the consequences of their decisions. For obvious reasons I’ll try and give them similar amounts but dd might have to use hers to cover socialising and toiletries and clothes while I might pay for those things for ds separately because he’d happily spend it all on roblox and go around stinky with holes in his clothes. But I might make him cover the cost of books and sports equipment from his allowance.

If ds was still in education and money wasn't tight I wouldn't take anything from him yet.

I would expect him to organise and pay for his own phone out of his account if it was only £15/month and anything else that is solely for him (gym membership, activities, xbox live subscription etc). If he is paying for his own phone on a contract speak to him about the importance of credit ratings and not defaulting on payments.

I would suggest to him he starts saving for his provisional license, theory test, driving lessons. He would hopefully also pay for/towards any extra books, folders, stationary, clothes he wants for college beyond basics.

I would have a long chat about xbox/PS/apps eating money, getting into the habit of spending not realising how it is all adding up and having nothing to show for it.

If he is not used to socialising and having some disposable income talk to him too about the fine balance between paying your way and being taken advantage off by those that don't put their hands in their own pockets (you don't buy real friends).

When he goes to college he would need to pay for his own lunches if he ate out\wanted more than what is available at home.

as a mum of a similar boy I would say let him keep the money but encourage him to save it. They've got a lifetime to save for and it's not always easy for young adults like ours to get work. It might be nice for him to be able to treat the family to a take away or something to have a sense of pride in earning the money that put a treat on the table.

I am a believer children who live at home, have left education and a who are working should contribute. However, I would not take money from a teen who is only working in a part time job. I would expect him to take on his own phone bill as others have said, but other than that I wouldn't take any extra.

My DS is going to take a year out of education to work, so I expect a little more from him. But I've never taken money from him from a part time job.

I wouldn't take a penny from him. The biggest issue for me is that you say he is developmentally 12 - 14 years old. Most in that age group are learning how to save, not paying board; so teach him that.

What’s your issue with that response?

It's so Facebook.

No housekeeping but he pays for his own phone and clothes