How much housekeeping to ask from teen?

[Goshitstricky]

Just looking for ideas on what others do.

16 yr old DS has got his first job, he has significant additional needs and I worked with friends of the family to secure him a place and he's really pleased to have some independence, he's developmentally about 12-14 yrs old. He was desperate to work and have some income and after being turned down by other 'inclusive' companies I quietly did some background work to get him a trial with family friend and he did really well and it's in the field he wants to go into later.

The 4 kids don't currently get pocket money they just get given the odd bit here and there when they want/need it. We obviously pay for everything for them and they're not hard done by at all but we're certainly not well off at all, the food bill is massive as the teenagers eat huge amounts! (I appreciate this isn't their fault but just stating the fact that we're not rolling in cash)

Anyway, we've always said that when the kids get jobs they'd be expected to chip in to the household pot. I'm not sure how much though? I don't want to take everything he earns and would like to encourage him to save a bit for later on.

He'll be making around £400 a month. We currently pay for everything for him (as we should) we pay for a few extras such as tv subscription £10pm but this is for him and his siblings and his phone is around £15pm

He doesn't really do a lot socially (due to social needs he struggled to make a maintain friendships) so he doesn't spend ££ going out with friends like a a NT 16 yr old. I'm hoping once he starts a tailored college course in September to help with life skills this will change.

I appear to have tied myself in knots trying to justify asking for housekeeping form him and explaining things, I know people get flamed on these threads.

@MotionActivatedDog

I never understood this. Just don't take the money if you don't actually need it. There's nothing independent about your mum doing your savings for you!

It’s not his savings, it’s my savings. Which I will then give as a gift to my child. Just like the other savings I have saved over the years.

You are literally saving his money for him. I can't think of anything less financially independent

Take 10% of the wage and keep it for 'housekeeping' but actually put it in a savings account for them. Then when they need the money for bigger purchases like a car, deposit for a flat etc, you can give it back to them

We'll be doing this.

Yes, encourage him to save some. Don't do it for him

You are literally saving his money for him. I can't think of anything less financially independent

Ok 🤷‍♀️

My son will also be saving a good chunk of his wages.

So why on earth are you taking 10% that you don't need??

@Bryonyshcmyony

So why on earth are you taking 10% that you don't need??

Exactly. I think part of it is that the parents then get to do the big 'SURPRISE!! 🥳' reveal of giving them a big chunk of money and looking really generous without it actually costing them anything Far better lesson imo to let them do the saving themselves and see the money growing and resisting the temptation to spend it.

Agreed. Teach then how to save, don't do it for them.

I think I'd be pissed off if my parents took 10‰and I thought that was helping the housekeeping then they presented it to me after a few years.

Also if I thought I was contributing to the food budget I'd expect some say over what you bought for me to eat. Do you go along with that?

I agree, phone bill and then a token petrol money to you if you transport him regularly, if he wants new clothes etc they come out of his own money now. I worked part time from 16, obviously a fair old while ago, but didn't start paying board until i was 18 and at uni.

As he has additional needs I definitely don't think there's any harm in offering to support him with choosing and eating up savings, actually I don't think there's anything worth with doing that for an NT teen either. Some of the banks have got quite good regular saver accounts back up and running now that don't require large amounts per month to keep them going.

Setting up, not eating up!

Absolutely nothing wrong with encouraging a teen to save of course. Just don't take the cash and pretend it's for the housekeeping!

My thoughts are if you are still getting child benefit then you shouldn't be taking anything.

You do you @Bryonyshcmyony

You do you @Bryonyshcmyony**

Oh god, the quality of responses on MN just gets lower.

I’d probably not ask for anything until he’s 18, especially if in receipt of child benefit. Then when 18 I’d probably ask he covered his phone etc and maybe a small contribution to the food shopping of I needed it. Otherwise I’d ask him to save some of his money. Not that you can force him but I’d try to guide him about saving up.

@ChristmasShearwater

You do you *@Bryonyshcmyony*

Oh god, the quality of responses on MN just gets lower.

I’m really not sure what you want. I disagree with @Bryonyshcmyony but she clearly has no interest in hearing another perspective. Why would I try and persuade her? best I can offer is that she does what suits her and I do what suits me. What’s your issue with that response?

I couldn’t take money from him.

Why not just encourage him to save a small amount each month?

Paying a token amount might make him feel grown up!

I helped my dc to open ISA's, with each we agreed that they would save 50% of income while living at home. They pay own phone bills, clothing and social expenses with the rest. Eldest dc isn't a big spender and most months ended up putting any remaining money into the ISA too. Eldest dc had enough money earned from part time work, they'd saved enough to pay own deposit on flat they bought. One of my younger dc always spends money as quickly as possible, but at least we know ISA's means he isn't wasting it all.

I paid my phone bill and anything I wanted until I started uni at 19. Then I paid £200 per month which I think was fair. At 16 I think I’d say phone bill and maybe his tv subscription? Or a round £50 but you paid his phone bill out of it

I think 'you do you' is the best advice on the thread! Do what works for your household, your teen, your budget, your family.

The taking 10% and saving it thing is generally in addition to teaching the child to save and not instead of i.e. you're not saving for them but in addition to them.

Everyone is different and you can't please everyone but I think, statistically, the number of young people presented with a chunk of cash, who would be furious that their parents saved it for them instead of spending it on the weekly shop is going to be very, very small. Most people will be able to see the good intentions/love that the gesture comes from (even if they do feel slighted that the money for their car should have been spent on pasta/tins of beans!).

I don't mind "you do you". It's good to have a range of responses tbh

It's their money though. I wouldn't expect them to be super grateful!