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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD 17 uninvited from friend's holiday after having bought plane ticket

86 replies

Canileavenow · 27/06/2021 18:34

Over the past year and a half DD formed a close friendship with a girl, who at the start of this year invited her, together with a couple of other friends on a holiday abroad. Plane tickets were subsequently bought. Over the course of the last couple of months however said friend began to be increasingly unavailable spending more and more time with another group which upset my DD as they had been so close. However, they were still on friendly terms. A few weeks ago my DD received a text from the friend to say she was really sorry, but because she would still be only 17 (she has an August birthday and the holiday is in July), she wouldn't be able to come to the resort, as the regulations were such that anyone under 18 had to be supervised by someone over 21. DD was naturally upset, didn't really believe the excuse, but took it on the chin and asked her if she could please let her know if she invited someone else so she could try to sell them her plane ticket, which the girl said she would do. Yesterday she found out that someone else had indeed been invited and they had already bought their ticket. Ultimately I am sure my DD will just have to chalk this up to experience, but part of me wants to take some action, like contact the girl's mother (whom I've never met) to let her know how disappointed my DD is and that she is now substantially out of pocket - not in the expectation that this will achieve much, but doing nothing about it feels like said friend has got away with treating my DD badly without consequence. I am sure there must be other people who have had a similar experience. What did/would you do?

OP posts:
Lotusmonster · 28/06/2021 09:43

Since she extended the invite to your DD, she should bear at least some of the responsibility for her financial loss.

Whynotnowbaby · 28/06/2021 09:46

I do sympathise with your dd, I remember being left out of a group holiday when I was younger and it stings. But I think you have been a little naive, in your op you say you don’t believe the excuse but you then say that the Ts and Cs do actually say that. I think your dd could have found herself in a far worse situation of being stuck abroad with nowhere to stay if she had gone ahead and travelled. Resorts usually do check ID especially when young and potentially rowdy groups are involved.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 09:53

@Lotusmonster

Since she extended the invite to your DD, she should bear at least some of the responsibility for her financial loss.

That's ridiculous.

Bryonyshcmyony · 28/06/2021 10:07

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. She was invited. She bought a plane ticket. She's been disinvited.

Flowers500 · 28/06/2021 10:11

Genuinely don’t understand how this can be the other girl’s fault?

We are going on a girls’ holiday to this place, fancy coming? Invitation extended, at which point you/DD should have checked out the place and seen for she could go. The age issue should have been immediately raised—I wouldn’t expect the person who offered and who doesn’t have an age restriction to do all the legwork in checking it’s fine for her. Or TBH to even be aware it’s a potential issue, she probably didn’t even do the maths of how old your daughter would be.

Flowers500 · 28/06/2021 10:13

@Lotusmonster

Since she extended the invite to your DD, she should bear at least some of the responsibility for her financial loss.
That makes no sense. The DD booked for a holiday she couldn’t go on due to not researching/ checking with the resort. It’s not that an invitation was withdrawn, it’s that her age issue has now been pointed out. She could never have gone on the holiday.
covidcloser · 28/06/2021 10:29

@Bryonyshcmyony

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. She was invited. She bought a plane ticket. She's been disinvited.

That's not really how it went

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/06/2021 12:25

I'd buy a ticket and take dd on holiday myself like in Muriels Wedding.

LawnFever · 28/06/2021 12:58

@Bryonyshcmyony

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. She was invited. She bought a plane ticket. She's been disinvited.
You can be invited to all sorts of things, doesn’t mean you have to go, the onus is on the person who has been invited to check it works for them not the other way round.
LawnFever · 28/06/2021 15:37

@Lotusmonster

Since she extended the invite to your DD, she should bear at least some of the responsibility for her financial loss.
So if I’m invited on holiday, decide to pay for flights but didn’t bother to check I can have time off work and then I can’t go is that my fault for not checking I can actually go, or the persons fault for inviting me?
mrsm43s · 29/06/2021 08:34

@Loudestcat14

mrsm43s In OP's OP she said the girl had already been ignoring DD in favour of other friends, so it looked as though the writing was on the wall that something like this was going to happen – the T&Cs simply gifted her the opportunity. I suspect the friend knew about them all along (her family knows the resort well, stayed there before) and it didn't matter when they were still matey but now she wants to go with other friends suddenly it's a problem. That's why I think she's mean and selfish.
No, the OP didn't say that. It said that she had been busy with another group of friends and so they had drifted a bit (quite common at their age) but "they were still on friendly terms".

There is literally nothing in the OP that suggests the other girl was being horrible or selfish. Just that they have grown apart a bit.

And all she did, was pass on the information when she realised it, that would stop OPs DD being stranded without accommodation in a foreign country.

OPs main complaint seems to be that she thinks that an unrelated 18 year old was responsible for doing all the things that her DD (or OP on DDs behalf) should have done like checking the terms and conditions, and selling her own flight. Those things were not the other girl's responsibility to do. Since OP couldn't be bothered to do these things and OPs DD couldn't be bothered to do these things, why on earth do they have expectations that an unrelated 18 year old will do them on their behalf?

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