How much board?

[Sexyfothermucker]

Hi. My DS19 starts a full time job next week. He will be coming out with just short of £1700.
I have no idea how much board to charge. Some are saying £200 pcm. Others are saying a 1/3 of his monthly wage.
Could anyone help please?

@HotSince63 you seem to be struggling with comprehension.

No one has said their DC aren’t volunteering money. I have however made it clear that I would never accept it.

I wouldn't be charging my DC board unless I genuinely couldn't afford not to.

I do however see it as my job to ensure that are able to budget, shop, cook, do laundry etc. DD will be going off to Uni next year and is well able to manage all these tasks.

@CrapFlowers I'm not struggling with comprehension at all. No one has said their DC are volunteering money, just lots of examples of them "paying their way" with their their own luxuries like expensive phone contract, gym, car - which frankly is the least a full time working earning adult, otherwise living for free, should do.

@Sexyfothermucker

Thankyou for the suggestions. I will be charging him board, he needs to know about paying his way.

We've already spoken to him about bills, mortgages etc so he's pretty clued up about that.

I think I'll go with the £200 for now as he's paying for driving lessons at the minute and will need to buy a car, insurance, MOT and tax.

Poor boy

@lyinginthegutterstaringatstars
Poor boy?
What planet are you on? Have you any idea how tough some young people's lives are? How little money so many have?

Op is suggesting charging her ds £200 a month, which leaves him with a disposable income of £1500.
Poor boy? You really need a reality check asap.

£0

@HotSince63

If your DC thinks that as a full time working adult they shouldn't voluntarily contribute even a small amount towards the running costs of household they live in, then I'd suggest your parenting has been pretty poor.

This thread isn't about voluntary contributions, it's about a parent determined to charge her teenager for continuing to live at home.

No one has said their DC are volunteering money,

I didn't mention it, no. Why would I? This thread is about the parental POV with regards to charging board. I choose not to. How my D.C. fee about that doesn't come into things in the context of the thread.

just lots of examples of them "paying their way" with their their own luxuries like expensive phone contract, gym, car -

Never suggested that my DD was paying her way because she pays for her phone and car. I said she pays for them, that was all. The car is no luxury, it enables her to work.

which frankly is the least a full time working earning adult, otherwise living for free, should do.

That's great then, DD is doing it.

HotSince63

I'm not struggling with comprehension at all. No one has said their DC are volunteering money

I did say that.

Dc buy the shopping when we are out or they go to the supermarket to get bits and pieces. They also pay a few bills as we all lost our jobs during the first lockdown so are all now on zero hours contracts doing days here and there

I just can’t imagine taking money off my own DC, much less dressing it up as “helping them”.

@Sexyfothermucker

And for the record, I wasn't saying anything of the such about your child and what they do or do not know. I simply asked opinions on the subject, and explained what I would be doing and the reasons why. Wind your neck in

Oh dear

@Stinkyjellycat

That’s a really good salary for a 19 year old! Can I be nosy and ask (broadly) what he does? I agree that £200 is reasonable if you’re going to charge board.

He's joining the police

If you don't charge your children board when they become adults, and don't happen to move out of their own accord right away i.e at 19 - 21 years old, they become very used to having a luxurious lifestyle (they can buy the latest computer or games console or car or clothes without thinking about it even on a modest income as they have no living expenses) and it becomes harder and harder to move out as the years go on, as the change in responsibility and disposable income becomes greater and habits become hard to change with age. You can easily end up with a useless 30 year old still living with you. One that you have to cook and clean for and whose life goes nowhere (because who in their right mind wants to date someone like that). Even not expecting them to do any chores because you have a maid or you are happy to do everything and let them concentrate on study etc - I had a housemate who set fire to the kitchen in the first week of moving in and separately dyed all her work uniforms pink because she didn't know how to do washing at all. Not training them to contribute to the household isn't doing them favours either.

Charging your children rent is just education that is helping them to become capable, well-adjusted and happy adults (or necessary to keep the household budget ticking for some). When your child was young, did you never discipline them because you couldn't bear to give them any kind of negative experience? What kind of adults would they have turned into if you'd done that? Sometimes things in parenting don't feel nice at the time but they're what's best.

I think 1700 is a lot of money. I would definitely charge. Even if I set the money aside I would be doing that.

I would encourage him to save too.

@PegasusReturns

I just can’t imagine taking money off my own DC, much less dressing it up as “helping them”.

It’s not taking money off them. It’s called paying your way in life the same way you would have to once you leave your parents house. At a time like this some people maybe struggling more than ever.

Living at home you don't need any more than £500 a month. Taking £200 is too little in my opinion. Does he have a savings account already?

@AuntyJack

If you don't charge your children board when they become adults, and don't happen to move out of their own accord right away i.e at 19 - 21 years old, they become very used to having a luxurious lifestyle (they can buy the latest computer or games console or car or clothes without thinking about it even on a modest income as they have no living expenses) and it becomes harder and harder to move out as the years go on, as the change in responsibility and disposable income becomes greater and habits become hard to change with age. You can easily end up with a useless 30 year old still living with you. One that you have to cook and clean for and whose life goes nowhere (because who in their right mind wants to date someone like that). Even not expecting them to do any chores because you have a maid or you are happy to do everything and let them concentrate on study etc - I had a housemate who set fire to the kitchen in the first week of moving in and separately dyed all her work uniforms pink because she didn't know how to do washing at all. Not training them to contribute to the household isn't doing them favours either.

Charging your children rent is just education that is helping them to become capable, well-adjusted and happy adults (or necessary to keep the household budget ticking for some). When your child was young, did you never discipline them because you couldn't bear to give them any kind of negative experience? What kind of adults would they have turned into if you'd done that? Sometimes things in parenting don't feel nice at the time but they're what's best.

Absolutely this ^^

It’s not taking money off them. It’s called paying your way in life the same way you would have to once you leave your parents house. At a time like this some people maybe struggling more than ever

Semantics. I don’t expect my DC to have to “pay their way” with me. I’m their parent and happy to provide for them in order to make their life easier whilst they’re starting out. Of course there will come a time when they will leave their home and will be required to do so, but with me it’s not necessary.

If people are in need of the contribution then that’s different but dressing it up as we’re teaching them life lessons is bullshit.

@PegasusReturns it’s not bullshit. You must have a good job if you don’t need to charge your child and that is absolutely fine. Many people set the money aside and then give to the child later on for a house deposit or something. Get over yourself. What would you be spending £1700 on every month? Ridiculous amount of money to be wasting just because you can.

I find these figures incredibly low, my mum charged me £200 per month from 1986 - still less than renting a room & paying for my own food.

We don’t charge our children but I suggested they save 40% of their take home pay towards the future.

@NYNY211

This thread is specifically and explicitly referencing parents who are charging their DC to teach them lessons about budgeting.

If a parent needs the income that it a different matter and a different thread. But if you need the money don’t pretend you’re a better parent because you’re teaching them to budget.

Who says £1700 would be otherwise wasted. Plenty of young adults use early salaries to make sensible purchases or save for their future.

Why would you need to take the money and save it for the child , if they have been taught properly they should be more than capable of saving it themselves .

My mother read in her Woman's Realm or whatever to take a quarter of my take home pay, so that's what I paid and what my son paid me when still at home. In my view this is reasonable and sensible and avoids a big financial shock when they eventually rent or buy their own home and realise not all of their earnings can be spent on themselves.