Thank you Custy - so......the scenario went like this, what do you think? Long, sorry!
'Mum, when am I going to be allowed back into town shopping?' (She was banned from town after an 'incident' last year).
Dec 15th I replied - oh she said, ok and off she went. When I asked why she said that it was her friend's b'day and there were 4-5 of them (all girls I know and like) going shopping, cinema then back for a sleepover. I called her Dad and said I thought it was time she was allowed to go as she had responded so maturely etc - he agreed. I told her the next day - you can go, she said - but they're all going on the bus and I'm not allowed. I said that because she was being so mature, we were going to allow her to prove herself and also as a reward for doing well at school etc.
That same day, she casually slipped into convo that there were now about 20 of them going and she couldn't wait to go into Nottingham - 'Nottingham??' I said, 'I thought you meant Mansfield' (they always go to Mansfield, no one has ever asked to go into the 'big city' before), 'oh' she said casually 'I forgot to mention it'. At this point she started getting a bit flustered and me with 'deceit antenna' as long as my arm could tell she had deliberately misled me.
Obviously I was now cross but didn't show it and instead just said, why weren't you straight with me from the beginning? Your Dad and I would never have agreed to 20 of you going into Nottingham in the first place and you know that. At this point she said, 'oh well I thought it was Mansfield, XX only told me today it was Nottingham' - blatant lie. So, we went for a walk and I explained that it was something different that she was doing to the permission she had received IYSWIM - she was furious with me and accused me of making excuses. At this point I lost my temper and shouted at her .
I have now said to her that she can go to the cinema and I will drop her off and pick her up and then take her to the sleepover. She doesn't want to go funnily enough, obviously far too embarrassing (even though I offered to drop her round the corner etc so no one would see me).
I feel sorry for her but at the same time still furious that we don't seem to be getting the lies dealt with.
I find it hard to believe that all the other parents are fully ok with this set up, so do I ring them and let them know the full story or leave it?
To be honest if it was the original 4 or 5 that she'd originally said were going I would have been able to come to some kind of compromise and maybe gone into town myself so I would be around if they needed me.