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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15yo son won't move in with SO

98 replies

AnnieH80 · 05/09/2020 10:24

So a long one, my 15yo son and 21yo daughter now hate my partner after he cheated, messaged another woman. We were together for a year and I found messages to this woman not once but twice. He has agreed to go to counselling and promised he wouldn't do it again and I have forgiven him and we really want to make it work. He lived with us for a few months and when I found out there were more messages then I first thought, I asked him to leave. He now lives with his parents and he himself has an 11yo son. My kids hate him for disrespecting me and rightly so. They aren't happy we are trying again and we really want to get a house together and have a fresh start but my 15yo refuses to live with him. I have been in a few failed relationships in the past so my son has had to put up with both his parents going through failed relationships. He got quite upset about the prospect of living with him even though they really got on before all this. My SO really wants to make amends but my children won't speak to him. My 21yo won't speak to him either but doesn't mind the thought of living with him as its a bugger nicer house. On one hand I am very supportive and have frank talks with my 15yo and I try to see his pov but on the other hand do I let him dictate my future too? This is really taking its toll on all of us and I really want everyone to be happy. Help!

OP posts:

MNX42 · 05/09/2020 14:59

I do want my kids to be happy above all well that's patently untrue isn't it? If it were true you wouldn't even be considering foisting this man onto them - they can't stand him, they don't talk to him. My mother married her husband when I was 16 - he's vile and me and my siblings have always hated him. Don't do this to your kids. They get one childhood!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/09/2020 15:01

You need to put your children first. Unbelievable.

Branleuse · 05/09/2020 15:01

oh my god, is this what you are modelling as healthy relationships for your children.
Your kids have the measure of this loser. Maybe you should wise up too.
If you move in with this guy im pretty sure you will lose the respect of your kids

2bazookas · 05/09/2020 15:13

If you give up your own home to move elsewhere with this useless lying POS, then your 15 yr old son knows perfectly well that within a year it will all be over and you he will be homeless. NO WONDER the poor kid refuses to aid and abet your selfish stupidity.

He's just entering the most important stage of his education, the last 3 years. Can you not just let him finish his education in one place so that he has some hope of making a future life for himself?  Is that too much to ask?

JamieLeeCurtains · 05/09/2020 15:18

And where are you planning to put your 15 year old?

HerrenaHarridan · 05/09/2020 15:21

Do what you like in a couple of years when he can move out if he wants but you’ve no right to move someone into a house if the other residents don’t want to live with them

Your kids come before your hormones and some cheating shite bag

Devlesko · 05/09/2020 15:21

Your 15 yo sounds much more astute than you. I suggest you stop prioritising the man over your children.

Yep, another vote.
Why do people like this even need to ask, there's more to life than a cheating dick.

Devlesko · 05/09/2020 15:25

Good God, just seen that OP is pregnant, you have to pity the kids, all for a bloody dick.
I'm sorry you have no confidence and self esteem to lower yourself and provide such a role model for your kids.
bet the partner is loving the pregnancy, he can screw who he wants with no objection from the OP.

HerrenaHarridan · 05/09/2020 15:26

Good lord I missed the pregnancy update

Please don’t breed with this man. For actual fuck sake, we don’t need anymore like that.

He can’t even get on with your kids. How much fun do you think a baby is going to be in this mix?

Put yourself first sometimes now your kids are bigger. Sign yourself up for a carpentry course, a degree, a sewing course or join a book group

Don’t get sucked into to raising a man child and his spawn when you could be focussing on your life and what you want

GabsAlot · 05/09/2020 15:36

katie?

you sound weak your son is telling you how he feel but you jsut want to mvoe the cheater in regardless after several failed realtionships

youre going to lose him at this rate

diddl · 05/09/2020 15:44

Why would your kids even know that he'd cheated?

Being pregnant doesn't mean that you have to stay with him (or even have the baby!)

RightOnTheEdge · 05/09/2020 15:49

Your poor boy

GarlicMcAtackney · 05/09/2020 15:58

Imagine choosing to breed with a scummy dirtbag. Can your son go and live with his other parent, or grandparents or anything? He shouldn’t have your terrible choices forced on him for a minute longer. The kids you chose to have should take priority over your sex life, for future reference.

Herewefall · 05/09/2020 21:53

Being rude to the OP does not improve her self-esteem and there is no need for it - surely you lot can give supportive useful advice without being insulting and name calling. Another really shitty, kick someone when they are down MN thread, enjoyed the pile on did you? - you lot should be ashamed of yourselves!

GarlicMcAtackney · 05/09/2020 23:18

OP should be ashamed for prioritising her sex life over her kids for years, her self esteem isn’t anyone’s problem, it’s the breeding of traumatised kids who need someone, anyone, to bother with them. HTH.

GarlicMcAtackney · 05/09/2020 23:21

Also, I am burdened with a ‘mother’ who put cock before her kid, and damn fuckin right I am angry. She could have just not bothered spaffing out a kid and saved everyone the trauma, but no, and here I am, suffering the damaged genes, the trauma and health issues as a result of her choices.

PickAChew · 05/09/2020 23:21

They are clearly better judges of character than you. You'd been with this guy for less than a year and already he was looking for somewhere else to stick his dick. Have some self respect.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/09/2020 23:28

Your son needs you, the next few years will be important ones. Teen angst, pressure at school, exams, peer pressure etc. He needs your time, support and focus to get him through the next few years.

Make the right choices for your ds.

pushananas · 05/09/2020 23:41

Tell your man to sling his hook. Your children should come first.

CorianderLord · 06/09/2020 01:12

Wow. Just wow.

If you do manage to move in with him (mistake) make sure you give your kids bedrooms with lockable doors. No one should have to live with a stranger.

hastingsmua1 · 06/09/2020 01:16

Forgive me as I only skimmed your posts, but I think you moved in with him too quickly. You were together for around 6 months before moving him in with your teen/daughter? That’s a bit shitty

Sorry but your son seems like he’s been through a lot with your past relationships, especially if you moved your exes in too.

LunaLoved · 06/09/2020 01:23

I want to be sympathetic, really I do because I do understand how you have come to this. You have low self esteem, want to be wanted and have probably had men shit all over you from day dot.

But fuck me. Put your fucking kids first and get rid of this cunt.

pushananas · 06/09/2020 15:12

@LunaLoved

I want to be sympathetic, really I do because I do understand how you have come to this. You have low self esteem, want to be wanted and have probably had men shit all over you from day dot.

But fuck me. Put your fucking kids first and get rid of this cunt.

I don't think the man can be rated as highly as a cunt, he sounds much less useful.

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