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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Dd dislikes changes in her body [title edited by MNHQ]

72 replies

Leafy2018 · 28/04/2021 16:10

I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I'm at a loss for where to go for advice.

My 13 1/2 year old daughter hates her vagina. She thinks it's disgusting and refuses to use tampons because the thought of touching it or 'putting anything up there' is repulsive. She's said she hates how it looks (it looks totally normal). She does a lot of dance and it's interfering with that now as she's worried about a pad overflowing or showing when she's on her period.

Also, she hates her breasts and says they are too big and everyone else her age has small boobs. Her's are not huge by any means but she is more developed than I was at her age.

How do I help her with these issues? I don't want her to feel so negative about her body.

Thank you for any insight.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 28/04/2021 16:11

Could she try period underwear instead?

IHaveBrilloHair · 28/04/2021 16:12

Yes, let's all talk about our teenage daughters vaginas

DinosaurDiana · 28/04/2021 16:13

Period underwear and a sports bra maybe ?

Lovemusic33 · 28/04/2021 16:14

My Dd1 (17) is the same, she has Aspergers and low confidence, she won’t look in the mirror as she hates her boobs, I’m not allowed a big mirror in the bathroom as she doesn’t want to catch sight of herself whilst getting in the bath. She refuses to try tampons though tbh I don’t use them either and the thought of people having sex repulses her.

MissMaple82 · 28/04/2021 16:14

Period underware as above. Some great ones out there. I wouldn't worry either. I remember feeling the same as a young teen, I think its just part of the change, it obviously effects some more than others.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 28/04/2021 16:18

Oh my god. Can posters stop and think before we start sharing thoughts on your daughter’s vulva, please.

You don’t think it’s a bit of a weird topic for discussion??

dementedpixie · 28/04/2021 16:21

Nobody else has mentioned their daughters private parts so calm down

MaxiPaddy · 28/04/2021 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hellywelly3 · 28/04/2021 16:36

A really good sports bra and period underwear

SeventyEleven · 28/04/2021 16:36

I did a quick search on the OP (sorry OP) and she appears to have been posting on here for some years without sounding dodgy. So it’s likely to be a legitimate question.

OverTheRainbow88 · 28/04/2021 16:39

I would explain that all girls bodies are different and mature at different times. Lots of young teens don’t like tampons, so I wouldn’t try and encourage those. Period pants worth a try.

You could get her an age appropriate book about puberty for her to read if she wants.

goldielockdown2 · 28/04/2021 16:42

Ask her what sanitary protection she would like then buy it?

Original poster

Leafy2018 · 28/04/2021 16:45

Oh my goodness. I seriously don't know what to say. I feel horrified by some of the responses (but thank you for helpful ones). I despair. I have three daughters but she is my eldest and I don't have experience of this. I wrote here hoping I could get some advice from parents who had been through similar things. My daughter is not interested in anything trans related. She is happy being a girl. I just feel really sad that she feels negatively about her body in this way.

God, I just feel like you can't say anything anymore without someone thinking you are either politically incorrect or causing offence in some way.

By all means admin can delete this post if they deem it inappropriate.

OP posts:

FluffMagnet · 28/04/2021 16:46

I refused to use tampons until later teens and absolutely hated my boobs growing. Isn't that fairly normal in puberty? Her body is changing rapidly and out of her control, and she does dance which will probably mean she's in outfits that show these changes. She needs time to come to terms with the changes and work out how best to cope with periods. She may not use the same san pro as you, but thats fine. Give her options and let her choose.

CovidSmart · 28/04/2021 16:49

I was like her at her age. No way I would have worn a tampon!
FWIW I associated inserting a tampon with sex and that felt repulsive to me at that age. And too grown up too.
For quite a while I very much felt like a child in a woman’s body and I hated it. Th periods, the boobs, the pubic hair (when most of my friends still had none).

I started to relax and feel better when most of my friends were in the same boat, age 14yo isn.

I agree about the period pants. And avoid pushing her to put anything in her vagina she doesn’t want.

2bazookas · 28/04/2021 16:50

Get her some period pants .
Find some stretchy sports tops that look more like athletic wear and less like a bra (no hooks, cups, straps).

Admire her best feature; you have such lovely hair, feet, nails, ears, eyebrows, tiny waist... whatever. Subtly promote her best feature with a great cut/ style, nice belt, her choice of shoes, manicure, etc.

Original poster

Leafy2018 · 28/04/2021 16:51

I have given her a choice about sanitary protection. She chose pads and that's all fine really - apart from issues when she wants to swim at the beach in summer or has dancing and she worries about the pad showing. I'll look into period underwear - thanks for suggestion. I've never used them myself. She has a good sports bra but says that no other girl in dancing needs one (I've told her that may be the case in her class but loads will do.)

Thanks to those who have made me feel like a complete weirdo for asking for advice on this. Really helpful. I was under the impression this was a supportive place but I must be mistaken.
Way to go making a mother feel even worse than she already does. Is it literally because I used the word 'vagina'? That is what it is called for goodness sake. Welcome to Britain.

OP posts:

idontlikealdi · 28/04/2021 16:52

Urgh. Think before sharing on a public forum.

User135644 · 28/04/2021 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

AliceBlueGown · 28/04/2021 16:54

OP I think you have had some good advice. I think the main reason for some of the responses is the attention grabbing title.

Original poster

Leafy2018 · 28/04/2021 16:54

Lordy. This is anonymous is it not? I have not put photos, unnecessary details. I'm asking for advice with how to help her feel better about these changes.

I guess you have it all under control - good for you.

OP posts:

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/04/2021 16:54

Don't even go there with the whole vulva/vagina thing OP. You'll get a lecture.
I'd echo the others about period pants.
Sorry she's feeling so low.

Original poster

Leafy2018 · 28/04/2021 16:55

Fine - point taken. I'll ask if admin can change it.

OP posts:

rainbowthoughts · 28/04/2021 16:55

Have you considered the pill or something to help reduce periods so she doesn't have the worry?

Beamur · 28/04/2021 16:58

Period pants are game changers! You can get swimsuits too. They are invisible once one, environmentally friendly and super easy for school)sports, etc. My DD is really happy with them.
I couldn't have dealt with tampons or mooncups at that age either.
Make sure she has a good fitting bra. Minimiser one if that helps her feel less self conscious.

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