Page 3 | How much board?

Sexyfothermucker · 2020-12-28T19:13:08+00:00

Hi. My DS19 starts a full time job next week. He will be coming out with just short of £1700. I have no idea how much board to charge. Some are saying £200 pcm. Others are saying a 1/3 of his monthly wage. Could anyone help please?

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:50

I'm not sure why so many women on here think that their children should never contribute.

I'm happy to let them live here without contributing. It's that simple. I did lose child benefit AND tax credit not just when the eldest left school but also when my 17yo dropped out in October and now is essentially on a gap year - shortest one ever! I have tightened my belt a lot and spend much less than before on things I don't really need (take out coffee springs immediately to mind) bit on the whole we are managing fine.

If I couldn't support them living here for free then of course I would ask for some board, at least from the one who is working!

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:51

No need for the hissy fit dear.

It was sarcasm love, sarcasm.

You won't see any 'hissy fits' from me.

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:52

*shutters gap year not shortest, although tbf it is kinda short too

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:52

Shittest

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 29/12/2020 12:54

@Santaisreel

No need for the hissy fit dear.

It was sarcasm love, sarcasm.

You won't see any 'hissy fits' from me.

I think you urgently need to work on your sarcasm (or maybe it sounded better in your head?

)

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:56

I think you urgently need to work on your sarcasm

Oh definitely, I'm autistic and regularly get it wrong.

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 29/12/2020 12:57

@Santaisreel

Wow!! What no one seems to consider/acknowledge is that charging your grown up children a nominal amount towards household costs isn't just about 'learning to budget' but also about learning that you're not entitled to live off other people, and that there is (gasp!) a COST of living.

It's ok, mine know it's not an entitlement. I don't need to take their money to teach them that though.

Did you intend for that to sound so much like an "I'm such a great parent that...." comment?

bugaboo218 · 29/12/2020 12:57

Don't charge him anything. It's your child's home.

Really do not understand this idea of charging adult children board the moment they turn eighteen or get a full or part time job.

You kept your adult child happily until they turned eighteen or got their full time or part time job. What has changed so suddenly?

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 12:59

Did you intend for that to sound so much like an "I'm such a great parent that...." comment?

No, not at all. I literally said I don't need to take their money to teach them. If that's ^ what you took from my comment that is on you, not me. I mean what I say, not what people think I say.

Riapia · 29/12/2020 13:07

A question for those saying don’t charge them anything towards their keep.
Will you be paying all their bills when they leave home? After all it will be even more expensive for them then.

Oliversmumsarmy · 29/12/2020 13:08

I don’t charge Dd and Ds anything towards living at home.

They know exactly how much everything costs and help out by buying shopping or atm paying a few bills here and there since we all lost our normal jobs in the first lockdown.

Dd has a tiny flat which she rents out and Ds is saving for his own flat to do the same.

Whether they were living here or not a lot of bills would remain the same. I don’t feel like I should be profiteering off my children.

My mother charged me £20 per week. Then because that was all or even more than my monthly salary. I used to work other jobs to pay her.
I moved out as it was cheaper than living at home. She then moaned her money had reduced and she couldn’t manage.

Stinkyjellycat · 29/12/2020 13:10

That’s a really good salary for a 19 year old! Can I be nosy and ask (broadly) what he does?
I agree that £200 is reasonable if you’re going to charge board.

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 13:14

Will you be paying all their bills when they leave home? After all it will be even more expensive for them then.

No of course not. I don't pay all DD bills now she pays her own phone contract and bought and runs her own car. She is saving hard for her future and buys bits and pieces for when she has her own place (she has dinner set & cutlery, kettle & microwave, that kind of thing) I am 100% happy to support her while she works towards full independence.

Sparklfairy · 29/12/2020 13:23

I really think it's important to charge adult children board. I live in the SE and rents/mortgages are very expensive, but that's the reality. What ends up happening is most people live with their parents well into their 30s because it's 'too expensive' to rent. They mumble something about saving but the reality is most people live 'up to' their income and spend what they'd be saving unless they're very disciplined. These men people will never move out until they're forced to.

It also breeds an entitlement in relationships later when someone who has mostly lived at home moves in with a partner who has their own place. 'Oh you'd be paying rent whether I was here or not so I shouldn't contribute', 'bills aren't that much extra with me here' etc etc.

The reality is living alone is an expensive option, but doable for most (single) people in full time work (I pay over 1/3 of my income just on rent living alone, plus bills and food etc). And flat shares obviously are cheaper still.

I don't have kids but I would probably give them a taste of the 'real world' but put the majority of money away for them without them knowing. At some point they will have to live independently and it's very very disappointing when you're used to almost all of your income being disposable, then thinking 'yay I have my own place I can do what I want... oh wait, I've got no money left'

Floralnomad · 29/12/2020 14:03

@Riapia

A question for those saying don’t charge them anything towards their keep. Will you be paying all their bills when they leave home? After all it will be even more expensive for them then.

No because then they will pay their own bills that’s the point .

Floralnomad · 29/12/2020 14:10

@Sparklfairy , I also live in the SE and see things totally differently . Our ds lives with family , buys some food , pays all his own expenses and saves well . He won’t need to rent because when he chooses to move out he already has a very healthy deposit saved and will be able to buy .Aside from food and water usage our adult children don’t cost us anything as I’d still have the same internet , be heating the house , doing laundry and the same TV package .

CelestrialWarrior · 29/12/2020 14:29

He is on an amazing wage for his age, £200 sounds fine, encourage a bit of saving as well

PerveenMistry · 29/12/2020 15:01

@Santaisreel

Wow!! What no one seems to consider/acknowledge is that charging your grown up children a nominal amount towards household costs isn't just about 'learning to budget' but also about learning that you're not entitled to live off other people, and that there is (gasp!) a COST of living.

It's ok, mine know it's not an entitlement. I don't need to take their money to teach them that though.

Exactly. If they are the entitled sort at age 18 or 19, that's due to lifelong shitty parenting.

HotSince63 · 29/12/2020 15:04

If anyone wondered where all the cocklodgers that are posted about on MN come from, they only need look at these type of threads.

PegasusReturns · 29/12/2020 15:07

If your DC can’t tell the difference between taking parental support voluntarily given and freeloading off every person they come across for the rest of their lives then I’d suggest your parenting has been pretty poor.

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 15:07

@HotSince63

If anyone wondered where all the cocklodgers that are posted about on MN come from, they only need look at these type of threads.

Jesus. Really?

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 15:07

@PegasusReturns

If your DC can’t tell the difference between taking parental support voluntarily given and freeloading off every person they come across for the rest of their lives then I’d suggest your parenting has been pretty poor.

Yes. Absolutely this!!

HotSince63 · 29/12/2020 15:09

If your DC thinks that as a full time working adult they shouldn't voluntarily contribute even a small amount towards the running costs of household they live in, then I'd suggest your parenting has been pretty poor.

Santaisreel · 29/12/2020 15:13

@HotSince63

If your DC thinks that as a full time working adult they shouldn't voluntarily contribute even a small amount towards the running costs of household they live in, then I'd suggest your parenting has been pretty poor.

Nobody has said this though? My DD is forever offering me money, always races to tap her card when we go out for lunch/coffee/shopping etc. She does want to pay voluntarily, I don't accept her offer. She buys us all a takeaway every week, brings in bits and pieces from the supermarket if we are low and won't take money for them, she is very generous, I however would rather she saved her money, so in the main, she does.

PegasusReturns · 29/12/2020 15:13

I don't have kids but I would probably give them a taste of the 'real world' .... it's very very disappointing when you're used to almost all of your income being disposable, then thinking 'yay I have my own place I can do what I want... oh wait, I've got no money left

Adulthood is long with lots of responsibility, they will soon learn that the money often ends before the month, without me imposing an artificial construct on them.