6ft tall daughter

[snowey42]

Hi my daughter is 14 years old. 6ft tall & absolutely beautiful. However her whole life seems to revolve around being 6ft tall. She absolutely hates it. She feels uncomfortable when walking with her friends. She hates going shopping and is certain everyone is looking at her. She thinks she will never have a husband because she is to tall. I try so hard to tell her their are much worse things in the world than being tall, but we literally talk about this every single day. I hate the fact she is so obsessed with it, I have asked her to see a therapist but she refuses. In every other aspect of her life she is perfectly happy. I guess I am just lost as to what I can do to support. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m over 6ft and have always hated it too. Hopefully your daughter will come to accept it as she gets older like I have.
I get men shouting at me in the street, other women hate me, people find me intimidating even though I’m literally the most zen person ever. It’s annoying.

I'm tall and HATED it as a teen. I fully relate to your DD. I felt very self-conscious, less feminine, and it's hard to find clothes etc. People would tell me it's good to be tall, but who wants to stand out at that age? I get it.

I've truly loved being tall ever since my early 20s and think it's often a confidence and age thing.

If I could change to 5'5 I absolutely wouldn't. Not wishing to offend shorter people but just wanting to convey some positives to your DD:

You generally carry clothes better
You often turn heads on a night out (in a good way)
Weight tends to be easier to carry
You can reach things
Pregnancy was comfortable
Any sons will be lovely and tall!

When she's "grown up" many peers will be up there with her. Half the blokes out there will be similar in height. Half the girls will wear heels. Heights are much more noticeable at 14 than 24. It's so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Final thing to remember, only shorties ever feel the need to comment rudely on the height of a tall person. On the rare occasions a bloke commented negatively on my height I'd always laugh it off with "oh you're just small for a man!". If she can fake it til she makes it, hopefully the insecurity will fade and she'll even get to like it! It's fab.

I am just under 6ft, which was unusual in my town, but when I moved to London suddenly it was more normal. A lot of European women are very tall. My neighbour was about 6ft2in and stunning. You always knew when she was coming home because men would be standing and staring in awe up the street. And there are TONS of tall men too. Yes, people will notice your daughter - hopefully that will seem like a good thing as her confidence increases. And as someone else said above, I don't feel intimidated or nervous around the city, another good thing.

Son was self-conscious as 6 foot 4 quite early (then stopped). It is true that you appear taller if you slouch as it accentuates that you are having to look down. Shoulders back doesn't make you look cocky, it just makes you look normal.

My DD, now 20, is 6ft tall and used to be incredibly self conscious about it. The turning point for her was when 3 of my also very tall friends made a huge fuss of her one evening when she was about 13. It was completely spontaneous and unplanned but they told her how lucky she was, how fabulous she looked and what a great advantage it could be for sports etc. Her opinion about her height changed almost overnight. She now rows for Uni and has a 6'4'' boyfriend. 14 is a horrible age when you just want to be the same as all your friends, but I'm sure she'll eventually at least accept it and hopefully love it

It’s tall, but it must be in the genes somewhere if her sister is tall too. Are there any older female tall relatives who she can talk to?
My 16yr old son is over 6ft3 and plenty of men are well over 6ft if she doesn’t want to be a taller girlfriend she’ll have a decent pool of guys to choose from.

Hopefully she will come to accept and love her height as she gets older. I was 6'2" by that age - all school photos have me in the middle, at least 6" taller than the other girls and as tall or taller than 95% of the boys! I actually love my height, always have, but teens don't like being different.

Point out that she's in supermodel territory and look at the amazing women in the public eye who are 6' plus - Alison Janney, Geena Davis, Sigourney Weaver, Jerry Hall, Maria Sharapova, Maya Angelou, Gwendoline Christie, Aisha Tyler, Uma Thurman - many, many others.
Clothes look better on tall people.

There are lots of men these days who are 6' and taller (DH is one of 5, all well over 6', DH is 6'4"). Try to encourage her not to slouch, own her height, be proud of it - I'm sure these sentiments will come as she gets older and more confident.

@snowey42 you say she's not sporty but has she considered rowing - in normal times - she may find she's a good fit for it?
My dd is tall (5/7 I think) - and she rowed and when the girls got to 14/15 she was suddenly one of the smaller ones...the race winners were all 6foot.
You could have a look for a club on British Rowing website. Certainly it's one of the only sport my DD cld coordinate herself for, she's not good at ball sports or running etc particularly
I'm tall and I love it; my mates all moan I'm looking at their roots

I do worry that telling tall daughters they are in ‘supermodel territory’ is a bit reductive and offensive. I don’t know, it didn’t help me in any way just gave me more unrealistic ideals to aspire to...like you’re tall, so you should look like a supermodel? Not always useful

I know several 6' plus women and they are all married.
I suggest therapy. Not because there is anything 'wrong' with your dd but because it would help her feel at peace with herself.

Its so difficult OP my DD is 5’10’ and almost 16. Her growth has really slowed down in the last couple of years but she was always 99 percentile until fairly recently.
She endured some very nasty comments from her peers both boys and girls female in school and especially some tiny male primary teachers and even parents!!
Hopefully your DD will see it as an advantage soon. Is she good at any sports (for when things get back to normal)? Say netball, basketball, volleyball, tennis or athletics? That way she would likely be mixing with some other tall peers who value her height.
I am 6ft tall and love it now but it was very hard growing up being by far the tallest in my family, my class and my school etc. But in the next year or two some of the boys at her school will suddenly sprout up. But for now she won’t want the attention and will just want to blend in and buy clothes from the same places as her friends do (as I did). She will also probably be a bigger dress size because of her height (which she won’t like).
It took me a long time to realise this but often people commenting on someones height are either ignorant (often older people) and or don’t have any awareness or realisation of how their comments can make someone feel or they are jealous or annoyed about someones height (this could be girls/women or men/boys).
She or you might find some useful advice from the Tall Persons Club of Great Britain and or maybe join Tallternative facebook page or follow some tall younger people rocking their heights on instagram or Tiktok.
Nothing is more beautiful or looks better than confidence so even if she doesn’t feel like it if she tries to stand tall and own her height if at all possible. She will look better and feel better if she has good posture.
Some people have turned height to their advantage such as actresses, sportswomen, models, influencers etc. But many tall women are managers and get promoted quickly as they are seen as more authoritative and generally on average tall women earn more.
In terms of finding a husband or boyfriend she shouldn’t worry too much about that now but she will probably get to pick and choose as many confident boys and men of all heights like or love tall women or will like her for just being her.
Or maybe some virtual CBT sessions for how to feel comfortable with her height might work for her. Maybe she is just a bit down with lockdown and focusing on this too much. Women have got taller over the years and lots of younger women are taller than me nowadays.

Agnesnaismith, I mentioned the supermodel bit because the op's daughter seems lacking in confidence about her height, and worried about not finding a boyfriend /husband - perhaps showing her examples of tall, well known, successful women may help her accept her height, help her realise it's a plus, not something to be embarrassed about. As I said above, I've always loved my height, but can see how a teenager wanting to be the same as her friends might not be so comfortable.

I'm 5 ft 9 and was always one of the tallest girls at school. I understand how she feels.

She might not have had much interest from boys as a lot of the boys won't have had their full growth spurt yet and may feel emasculated by your DD's height. As a pp said, this definitely will not last. I am sure she is gorgeous. I have never had an issue with getting men.

Confidence is key. She should be proud of her height. Show her some pictures of models like Kendall Jenner. Help her love herself.

Another one suggesting a trio to the Netherlands. I felt short for the first time in my life (5’10).

Or a trip

Is it not a bit like showing a girl who is upset with being small a picture of Kylie and saying - look, she’s alright with it, you should be too!

I don’t mean to be a narky bitch with this at all, it’s just ‘you’re tall and so are supermodels’ feels a bit empty and could lead to more self confidence issues.

Also 5’9 is average

Agnes I don't think so really. Speaking just for myself, I used to go on celebheights.com and see which celebs were comparable to me (VERY sad, I know!!) It definitely made me feel better as a teen to see other attractive, successful feminine women who were similar in height. So I get where @reprehensibleme is coming from on that, and agree it could be of use.

5'9 IS average... for men! 😆 I'm sure the average within OP's daughter's generation will be taller though. Weirdly my own DD is on the short side, I can't believe it! The way it's tracking she'll be totally average among her own generation which is so different to my experience. Genetics, hey!

I hear you @CocoPark and have done the same - googling people to see how tall they are! Maybe it will help some of our tall girls 🤷‍♀️ So long as they know they are more than a person with supermodel measurements! Think it probably hit a raw nerve as that’s how I felt.

(And 5’9 definitely makes someone a shorty in comparison to me) I have just googled and U.K. men and US men are average 5’9 but in Holland it is 5’11.8 ...... all the more reason for that trip!!! Although I would definitely have married someone smaller than me (I didn’t) based upon Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum who always look awesome together.

I have two daughters who are 6ft. Both were insecure at that age. Until they joined a netball club. Their height and sporting ability gave them a huge advantage, and they made some great friends.
Both still play at 19 & 21, and the younger of the two now plays elite level and at Uni.
Once she sees her height as an asset she will feel differently!

@AgnesNaismith totally agree re Sophie and Jamie, they look great. I wouldn't have the confidence to rock such a gap and I love how they do.

Side note Sweden is also a great place for tallies, I remember greeting the women and noticing many of them being eye-to-eye. Loved it!!

I am six feet tall and was from a similar age to your dd. I am 48 now but do remember people's comments 'bluebell' and 'were you put in a growbag' and 'wow you are tall!' . As if I did not realise

I see it as an advantage but can understand why your dd may want to hide away from it, I think this is part of being a teenager too, feeling uncomfortable in your skin

I would listen to her concerns and let her say how she feels. It cannot be fixed, I am sure in time she will accept it, although the journey may be tricky on occasion , she will survive it

I’m glad it’s not just me who has noticed the vulnerability thing - it really made me wonder when I saw people sharing #metoo memes why so little of it chimes with my own experience.

Also makes me wonder about how much I have benefited in the workplace in terms of the ‘gravitas’ that being taller gives you. I’ve almost never not got a job I’ve been interviewed for, for example (though my success rate of getting an interview in the first place seems pretty average). Maybe the age of zoom is going to wreck our advantage though - everyone looks the same height on a computer screen

I'm 5ft 11 and have always been centre of attention when walking into a bar or some social event where heads will turn. Being tall never stopped me from wearing heels especially at work. I used to tower over people. Whatever we wear, it will look better on us hence why they choose tall models. My DH is 5ft 9 and I fell in love with him because he is a kind, hardworking, charismatic, funny and intelligent. There are plenty of tall guys around especially the younger generation now who are taller! I think in a few years time she will love being tall. I live in London and you see plenty of tall women especially from European countries. When I was pregnant, despite gaining 3.6 stones, my bumped hanged beautifully and I didn't look very big compared to one of my friend who is 5 ft 4 and gained 2 st she looked massive. Ok sometimes I felt less feminine as I had size 7 feet and larger hands and especially coming from a Mediterranean country where most of the females are 5ft 5 with size 5 feet, you do look massive but as soon as you get up, you're centre of attention again. I think when she grows she will enjoy the attention. At that age I used to wear sports bras as I didn't want boobs to grab any attention but now I embrace them and the height!