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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Summer ideas grumpy 16 year old boy

63 replies

doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:04

Who loves his bed and his laptop.

Had an awful lockdown where he became very insular, wouldn’t see his friends, opted out of school.

Things are much better now but he’s just spent all day relaxing in bed reading/audiobook/YouTube yesterday. We let him as he’d done his DoE the days before.

However I’m scared he’s going to go back downhill this summer without the structure of school.

He’s too young to get a job, we can’t seem to get him work experience as everyone is working from home. He’s gone off sport. He’s refusing to do any organised activity camps, fair enough.

It’s hard to talk to him as he sees it all as a hassle and that I’m getting him to do stuff he doesn’t want to do.

He also refuses to walk/cycle. That left me with sailing and drama camps, both of which he’s enjoyed in the past. I think residential would be good.

Any ideas? We’re happy to travel anywhere in the UK!

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 27/06/2021 10:06

Why is he too young to get a job?

Ducksurprise · 27/06/2021 10:06

Hi is not too young to get a job. There are loads for school leavers, it will give him routine and some money

ChickenSchnitzel · 27/06/2021 10:09

The hospitality sector is crying out for staff all over the country - a job would be great discipline and routine for him. Where I am all teenagers have jobs from 13/14.

lljkk · 27/06/2021 10:13

My (just turned) 17yo will probably work 5-6 days/week all summer, at jobs he started at age 13 (paper round) & 16 (chip shop orders). Shifts are only 1.5-4.5 hours at a time. He may meet up with friends if they organise something.

He cycles to do/get to both jobs. As example how these things are possible for other 16 yr olds.

It's good yours did DoE. Mine bailed on Silver because all his friends dropped out. I am lucky mine will go for walks, as long as low insect density.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/06/2021 10:16

Too young to get a holiday job, at 16?

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:17

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Too young to get a holiday job, at 16?
There doesn’t seem much about for that age. I’ve looked. He’s not bothered to look himself. He’s very lazy at the moment.
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 27/06/2021 10:18

Definitely not too young to get a job. My just 16yo has one.

fairyhouse · 27/06/2021 10:20

It's such a tricky age. My DS picked up some work when he was 16 just by advertising himself on Facebook on the local groups, he was willing to do casual manual labour, gardening, lifting and shifting etc. Your DS would have to be prepared to put himself out there though and make arrangements with people etc. Very good practice for the real world! This year he's got a job in a pub which is obviously more stable but I think he definitely benefited from last summer's work.

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:22

Please don’t tell me how amazing all your teens are. It doesn’t help! Sad He’s a very difficult teenager. Lockdown was hellish, trying to get him through his exams. My oldest is very different.

I’ll look into a job for him. He’s not keen, doesn’t need the money apparently . He’s not a spender. We’re also away early July (we’re in Scotland) and then a week in August which makes it tricky.

I agree that a job would be amazing for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:24

He just wants to relax! He will definitely not “put himself out there.” If I could find something for him that could be the catalyst for a shift in attitude hopefully. Tricky with our summer holidays though.

OP posts:
Blueskythinking123 · 27/06/2021 10:27

To get a job at 16 he will need luck or lots of drive. It really is a numbers game and often requires multiple applications before they are successful.

My DS went away on residential sales during the summer. These were independent from her friends. She loved the experience, but this was when she was 13/14 years old. At 16 she was working during the summer and developing independence.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 27/06/2021 10:27

I would definitely encourage him to get a job, it would do him the world of good. Lots of jobs going in hospitality at the moment.

fairyhouse · 27/06/2021 10:27

Sorry OP genuinely wasn't trying to make you feel bad, sorry if it came across that way, was just trying to give an alternative to looking for work. Hope you find something to help him Thanks

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:28

No drive for a job unfortunately.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 27/06/2021 10:29

My 16year old is casual lifeguarding at 3 different local leisure centres.

She's desperate to work because she wants the money. We are low income, so can't find all the stuff she wants to do - so she has a great motivation.

My 15yo DS is:

  • Fishing. Desperate to do a night fish when he's 16 (not allowed before)
  • Camping in mates back gardens
  • Mahoosive all-day bike rides - off road across the countryside mostly. He keeps a tracker so I know where he is.
  • Part of two football teams and a swimming club
  • intends to do the lifeguard qualification as soon as 16

He likes designing and making. He's currently making me a garden water feature with a £50 budget. Previously in lockdown I asked him to landscape a section of our garden. He is hankering us to buy an old lawnmower because he wants a go at making a gocart from the engine. He loves a project. This sort of thing might be an idea for you OP?

covidcloser · 27/06/2021 10:30

A summer live in job would suit him. Hotels are crying out for seasonal staff right now.

fairyhouse · 27/06/2021 10:30

Ps my DS does have anxiety and occasional panic attacks so I do have some understanding of how hard it can be.

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:30

@fairyhouse

Sorry OP genuinely wasn't trying to make you feel bad, sorry if it came across that way, was just trying to give an alternative to looking for work. Hope you find something to help him Thanks
That’s ok. I just feel I’ve messed up to produce such a lazy individual!
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 27/06/2021 10:31

Sorry, OP, I don't think it will really work with you trying to get him a job. Any potential employer will want to see him taking the initiative. And to maintain a job, he'll need to be motivated enough to work hard.

Just wanting to relax isn't unreasonable. Presumably, he has just finished an exam year so he has had to work hard for that? What would be the impact if you just let him get on with it. Might he eventually get bored and find the motivation to do something else?

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:31

Your teens all sound amazing Flowers

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 27/06/2021 10:34

OP, you haven't messed up. Kids have different levels of energy and drive, and it's a bit of a mystery to me where those qualities come from. Maybe your ds just needs more down time than some.

Do you think he might be depressed? Or is he quite happy just doing his own thing?

Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:35

@AlexaShutUp

Sorry, OP, I don't think it will really work with you trying to get him a job. Any potential employer will want to see him taking the initiative. And to maintain a job, he'll need to be motivated enough to work hard.

Just wanting to relax isn't unreasonable. Presumably, he has just finished an exam year so he has had to work hard for that? What would be the impact if you just let him get on with it. Might he eventually get bored and find the motivation to do something else?

I feel that too but I’m worried he’ll literally do nothing and go back into that weird world (he got a bit obsessed with anime before). The holidays were going in are UK beach based we’re hoping to take a friend for him but he does struggle to not have time to himself.
OP posts:
Original poster
doorornottodoor · 27/06/2021 10:36

He does love fishing

OP posts:
CustardyCreams · 27/06/2021 10:37

Tell him if he doesn’t shift his lazy arse, you won’t be shifting yourself to run round after him. Give him two options: he finds something constructive to do 6 days a week, or you will give him tasks to do.

Your list will start with :
Garden maintenance if you have one (mow the lawn)
Clean out the guttering
Wash the car
Wash the garage door
Sweep out the shed/garage
Do the vacuuming, laundry and ironing
Cook for the family twice a week
Paint any fence that needs painting
Do any weeding that needs doing
Wash the external windows if accessible

You could set him up to sort out the attic and sell any stuff on eBay that you agree is no longer wanted.

Blueskythinking123 · 27/06/2021 10:37

My DD and DS both needed support to apply for jobs. In fact both jibs they eventually got I encouraged and supported them to apply for.

Designate some time with him to write a CV and covering letter. Write it so it would cover all customer facing roles i.e show communication skills, team work etc.

Then register with some online job sites. In England indeed is a good one to start with. I'd set up a new jobs email address, so his personal one doesn't get bombarded with adverts. Support him to check it regularly. Encourage him to look at retail web pages. My DS worked at Next at 16, before getting the job he probably applied for at least 50 different posts. It is demoralising as many don't respond, which is why they need the parental support to keep going.