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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you let a 14yr old go to a birthday party sleepover of a person you do not know whose parents you have never met?

55 replies

slowreader · 14/10/2007 21:23

Because I don't want to.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 14/10/2007 21:24

No, I wouldn't.
Absolutely not. I think sleepovers are fine IF you know the parents well and trust them.

Tortington · 14/10/2007 21:25

not unless i met the parents and told them

"don't want him on street after X time, will there be any drinking? are you going to be here to supervise?...etc"

then gladly - once met parents face to fce - phone just wont do . there is something implicit in meeting the parent that says " you are responsible for my child"

Mercy · 14/10/2007 21:25

Of course not.

wordgirl · 14/10/2007 21:25

The thing is you don't really get to know their parents when they're that age do you? I mean it's not as if you pick them up from school and chat in the playground. So on that basis I would have to say yes I think.

Tortington · 14/10/2007 21:27

youa sk where they live - and knock o the door!

unknownrebelbang · 14/10/2007 21:28

My eldest is a 13 year old lad, but no I wouldn't let him go on a sleepover unless I met the parents first.

Situation not arisen, and I don't know the parents of any of his friends at secondary (other than those i already knew) but I'd still have to meet them first.

Original poster
slowreader · 14/10/2007 21:29

Don't know the parents at all. Am told they are v casual (ie nice and not over protective hags like me). Only other time ds was at the house he was 11 and parents rented American Pie to amuse them so am not expecting supervision to be great. Also it is Nov 5th and I know they will be on the streets and ds is easily led.

OP posts:
wordgirl · 14/10/2007 21:29

Oh yes, I would definitely speak to parents at least. But that's not really the same as knowing them

Tortington · 14/10/2007 21:39

well, if without speaking to the parents based on the clear evidence of "AMerican PIE" and your knowledge that they will be on the street - despite yet no conversation taking place - sounds like you have made up your mind.

No such thing as easily led in my book - we each are responsible for our own actions.

it is in that light that i would show my children that i would meet with the parents. if happy allow the sleep over. go and check on them periodically.

watling · 14/10/2007 21:43

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Original poster
slowreader · 14/10/2007 21:44

No they will be out at big local firework display thing. That's part of the deal.
I know A Pie is a joke, but didn't wouldn't have shown it to anyone elses kids at that age.
Have asked to meet friend and parents numerous times with no luck.
Have never said no to a sleepover before, been doing them for years, don't know why this does not feel right.

Wish there really was no such thing as easily led but think it comes with maturity.

OP posts:
watling · 14/10/2007 21:45

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MarsLady · 14/10/2007 21:45

If you can't meet the parents then she can't sleepover. Simple really! Go with your gut!

watling · 14/10/2007 21:46

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jamila169 · 14/10/2007 21:47

Absolutely positively no way! (but then you know that already) and it doesn't matter if DS hates you for it, you're a mum, it's part of the job description!
Lisa X

watling · 14/10/2007 21:49

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Moomin · 14/10/2007 21:53

I used just this excuse to go to an all night party when I was 16 and I got up to all sorts

Not saying your ds will be as irresponsible and a complete horror like I was of course...

But I did a lot as a teenager because my dad trusted me and I abused that trust

Original poster
slowreader · 14/10/2007 21:54

Never thought of that Watling! I don't know at all.DS has done perfectly happy sleepovers, school trips, had friends here, no lies, no trouble but that has always been with local families I know very well. Never thought to not believe it- in fact pretty sure ds would not make it up. He is daft but not devious.

OP posts:
watling · 14/10/2007 21:55

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watling · 14/10/2007 21:57

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Astrophe · 14/10/2007 21:59

Could you have the sleepover at your house instead?

I would say no, btw, but my kids are only v little, so I don't know that I'm qualified to answer yet.

Original poster
slowreader · 14/10/2007 22:00

No problem Watling, peer pressure is huge with that particular group of boys- that is why he was so pleased to be asked and I feel so awful.

OP posts:
Astrophe · 14/10/2007 22:00

oh sorry, just read it was the other lads birthday party, so you probably can't have it at yours!

Moomin · 14/10/2007 22:01

Yes of course, agree watling, wasn't wanting to imply slowreader's ds is like I was (God forbid anyone's teenager on MN is like I was). I'm sure he doesn't even think there's an issue because it hasn't occured to him that he'd be doing anything wrong.

It's got to be a no, really hasn't it, just because you don't know the set-up at this friend's house.

MrsSeanSlater · 14/10/2007 22:01

Entrust your child's safety and wellbeing to complete strangers who could be anybody? No, absolutely not.