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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Facebook: safe for a 14 yo, and a good idea or not?

21 replies

Nicola63 · 03/11/2007 14:31

My 14 yo stepdaughter (who lives with me) wants to go onto Facebook, all her friends and relatives appear to be on it.

I have been concerned about the obvious things, safety, privacy etc, but have done a bit of reading (and joined Facebook myself to see how it works) and feel both somewhat reassured, but also a little concerned at the way networks can seemingly proliferate and everything and everyone become so interconnected, including people you don't necessarily know! Could I have people's views on this? I am in no way a technophobe, nor do I wish to stunt her social growth in any way, but also want to be careful to do the right thing.

I's be grateful for any insights.

OP posts:
ExplosiveScienceT · 03/11/2007 14:55

Get her to add you as a friend, then you can monitor most of what is happening.

Evenhope · 03/11/2007 18:15

As long as she doesn't give out any personal stuff (address, email, dob) I don't see the harm in it.

mumeeee · 03/11/2007 22:00

My 15 year ld goes on My Space which is a simular thing and most of her friends use it,. If you make sure she dows not put any personal stuff on it she should be fine.

WendyWeber · 03/11/2007 22:14

Agree with EST - she can if you are on too as a friend.

My 14-yr-old DS (Y10) is on, so are all his friends and a lot of girls from his year too.

As long as she doesn't keeps her profile available only to friends, and doesn't give out personal inf like phone numbers/address/birthdate etc, she should be fine. They have a lot of fun with it

WendyWeber · 03/11/2007 22:15

Sorry, ignore the "doesn't" in the last bit, I meant to take that out!

nannyL · 03/11/2007 22:25

My only problem with facebook (which i as adult use daily) is all the pornographic pictures that seem to get posted on everyones fun walls...

(I have over 200 friends, most of whom i went to school with, but loads of nanny friends too and relatives and stuff!)

Even if a friend, posts a picture on another friends fun wall (ie not even on mine I often get a link on my 'homepage': X posted this on Y's fun wall)

really graphic sexually explicit pictures

Racers · 03/11/2007 22:28

blimey nannyL I never get those (only have about 50 friends on there though I suppose)

WendyWeber · 03/11/2007 22:36

I see those too nannyL, but the images are usually too small to see how horrible they are, IME. (Or maybe it's just my crap eyesight )

(There's one of 2 trussed chickens and a naked bloke, and another of a naked old woman, which I guess would be fairly grotesque if you took a magnifying glass to them, so I don't )

TheQueenOfQuotes · 03/11/2007 22:44

Nannyl

if you go to privacy - top right hand side, you can change the privacy settings and have it so that only your friends can view things (and lots of other stuff too.

Also if you click on "preferences" (on your news feed where you can see other people's fun wall posts) you can adjust how much of what you see (so you can set it too see less "news" of wall posts (for example)

nannyL · 04/11/2007 12:21

Thanks queen of quotes

i do have it the only my friends can view things...

I also have all the options of people who i wnat to know about (my good real freinds) and people who i want to know less about (ie people who were in my year at school that i was never that friendly with, or friends of friends who i have met once or twice but arnt really my friends IUSWIM) even so i still manage to get alot on people who i dont ask for and often is misses out loads of stuff i would want to know about closer friends....

even so i get a LOT of these pornographic pictures..... several per day i guess... just yesturday it was some rather bendy guy bending over and sucking his own penis and some girl with a high heel shoe flattening some poor other guys testicals with her shoe

also even if random people post things on my own wall (my cousins for example pst the same thing on everyones wall) then it remains there on my profile for anyone clicking on me to see until i 'hide' it later when i log in.

apart from that i LOVE facebook!

mummymagic · 04/11/2007 12:29

That's why I haven't downloaded Funwall. God, it's like someone constantly forwarding you 'amusing' videos... Hate those email things (although have to admit the laughing baby cracks me up).

I'd say you will allow her to have it but only if you are her friend on it, and that you may/will look at what she does (eek, but that means she will also be able to see what YOU do on it...

Piffle · 04/11/2007 12:30

how do you join a 14 yr old then?
My ds2 has tried and it won't let him as he has to go via his school and it's not on ther?

mumeeee · 04/11/2007 16:32

Hi piffle. Your Ds will not be able to join through school as schols usually block these things. He will have to do it at home.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/11/2007 16:47

I would not touch this sort of site with a bargepole. Its too easy for it to get misused (identity theft) and it can backfire on people.

Plenty of social networking sites encourage this sort of behavior by giving users the illusion that they are merely interacting with friends, when in reality much of their behavior is viewable by any interested party. Google is another popular way of checking up on ex-girlfriends and job applicants, and can reveal its own share of secrets that folks would rather keep private. In fact, a 2005 US survey of recruiters showed that three-quarters of them use online search engines to check up on applicants?and they're not afraid to dismiss someone when they find negative information.

What can you do to keep yourself out the crosshairs? The obvious first step is to realise that no section of the Internet is your private playground, and to keep your mouth shut in public forums about information you would rather the rest of the world did not know. Beyond that, though, it can be difficult to eliminate traces of stupidity online.

The moral of the story is: don't expect privacy on the Internet and you won't be disappointed.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/11/2007 16:51

Whatever is posted on there does not come off. You can forget about erasing anything once its on there. All social networking sites are the same in this regard.

Every item you post, every personal item you share, gets locked into that Bastille of Information and you can do nothing about it.

Piffle · 04/11/2007 20:21

not join AT school, if you try to set up user account and say you are 13 it asks you to name your school - if you don't you cannot join.
His school is not on the list therefore he cannot join.
This is as far as he has got and to be fair I'm not encouraging him.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/11/2007 11:56

actually NannyL - I don't know if this will work - but if you click on "edit application" - then click on "fun wall" - you can check/uncheck the boxes for "publish stories about this on my news feed/minifeed" - if you uncheck them I don't know but it may stop stories from other people's funnwalls being published on your newsfeed?

nannyL · 05/11/2007 12:36

thanks QoQ... will try that

Original poster
Nicola63 · 07/11/2007 16:25

Thanks very much for the views everyone.

I have told her she can have a Facebook page as long as she is not findable in searches (you can set it so you are not visible to anyone you have not specifically invited) and as long as I am a friend, so I can see her page. I have also told her some of the information I have been given on here, especially what Atilla said about privacy and the longevity of information on the Internet.

After all the care I have been taking I was rather horrified to find, yesterday, that my OTHER stepdaughter, aged 12, who still lives with her mother in another country (although she is moving to live with us next month) aleady has a Facebook page (having lied about her age as you are not allowed to register under 13).

Her mother is not listed as a friend and has not read the page at all. On this little girl's page (available to 20 or so "friends" of hers including various teenaged boys) is included the assertion that she is "single and interested in men" as well as a quote someone has put on there advocating trying "different types of masturbation". I was extremely unhappy to read this. I'm not a prude, I'm not trying to hold back these girls' social development, but to me this is inappropriate and very unladylike, to say the least.

My DH phoned the girls' mother about this this morning and it nearly caused rather a spat. She seems to think we are failing to appreciate that the girl is growing up and is no longer a baby.

Any views?

OP posts:
meglet · 13/11/2007 20:02

Just to add my tuppence worth. Facebook is ok as I think only your friends can see your profile. Try not to let her have a funwall though, it just gets loads of porn on it. I've just got a normal wall for messages, which keeps it fun.

dragonstitcher · 21/11/2007 16:02

DDs 15yo and 12yo use Bebo. I have a Bebo a/c and have them as 'friends' purely to keep an eye on things.

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