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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD 17 uninvited from friend's holiday after having bought plane ticket

86 replies

Canileavenow · 27/06/2021 18:34

Over the past year and a half DD formed a close friendship with a girl, who at the start of this year invited her, together with a couple of other friends on a holiday abroad. Plane tickets were subsequently bought. Over the course of the last couple of months however said friend began to be increasingly unavailable spending more and more time with another group which upset my DD as they had been so close. However, they were still on friendly terms. A few weeks ago my DD received a text from the friend to say she was really sorry, but because she would still be only 17 (she has an August birthday and the holiday is in July), she wouldn't be able to come to the resort, as the regulations were such that anyone under 18 had to be supervised by someone over 21. DD was naturally upset, didn't really believe the excuse, but took it on the chin and asked her if she could please let her know if she invited someone else so she could try to sell them her plane ticket, which the girl said she would do. Yesterday she found out that someone else had indeed been invited and they had already bought their ticket. Ultimately I am sure my DD will just have to chalk this up to experience, but part of me wants to take some action, like contact the girl's mother (whom I've never met) to let her know how disappointed my DD is and that she is now substantially out of pocket - not in the expectation that this will achieve much, but doing nothing about it feels like said friend has got away with treating my DD badly without consequence. I am sure there must be other people who have had a similar experience. What did/would you do?

OP posts:

eurochick · 28/06/2021 07:01

If you don't take the flights you can get the tax refunded. That might be a reasonable percentage of the total.

Majorfluff · 28/06/2021 08:20

Dob them in to the resort.

Parky04 · 28/06/2021 08:29

@Majorfluff

Dob them in to the resort.

For what?

LawnFever · 28/06/2021 08:32

@Majorfluff

Dob them in to the resort.

For not allowing a 17 year old to try and travel alone? Have you misunderstood the entire situation

LawnFever · 28/06/2021 08:34

@Inthemuckheap

Well as nobody in the party is going to be over 21 you could let the resort know this.....

Really sorry for your DD, that's a shitty thing for (ex)friend to have done.

How do you know that? The friend now going could be, which is why they’re going rather than a 17 year old.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:35

@Majorfluff

Dob them in to the resort.

For what?

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 28/06/2021 08:41

it wasn't a case of assuming the t&cs didn't apply to my DD. We only looked them up when the issue arose. At the time of booking the flight there was no reason to assume she couldn't legitimately stay there
And there is a life lesson for you and your DD. Don’t assume shit and check the ts and cs. It’s not really fair to expect the girls to lie to the resort (they’ll probably ask for proof of age anyway since it’s a clause they specify).

MimosaFields · 28/06/2021 08:42

It has nothing to do with the parents. Your daughter, who is a child, was invited to something and you let her accept without checking the conditions. It was up to you to check the T&Cs and make sure your child would be ok attending. If she had been invited to a gin tasting session, and she had accepted, would you hold the others responsible for the fact that she's not allowed to drink?

AlternativePerspective · 28/06/2021 08:42

In theory the person doing the booking should have checked out the t&C when doing so, but in practice very few people actively do so and then end up coming unstuck over it.

As the parent of a minor it was your responsibility to check out the resort your child was going to, alone, with a group of other teenagers, and TBH not doing so is pretty irresponsible as you would have no idea where she was, what they were doing etc.

It was unwise to book a holiday anyway in the current climate, given the likelihood of a holiday going ahead at all was slim.

And at 18 friendships are fluid, I certainly wouldn’t be booking a holiday for a 17 year old a year on with friends who may have moved on by then. Indeed the 17 year old herself could have moved on by then.

This very much is live and learn, and certainly not down to the parents to sort out. In fact the only parent responsible here is you.

Medievalist · 28/06/2021 08:42

I think the dobbing in suggestion is because the Ts and Cs require someone in the party to be over 21. If the girls' parents aren't going then there won't be.

SwanShaped · 28/06/2021 08:43

That’s so upsetting for you daughter. She must be so down about it. It’s such a horrible feeling being left out like that. I’d see if you can change the flight ticket. What does she want you to do?

LawnFever · 28/06/2021 08:44

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

it wasn't a case of assuming the t&cs didn't apply to my DD. We only looked them up when the issue arose. At the time of booking the flight there was no reason to assume she couldn't legitimately stay there And there is a life lesson for you and your DD. Don’t assume shit and check the ts and cs. It’s not really fair to expect the girls to lie to the resort (they’ll probably ask for proof of age anyway since it’s a clause they specify).

Most European resorts you have to show your passport as ID on arrival, so they’d clock her age then anyway.

LawnFever · 28/06/2021 08:45

@Medievalist

I think the dobbing in suggestion is because the Ts and Cs require someone in the party to be over 21. If the girls' parents aren't going then there won't be.

The OP hasn’t said if the friend now going is over 21 so they could be.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:46

@Medievalist

I think the dobbing in suggestion is because the Ts and Cs require someone in the party to be over 21. If the girls' parents aren't going then there won't be.

Only if they are under 18

AlternativePerspective · 28/06/2021 08:48

Let’s not pretend that the suggestion to contact the resort is out of concern etc or any kind of moral compass over the ages of the girls. the suggestion to dob them in to the resort is one purely made out of spite.

Exactly what is that going to achieve? And is that really how people want their teenagers to grow up? To learn that being spiteful will screw over someone else’s plans but hey at least you’ll feel better?

Orf1abc · 28/06/2021 08:51

anyone under 18 had to be supervised by someone over 21.

A group of eighteen year olds are fine to travel without a 21 year old. There's nothing to 'dob them in' for.

1starwars2 · 28/06/2021 08:53

These are adults and an almost adult. Involving their parents would be very odd.

Medievalist · 28/06/2021 08:54

A group of eighteen year olds are fine to travel without a 21 year old. There's nothing to 'dob them in' for.

It's not the travelling that's the issue - the op said it might be an issue at the resort.

Parky04 · 28/06/2021 08:54

@Orf1abc

anyone under 18 had to be supervised by someone over 21.

A group of eighteen year olds are fine to travel without a 21 year old. There's nothing to 'dob them in' for.

Yep. It really isn't difficult to understand.

covidcloser · 28/06/2021 08:56

It's not the travelling that's the issue - the op said it might be an issue at the resort.

For the 17 year old. The OP said

the regulations were such that anyone under 18 had to be supervised by someone over 21.

There is no issue for the rest of the party.

mrsm43s · 28/06/2021 09:01

The only people responsible for checking that your DD was old enough to travel was your DD, or perhaps you on her behalf since she's under 18. This is all on you/your DD, and not the responsibility of her friends or her friends parents. If your DD wants to try to sell her ticket, then that's up to her (or you) it's not the job of her friend, or her friends parents. Stop trying to blame others for your own cock-up.

Loudestcat14 · 28/06/2021 09:06

By all means contact the mum but I doubt you'll get much joy from her if she's raised such a horrible, selfish DD. I'd contact the airline and tell them your DD can't go away now because it's the Covid restrictions will almost certainly apply (assuming she's not vaxxed yet) and ask for a voucher that should roll over until next summer, when she can go away with friends who actually give a damn about her.

mrsm43s · 28/06/2021 09:12

@Loudestcat14

How is the other DD selfish? All she did was read the t&c (which op/her Dd should have done), realised that it was going to be a problem for OPs DD, and let her know. Big case of shooting the messenger here!

Loudestcat14 · 28/06/2021 09:32

mrsm43s In OP's OP she said the girl had already been ignoring DD in favour of other friends, so it looked as though the writing was on the wall that something like this was going to happen – the T&Cs simply gifted her the opportunity. I suspect the friend knew about them all along (her family knows the resort well, stayed there before) and it didn't matter when they were still matey but now she wants to go with other friends suddenly it's a problem. That's why I think she's mean and selfish.

Hawkins001 · 28/06/2021 09:34

All the best op

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