6ft tall daughter

[snowey42]

Hi my daughter is 14 years old. 6ft tall & absolutely beautiful. However her whole life seems to revolve around being 6ft tall. She absolutely hates it. She feels uncomfortable when walking with her friends. She hates going shopping and is certain everyone is looking at her. She thinks she will never have a husband because she is to tall. I try so hard to tell her their are much worse things in the world than being tall, but we literally talk about this every single day. I hate the fact she is so obsessed with it, I have asked her to see a therapist but she refuses. In every other aspect of her life she is perfectly happy. I guess I am just lost as to what I can do to support. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm no therapist, but perhaps your DD just needs her insecurities accepted. As a mum our instinct is to try to fix everything, sometimes as people we just need someone to listen rather than offer solutions.

It may help to just accept how she feels. She is tall for a woman and she must stand out amongst her friends. I know this would make me feel self conscious as a teen. On the other hand I've never met one 16yo that looks in the mirror and thinks 'cor blimey I'm an image of perfection!' So I guess if it wasn't her height then it would certainly be something else that she disliked about herself.

When I was a teenager I thought that my having stretch marks was the most repulsive thing ever. In all other respects I was a slim, attractive and confident teen but I was, like your dd, obsessed with how unattractive they made me. I don't really think there would have been anything anyone said or did that could've made me feel better about it. Now I'm older I couldn't care less and whilst I still dislike them I appreciate my body for its many other strengths. I'm sure as your DD matures she will have the same acceptance, and hopefully come to love her height.

Mines 5ft 11. I tell her she could be on the catwalk. That seems to help a bit!

I tell her that tall people are generally more successful and height is an asset. I tell her she is someone to be noticed and reckoned with, and whilst she hates it now she will stand out when older. Also clothes hang better on tall elegant people. And tall people often have a certain fluid grace.

She doesn’t listen but l keep chipping away..😁

Are her friends much smaller? A few of my DD's friends are around the 6ft mark and the rest of them just below. They seem to be a lot taller these days.
But as MaizeBlouse says if it wasn't that it would be something else. Just reassure her as much as you can and then change the subject.

I suspect that at the moment it's mainly because she's so much taller than her friends so stands out. It's important when you're younger to fit in. Her friends may start to catch up heightwise, some may even envy her height. As for finding a husband, men are just people same as women, some like tall girls, some like short, some like skinny etc, all are catered for.

It's a shame she's so insecure about her height. I'm 6', and my 21 year old daughter is 6'1. We absolutely love being tall and have never had any issue with it.

She thinks she will never have a husband because she is to tall.

This is so ridiculous it's laughable, and I wish you could get this through to her. I never had a problem with men, and my daughter is inundated with offers to date, which she turns down because she's been with her boyfriend for three years. Men finding her attractive will not be an issue due to her height, but she may have issues due to her lack of confidence.

All you can do is be supportive, but don't pander to this insecurity. Our height is our height, there's no changing it so she'll have to learn to embrace it.

My dp is 6'2, his brother is taller still - plenty of tall men, not that men have to be taller! Try to get her to realise the advantages, no need to climb on the shelves in the shop to reach...

Thanks everyone, her 3 friends are 5f 1 so quite a lot smaller then her, then her best friend is 5ft 4. I am 5ft 4 as well and she is forever saying she wants to be me. Luckily my sister is 5ft 10 so she does have her to talk but she according to my dd still doesn't understand her because she is 2 inches smaller. Lol Teenagers. I think you are right I am trying to fix it which I can't. Then I sympathise with her but I don't want her to think she deserves sympathy because we all come in different shapes and sizes.

There was the Bluebell Girls, they were always popular and some did marry well.

Does she play sports? Height is such an advantage in most. I'd find a good netball club (sorry my favourite sport)

I’m 5’11.

No teenage girl wants to very obviously stand out from her peer group. I certainly didn’t. As I grew up, however, my attitude changed and I embraced my height, and as an adult I have loved being tall. Give her time, I’m sure she will embrace it, wear heels, look good in clothes etc etc. Is she sporty? If so, great, she can be good at netball, basketball, tennis, badminton etc etc.

She absolutely will get boyfriends. I was never short of offers, and I’m average looking. In fact, being unusually tall is an excellent ‘insecure dickhead’ filter. If a guy is so pathetic that he doesn’t want to date a girl who is taller than him, it’s his loss. She can stick to real men.

OP, there’s a teen movie on Netflix called Tall Girl, I haven’t personally watched it but you could pre-watch and decide if it’s something that might be helpful for her- in terms of opening up situations to talk about, similar things she’s experienced and felt, as it’s a teen movie I assume there’s a happy ending!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_Girl

Hi thanks we have watched tall girl she liked the movie. She doesn't play sports and has 2 left feet bless her so I can't go down that route. I guess will just keep reassuring and hope she feels better as an adult about it

My DF is very nearly 6ft. Has been happily married to her DH for many years. He's slightly shorter and on her wedding day wore heels (her not him!) and she looked fabulous.

I've have s few tall friends and they've never been short of male attention. Agree with the PP who said the lack of confidence will be more off putting.

At 15 my best friend was 6’ tall (she still is), and she hated it. She slouched and wore flats all the time despite being athletic and beautiful and smart. She loves it now - it just takes time to be comfortable in your own skin. If she struggles with clothes try Zara - my friend buys a lot there as they are longer.

As to the never getting a husband, well that’s ridiculous, there are loads of lovely tall men and she’s lucky enough that she will be able to look them in the eye. Hugs to your daughter, it’s not easy.

I'm saddened that she has such negative thoughts about ever being married, as the only women I have known of that height have had long and (from the outside) happy marriages.

Although she might not play netball - when this is all over please take her to watch a game. She is smaller than 90% of the players and watching their strength is an inspiration.

I am tall and my parents weren’t quite so much. All the talk of being a model or being on the catwalk never helped much, just made me feel more self conscious. However, seeing women like me properly own their strength and that being their beauty has been life changing for me and my children, who will definitely be 6ft+

@AgnesNaismith

Although she might not play netball - when this is all over please take her to watch a game. She is smaller than 90% of the players and watching their strength is an inspiration.

I am tall and my parents weren’t quite so much. All the talk of being a model or being on the catwalk never helped much, just made me feel more self conscious. However, seeing women like me properly own their strength and that being their beauty has been life changing for me and my children, who will definitely be 6ft+

Absolutely this! International netball has been on Sky sports this week, the women are awesome

I am 6'2" and I so remember saying similar things, but it is definitely related to being 14, as in you hate yourself, no matter how beautiful you are. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, I would also mention finding shops with a good tall range (I like ASOS and it has free delivery over £60 and free returns) so that she never had to try on trousers that come half way up her leg, short sleeved jackets etc as that used to make me feel so self conscious. Shops have much better ranges now ( new look tall, next, Topshop). The other thing I remember really making an impact was going on holiday to Amsterdam around her age, everyone in Holland is so much taller! It was absolute bliss to feel small! Obviously going to be difficult to get her to Europe atm, but agree re netball or basketball games (just watching if she isn't sporty) and seeing women who look like her just being awesome!

Thank you everyone. We will definitely plan a trip to Holland when we can. It's lovely to hear how you all love your height as adults x

A lot of boys are tiny at 14. That won't be helping. She's always going to be pretty tall for a girl but a lot of the boys will catch her up and overtake her in the next few years. And as friendship groups become more mixed sex too over the next few years, she'll stand out less and less. I think you're probably best to accept the way she feels about it, but try to encourage the conversation into other topics where possible, so she starts to see her indentity in other ways too.

I’m 6ft and stood out at school, I was tallest in the entire year and was always centre back in photos! When I left school I got much more confident in my own skin, it particular helped mixing in mixed-set crowds (I went to an all girls school) where some of the boys were tall. Pilates really helped improve my posture. Clothes are much easier to find these days too. My kids are currently preteens at 5ft1 and would be gutted if they don’t reach at least 5ft10. There are positives for being tall (easier to get served at a bar, higher metabolic rate, I’m sure there are more!) so she should try to focus on them.

Another 6footer here. I was lucky that I had other tall friends so didn’t feel too isolated but it did take me a while to really feel confident in my own skin.

Never had any problem getting dates! DH is actually a lot shorter than me and it’s not really an issue (I tend not to wear heels but that’s about the only problem it has caused!).

I also think that being tall may help in terms of feeling less vulnerable as a woman. When the #metoo movement promoted a lot of discussion about the things women do that men don’t have to worry about (like being in a train carriage on your own, that kind of thing), I was struck by how much of it had simply never crossed my mind. Might not be universal but I think being 6ft not 5ft must help you feel less threatened by those kind of situations.

I agree with Bubbins re feeling less vulnerable as a tall person. Though I don’t know what it’s like to be a short person obv!

One of my best friends is 6ft 1 and she felt the same growing up. She's now got a very good looking 6ft 4 husband and w beautiful son. It's so hard in the teenage years when you're full of insecurities but she will come out the other side like we all do from those difficult years

Only meant the smiley face *